Cousin-in-law’s Wedding Restrictions on spouses.

Plenty of women use spa facilities on their own eg when hubby is off playing golf.
There is no obligation for her DH to attend the family breakfast. He might feel like having a lie in and shagging his very relaxed wife in a room he has paid for.

The cousin can rightfully ask for spouses not to attend the wedding parts but he cannot mandate all the invited guests to be at every part.

Even if he did attend the breakfast OP can order breakfast in bed via room service.

I don't see the issue

In theory it sounds fine to accompany your husband & busy yourself.
I suspect the reality is that you’ll be bumping into weddings guests in corridors and lifts and asked why you aren’t in attendance.

An evening sat on your own, either in the restaurant or the room is perfectly fine but I think by that point I’d feel a bit bored and want a bit of company. I suppose you could go for dinner with the golf spouse.

Overall I think I’d let my husband get on with it and do something else over the weekend.

I don't know why you couldn't have described the groom as your dh's cousin instead of your miles nephew which is a bit long winded.

But smaller than if 11 cousins plus 11 partners are coming.

I don't think you need to be put off going (to the hotel, not the wedding). It's a big hotel and you were planning a spa day, relaxing walk and dinner. Especially if it's some distance away. Why waste the cost of the bed and transport if you can have a nice day yourself somewhere new?

I imagine the groom has been receiving requests for exceptions to be made for this and that cousin and has had to send a blanket communication.

I think 11 cousins is a lot to squeeze into the wedding and he's had to be firm. I don't think you need to feel banished from the whole village. Just exercise discretion. Go down separately, and do your own thing all day so it's not a thing that you're chatting lots to people on the day and the couple have well meaning comments to field about not inviting you. Maybe have a quick chat then next day if you see anyone.

Acknowledge the groom's message if so, let him know you may be at the hotel for a separate solo break but won't be joining the wedding and wish them.well. I think that's fine. You're not pressing your nose against the window or being off, it's not a very close relative, you're just taking the opportunity for a nice trip.

I get what you meant about having a dance if they opened the doors later but not expecting it.

The fact they are referred to as MILs nephews rather than DHs cousin highlights to me they are a distant relative in terms of closeness. Why would anyone want to go to something where they aren’t wanted. I wonder if OPs DH is feeling embarrassed.

The B&G are not paying for the accommodation nor the breakfast and potentially not even paying for the drinks the night before.

You don’t get married at all because you can’t invite everyone whose wedding you’ve attended?
MN is insane sometimes.

I think it’s perfectly reasonable for you to use the hotel room, non-wedding facilities. Your DH doesn’t have to attend the breakfast the following day or drink in the bar the night before.

It would have been lovely for you to enjoy some couple time before and after the wedding itself.

Who says they don’t want them there? They might be gutted that finances prevent it.

Yes!!! If you can't afford it you dont do it!!!

This is why they needed to write a letter - for people like you - pushing boundaries.

Your agenda despite your protestations once called out are clear.

You said you were "upset"

You titled the thread "restrictions on spouses"

The B&G have spent, time and their money to make choices and preferences for their once in a lifetime wedding.

These are their 'choices' not 'restrictions on spouses - no need for you to be 'upset'.

You are just embarassing yourself. Just accept how they wish to spend their money.

really? I have done it loads over the years and he once stayed with me at a conference I went to. We both just enjoyed the pool and just sat and read books and just enjoyed the break. Don’t get why that is weird.

They are literally having a smaller wedding hence the OP isn’t invited 😂

Or really shitty to the couple getting married. Seems childish to try detract from the day of people that don’t even want you there.

You are perfectly entitled to go to anything not being paid for by the bride and groom.

Your DH is paying for the room and you will be using other facilities. You should absolutely stay away from any part of the wedding such as predrinks.

The cousin seems happy to communicate so your DH could write him a note to this effect. Ie c
"I'm paying for a room and my wife will accompany me to make use of this facility, and a romantic weekend away for us, but will use other hotel facilities whilst wedding activities are happening. She is quite comfortable doing so"

You of course can go eat breakfast or use hotel bar like any other member of the public, just not as part of the group. Wipe all notions of being asked to dance tho.

The cousin has no reason to be embarrassed

Your mother in law’s nephew is getting married, and you’re annoyed you’re not invited? I’m struggling to even remember the names of my mother in law’s nephews!

So total strangers? Not quite the same.

Either that or the bride has loads of cousins and the numbers would be too massive.

We had cousins, but no spouses at our wedding. I only have 5 cousins and I knew only 1 of them would travel anyway and they were single so made no difference.

My FIL was one of 15 and MIL one of 9 so DH has nigh on 60 cousins 😂😂 No spouses of cousins is totally the norm in his family (as is inviting some cousins and not others sometimes)

If I were going to a wedding and staying over that my husband was not attending I'd find it really odd if he wanted to tag along and hang around the hotel.

It’s not personal OP.
Either the problem is they have catered for a specific number of people and extras at the bar/breakfast will throw off the quantities, or the venue has restrictions on numbers, probably due to fire regulations, and the couple risk issues with the venue if extra people turn up. To mitigate these problems, there may well be a guest list and a hotel staff member at the door - in which case the groom is just trying to avoid embarrassment for everyone if cousins’ partners try to get in.

This.

Op @Notmotherofflowergirls can you show us the letter or write up what was said, the exact words used. It will help everyone make up their mind if it was it a friendly heads up about private areas only for guests or a very entitled letter demanding you don’t use the hotel services.

A wedding breakfast isn't breakfast the day after the wedding.

Did you read what op said? The letter was a heads up saying the bar was only for the invited guests, which would have been an area that was private and probably reserved. What’s the issue with that? The wedding breakfast probably was also in a reserved private area, so again if you’re not invited you don’t attend. Why don’t know what the letter said, maybe op should show us