Cousin-in-law’s Wedding Restrictions on spouses.

I really don't see why people are suggesting she looks for loopholes in the invite

Are you just looking for drama, and an exciting thread to read? Entertainment from someone else's situation.

She is not invited.

Hanging around is just going to cause embarrassment and awkwardness.

I have met the groom and DH’s cousins and their partners hundreds of times. All cousins and their partners (not all the same partners now) came to our wedding. I would like to have been invited but it’s clearly nothing personal.

I didn’t want to go in the hope I would have been invited to have a dance, I wanted to use the hotel room and the facilities.

I think expressing a wish to complete strangers that I would have liked a dance has derailed the thread. I had no intention of actually hanging around the wedding with my dancing shoes.

I do think the restrictions on night before and breakfast is a bit much.

I have met the groom and DH’s cousins and their partners hundreds of times. All cousins and their partners (not all the same partners now) came to our wedding. I would like to have been invited but it’s clearly nothing personal.

I didn’t want to go in the hope I would have been invited to have a dance, I wanted to use the hotel room and the facilities.

I think expressing a wish to complete strangers that I would have liked a dance has derailed the thread. I had no intention of actually hanging around the wedding with my dancing shoes.

I do think the restrictions on night before and breakfast is a bit much.

Honestly I can't be bothered engaging in such a ridiculous debate, because I'm normal and don't think the world revolves around me. The couple did not exclude people to be malicious, they can't invite everyone so they have done what they thought was best and fair from their perspective. The fact they wrote a letter shows it was a considered decision. The other alternative would have been to not invite any of the cousins, which I'm sure would've create even more of a fuss. When you have a big family and lots of friends you have to make the cut somewhere, unless you have unlimited funds of course.

In what way have they acknowledged the relationship between their cousins and their cousins' spouses?

It's really not. You're making far too many assumptions and quite honestly putting far too much meaning into things. I find it disturbing that people could draw such extreme conclusions

the fact that they are not acknowledging the relationship part being true i mean

So now they're not acknowledging and supporting their cousins relationships 🤣 Ffs, get a grip, are you always this dramatic 🙄 Some seriously 🦇💩 comments on this thread

So now they're not acknowledging and supporting their cousins relationships 🤣 Ffs, get a grip, are you always this dramatic 🙄 Some seriously 🦇💩 comments on this thread

So now they're not acknowledging and supporting their cousins relationships 🤣 Ffs, get a grip, are you always this dramatic 🙄 Some seriously 🦇💩 comments on this thread

No one’s said you can’t invite a short term boyfriend whom you know well, how is that relevant to inviting long term partners?

If the bride and groom in the OP’s post would have invited partners/spouses had their budget stretched, then surely they’d be happy for them to be around for drinks or breakfast that they aren’t paying for? That they don’t want them turning up for those bits suggests they are keener on maintaining whatever vibe they hope to have with the cousins there without their spouses than they are on acknowledging/supporting their cousins’ relationships with their partners.

I'm sure if the budget allowed for it they would've. When planning these things you need to make a decision what to do to fit within that. No matter what they did someone would find a way to complain. Also I find that stance weird anyway, you are still an individual, once you are married you don't become one unit. How would it work, if you have a partner for longer than a married couple then you're less of a couple? What's a long term relationship? What if you get along and know someone's short term boyfriend better than someone's husband for decades? What if its a second marriage? It's not actually easy or simple, and its not like the couple wants to do it with any event you have constraints. I can't believe some of the attitudes on here, just do the decent thing and let the couple enjoy their day. Pretty terrible to purposely try and cause issues.

to be honest i kind of do agree with the stance that once a couple is married or been together in a long term relationship it is polite to invite them as a couple to important events which a wedding is. my husband is an important person to me so i would expect the curtesy from family for them to acknowledge this relationship. one big reason i decided to decline my cousin’s invite when on my invite it only mentioned my name and a plus one. so i knew it was not about numbers but sheer attitude that my husband did not matter to them which hurtful after i had specified my cousin’s fiancée’s name on his invite before they were even engaged.

i do realise that there might be instances where one of the couple has to stay home but that is then usually a personal choice from the couple rather then a lack of invite.

It's great you have realised that everyone at the wedding would have seen through your plan to that you were plan to hang round with a hopeful sad face and you have accepted that you should not humiliate yourself like this.

If you really want to go where you're not wanted or needed, nobody can stop you of course.

It's incredibly normal, and always has been, to restrict numbers at weddings. Obviously the groom had to make things clear because he got wind of people like you trying to sneak in "for a dance" and a drink where they're not invited.

As others have said of course he must limit numbers and there are all sorts of good reasons for that that he does not have to explain at all because it's his wedding and not yours.

It's also fabulous that the groom did this, neatly circumventing the sort of arseholes who would call her a bridezilla if his wife to be was sending the communications. Well done to that groom for stepping up and making sure his wife gets the wedding they both want and deserve.

Eleven first cousin invites is extremely generous too.

So your choice is to let your husband go and have a nice time with the people he grew up with instead of forcing him to constantly worry about you being on your own, or to be selfish, needy, crass and weird, up to you.

You seem to have chosen the former, so that's great.

to be honest i kind of do agree with the stance that once a couple is married or been together in a long term relationship it is polite to invite them as a couple to important events which a wedding is. my husband is an important person to me so i would expect the curtesy from family for them to acknowledge this relationship. one big reason i decided to decline my cousin’s invite when on my invite it only mentioned my name and a plus one. so i knew it was not about numbers but sheer attitude that my husband did not matter to them which hurtful after i had specified my cousin’s fiancée’s name on his invite before they were even engaged.

i do realise that there might be instances where one of the couple has to stay home but that is then usually a personal choice from the couple rather then a lack of invite.

Yes you are weird if you have to be joined at the hip to your partner, and not being a great role model if you have children. Have you never had a family event when only one of you could go due to cost or distance or something else? It's a wedding and they can only invite so many people. Have you never held a party of event where you could only invite a certain number of people? People are so narrow minded, selfish and pig headed about other people's weddings.

Mother-in-law’s nephew is getting married but I am not invited and neither are any other partners of cousins . I am upset as unfashionable as this is on mumsnet, I love a wedding.

Husband’s brothers-in-law are thrilled that they don’t have to be dragged to an in-law wedding. I would refer to it as a family wedding.

The Groom wrote a letter to all of his 11 first cousins explaining his reasons. I think it’s great that he has included his cousins. It will be nice for them.

I am upset but unreasonable to be so. I am not being singled out.

Now here is my AIBU at last! I was going to stay in the hotel, a really nice one with a spa, I know another cousin’s husband was going too as well to play golf there.

Cousin has now written to everyone again saying that they understand that some spouses are going to the ceremony (I was most definitely NOT going to do this) and taking advantage of the venue’s amenities. He has said that he just wanted to say that a bar was reserved just for this invited guests the night before , this hadn’t occurred to me. There will be no further capacity for the evening (I did think, hope, that they might invite me in for a dance (I have NEVER mentioned this to anyone)and he was hoping guests would all have breakfast together.

What does everyone think? Fair enough for the wedding but all the other restrictions????

What's a mother in law's nephew?

Is that like a fifteenth cousin twice removed?