To feel low in mood today cos of DC having rich friends!

Single parent similar live in a lovely safe village small house, same kids have lovely friends from affluent parents. I never feel down or felt down about it as I have given my all same as you. I actually see it as a duty to invite their friends round and see how the other half live! It has also made my kids strive to achieve their goals so perhaps they might be the affluent parent day.💕

You said it yourself, you chose it because you wanted to bring your children up there! It works for you and your family, and the only reason its not working for you right now is because you're bothered about other people! Which i get, because i am too!! I came off social media, because I was in a total rut that everyone had nicer and better things than me and my family, they were going abroad and having what looked like a fantastic time! At the time, my friend said to me "but look at your social media..happy couple, happy kids, holidays in the caravan" and yes, to everyone else looking in, I was probably having just as good a life! But now I just think, who cares? It was such effort to keep up, making sure the kids smiled on photos, the sheer amount of photo I would take just to pick the perfect one. Social media was stressful, so I eliminated it! We have a tiny house also, only a 2 bed terrace initially, but we have moved our bedroom into converted loft space so the 2 boys (13+6) can share and my daughter(11) has her own room. I hate that my kids can't play outside, because we dont have a garden, or that their friends can't come over because my house isn't "finished" or "spotless" and I dont want them to go home complaining about my house, to their parents who have far better houses in far better areas! Our parents haven't been round in about 5 years! We both work full time, 3 kids busy with clubs, life can be chaotic! We dont have all the money in the world, but we manage.. We try to have family nights on Fridays/Saturdays where we play board games and get take away..they love it! And it makes me appreciate that we don't need a huge house for the kids to be laughing and happy, they need love and interaction! All that matters is that they are loved, fed, watered, and have a warm bed to sleep in. There is people far worse! The family across from me is a family of 6 in a 2 bed flat.. they make it work! It won't be forever, the kids will get older and go on to finding themselves, maybe go traveling, or maybe one day they will buy a huge house! But nothing will take away the fact that it's your family home, for you and yours! Be happy and make memories💖 don't overthink the others, you never know, they may wish they had what you had and feel exactly the same! Or may not be as rich as you think. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors xxx

Kids really accept what they have no matter what you think.

I grew up in the 60's / 70's with both parents in great jobs and good incomes, we had a good solid upbringing and I was totally unaware that my sister and I were labelled as the 'Rich Kids' until I went to secondary school. I hated that label and had many other genuine friends who weren't bothered.

My wife lived on a council estate and came from hard working parents who had very little, I married her for who she was and not status. My kids grew up very local to their grandparents and we bought an ex council house Where they grew up.

Your kids friends may have bigger houses but their parents outgoings on show off possessions will all be on credit, pcp, and massive outgoings.

Don't beat yourself up

What you have now to what you grew up with please count your blessings. The children have a lovely home with loving parents - size does not always matter.

Let me give you a perspective from the other side. So I grew up in one of those big houses with lots of land. I always had designer clothes, the most expensive toys, family had a nice car etc. People used to get off the bus and come and look at our Christmas tree from the road (yes it was that impressive). But you know what...I was jealous of my friends who lived in council houses. Why? Because their parents played with them. Their parents took them on days out. Mine worked. The grass is not always greener let me assure you. That gorgeous Christmas tree that people used to stop and stare at...I was never allowed to help decorate it. I wasn't allowed to touch it. One year i hung a paper decoration that I made in school on it, my mother went nuts and shouted at me. My friends got to decorate their trees.

Now as an adult I live in a two bedroom semi with my husband and two children. We can afford to upgrade and we probably will do at some point in the future. But right now we are choosing to spend the money on days out, on meals together, on holidays together. The saying "money doesn't buy you happiness" is true. Yes having nice stuff is fun. Of course everyone likes to have nice things. But the feeling doesn't last. The first month of having a new car is brilliant, but after that it becomes 'meh'. But having a happy home? That lasts. Ditch the comparison and concentrate on making memories with your family. I can assure you someone is watching and wishing they could be a part of it. Xx

Comparison really is the thief of joy. I'm sure you're a fantastic Mummy and your children are so loved. When they're older they'll appreciate all that you do and find out the true value of things. Having a mountain of wealth and a big house does not always equate to happiness. I find myself feeling the same at times but tell myself not everyone with money has a happy life. People won't show you their problems. They might envy your family life or something about you. Its hard having to worry about money and bills but think of where you live and how lucky you are compared to those living in high rise flats, in big cities with no gardens and all sharing a bedroom.

You could look online to find videos of how to make the most of the small space you do have and how to maybe make your daughter a vanity with the limited space. Maybe a fold up table placed under a mirror with lights around it? That type of thing?

It sounds like you just want your children to be happy but they sound like they're so loved and you do alot for them so don't beat yourself up OP! Xxx

You don’t always realise how much children do appreciate their loving home as it’s more when they’re away from it they feel it. When he was at school my son went to a classmate’s house and it was jaw droppingly big and stylish and I did worry I’d get negative comments about our, which is not jaw dropping. When he came home I admit I asked him (nonchalantly 😁) what he thought of the house. He said it wasn’t his thing, there were huge floor ornaments and it wasn’t very homey and he preferred ours. I can’t tell you the relief I felt. Silly really but as a single mum you do sometimes worry about these things.

I voted YANBU because your feelings are normal but I think you would benefit from not focusing on what your children DON’T have. They have a loving home, clothes, enough to eat. I appreciate it’s hard maybe when you see so much wealth around you but it really really isn’t the most important thing.
See if you can do something different with your daughter’s bedroom - she can’t have that furniture but maybe she can choose room colours she loves or have something attached to the wall with a mirror, a piece of clever space saving furniture? Encourage her to be a trendsetter instead of a follower and don’t show her your own anxiety about not ‘having enough’. My son tells me about his friends’ games rooms etc and I agree they sound nice but I know he can’t have that so no need to dwell on it.
I understand what you mean about it being difficult to return people’s hospitality, but you have a small garden surely and could have some people round for a barbecue this summer? A picnic in the local park that you host?
You have what you have and it sounds like you’re providing a lovely home environment for your kids. They will remember that most later in life.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery OP

Sorry to hear you've been in hospital, OP.
I hope you and yours are OK 💐

This. I have experienced that as well. My parents weren’t well off and I worked really hard for what I have. But where I live people have massive houses and family money so don’t need to work. Ironically I felt just as bad but in reverse when I was with parents who weren’t well off and didn’t want them to think I was showing off/ inconsiderate. Comparison really is the thief of joy! There’s always someone richer

@NotUsually wishing you better soon OP!x

Such a detailed OP but then she never came back

Can you afford a loft bed so a dressing table can go underneath?

OP, I don’t think YABU, but it’s just the way of the world. Far more importantly, you sound lovely and despite a tricky start in life you come across as an amazing mother. When your children are adults, that’s what they’ll remember and value most.

I’m sorry as I haven’t read the whole thread but had an idea re the inability to invite people to yours (hopefully I’m not repeating something!)

how would you feel about “hosting” a picnic in a local park? Depending on what you can afford, you could bring a centrepiece type dish like a big quiche plus some other nibbly things. Or maybe a strawberry and cream type affair?! That way you’ve been the organiser but it doesn’t have to be in your home. The people in your village sound lovely and will understand the gesture I think.

FWIW as others have said, you sound like a wonderful, loving mum. So many kids don’t get the privilege of one of those x

We had 2 dc sharing a bedroom that was not quite the size of your kitchen. 2 bed house, up until youngest was 7ish. Ours was even, shock horror, rented. Like you though we chose it for the area and were very happy there.

One day one of dc's friends came round. He stood in the hallway, had a quick look round and in his best booming voice the way only a young child can said "Why is your house so SMALL?!" His mum bless her was absolutely horrified! Dc just went "I know where everything is though, c'mon, let's play Lego". Completely brushed it off.

One of my close friends actually once told me she loved my house because it was small and cosy, and we probably as a family have a better relationship because we're so close physically, arguments/disagreements kind of have to be talked out so you can still get along in a small space.

We've moved now (still renting!). We're definitely the poor relations in our friendship circle but no one compares. Dc (mostly, and within reason, by careful management of expectations) have the material things they want. And, as your dc as well I am sure, they have so much love.

We lived in a 3 bed semi with four children, average sort of area with lots of council houses. No sleepovers ever for the 3 elder boys due to the eldest having nocturnal epilepsy plus lack of space. Lost our eldest DS a few years ago, number 2 DS moving out with a good job, now we are living with DS number 3, a student, and DS number 4, a ten-year-old. The first ever sleepover in this house took place a couple of days ago, not impressed, not keen to repeat the experience. Nothing wrong happened, a good boy came along, all was peaceful and lovely, but my DS slept for 15 hours after that. I am just not bothered, I have used all my energy and don't want to meet anyone's expectations apart from my own.
I was very keen for my youngest to get a place in a grammar school- the 11+ results were short of a passing grade. Then entered him into a private school exams - won 2 scholarships but no bursary. So he's starting a state school withing a walking distance and I won't have to stretch myself, will not have to compare myself with someone richer, will not have to invite anyone much above my income. After feeling stressed and pressurised, I have finally breathed out and enjoy peace and quiet.
My friend's children are in private schools and none of them has ever had a sleepover either at friends' or at their's- they just accept it and no one is hurt.
BTW, an acquaintance who had worked all his life as a financial advisor for rich people told me that he had not seen a single rich family that was really happy.
Looking back at our time as a big family I realise how very happy we were! But living in the moment I desperately wished we were richer and less tired. We were very, very rich , very close but we were not always aware of it.

I grew up in a council estate in an affluent rural area. My friends were a mixed bag of fellow council estate tenants and school friends with the girls with ponies, sheep and swimming pools.
I have never made it to wealth myself and the brutal reality of it is, that I never will and it’s possible that your kids won’t either. So how nice is it that your kids can benefit from great experiences with their friends and the wealth of others? I would have never had some of the experiences I had if it wasn’t for the wealth of my friends family. Well done you for moving to a nice area where your kids can experience great things and be inspired by it!
We can’t have it all, we just have to make the best of things. My biggest flex is telling everyone I’ve been on a yacht (aged 6).

Your children are loved, cared for and have a roof over their heads and that's all that matters. Many families would give anything to have what you have.
My children have always attracted those type of friends too, the big houses, huge bedrooms, swimming pools etc I think it comes with the terratory living in the countryside and my kids/and I have also been embarrassed by our home at times.

Could you perhaps look at getting your daughter a high sleeper bed? That way she could have her vanity table underneath?

We have 4 children in a 3 bed. At one point we moved into the box room ourselves (as we only slept in our room) so that our kids could have the bigger rooms but as they got older we moved downstairs so the eldest could have more space would something like that be an option

We used to say to our mother everyone else has X,Y,Z. mum's reply was why do you want to be like everyone else.

There's always people richer and poorer than you. I decided when young.

I have rented for most of my DC’s life. I’m finally buying something next year, when I can move back north and afford something, when my youngest finishes school. So i’d be grateful you own your own property. Sure there are people who have more than you, and I get that OP, I really do. I feel incredibly frustrated some days that I work a 50hr week and can’t afford to buy my own property. But I am fortunate, much more fortunate than many people. Having cared for a friend in her final days in the last few months i’ve realised that we all leave this world in the same boat, with nothing. Focus on what you’ve got rather than what you don’t. Your DD’s room can be rearranged, cabin bed, trip to Ikea. I’ll say that no-one knows what goes on behind closed door too.

These families invite you round because they like you. They don’t care where you live, they like you!! Your home sounds lovely and calm and just what your children need.
Whilst they may compare themselves to others, I am sure you give them all you can and they are loved.
How about a mirrored wall for your daughter in her room with some shelving to put some hair bits/makeup on or whatever? Something that looks cool and different but doesn’t take up much space?

I can relate as we have lots of new friends lately who have moved here from London and have bought massive houses and we have a house similar to yours. However, we invite couples over individually.. I try and cook something I know they’ll like, we get the wine they both enjoy and we have a great time!

It isn’t all about money… people like nice kind people! You sound just that :-)