Cousin-in-law’s Wedding Restrictions on spouses.

I'm cringing. Please don't do this. You're going to embarrass yourself and the wedding guests will think you're pathetic.

The groom is entirely reasonable in not inviting the spouses of his 11(!) cousins, and he's obviously concerned that a couple of them turning up at the venue (and you've admitted that you hope to sneak in to the evening do) will cause bad feeling among the other cousins and their spouses who've behaved with grace and made other plans for the weekend.

Feelings aside, where is your dignity?
Don’t go where you are not welcome. Why would you want to? You were clearly told that he doesn’t want you there!

You will be embarrassing yourself and annoying the bride/groom if you go that weekend. You have been explicitly told that you’re not invited so shouldn’t attend the ceremony or hang around in the hope that you’re invited in. The plus ones presumably not invited because they don’t fit the budget and you could annoy your MIL trying to sneak in for a dance etc when the groom has been firm but sensitive about why you can’t go.

If you really want to visit the hotel with your h then organise a trip any other weekend or stay well away from the wedding and areas that they hired like the bar and dance floor so that the bride/groom aren’t cast into the role of villain for not inviting you. As you say, you’ve been treated the same as 10 other plus ones so it’s not personal.

No. He’s actually giving a head up to the people like the op that were planning on sneaking in. He has a restricted amount of people allowed in so anyone else won’t be. Of course this is his fault 😂

It's never stopped CF people before...

Total cringe. Sneaking into a wedding for a dance lol

They haven’t said you can’t use the other facilities they have just explained there are restrictions to some areas. If they have paid per person, it’s then not on to have additional people coming into those areas

No he doesn’t.

YABU. You’re acting entitled and desperate
for free food and drink.

Book a hotel and avail of the bar and breakfast that you have paid for with your own money, not this bride and groom.

So crash the wedding evening do that she has not been invited too? What is wrong with people? You’re not invited!

This.

you’re going to embarrass yourself.

You are embarrassing yourself with your desperation to be ‘there’! Find your self respect ffs!

I would find myself a better hotel, preferably one with a spa and a pool.

And spend the weekend posting hundreds of selfies to the other wedding guests showing them what a good time I am having. Wel I wouldn’t post hundreds, maybe just a handful.

You've made it awkward for them..(even though they originally made it awkward for themselves).

I'd feel weird at hanging around while your husband went to the event - and he can't invite you in for a dance - as you aren't invited!

Also the groom has paid for a certain amount of people to use the facilities - if all the uninvited turn up - the hotel would get pissed off. 'Oh I said it was 40 people but all their spouses have turned up and now it's 80 - oops!"

You've paid to sleep in the hotel and use it's facilities. You know you're not going to be part of the wedding.

I don't really like his tone, as if he owns the hotel or something?! But you've done nothing wrong to book a room if the hotel was accepting bookings.

Equally you can't try and sneak into any part of the wedding. Though you knew that and weren't going to.

He sounds a bit of an arse so it's probably good you're not going to the ceremony.

When we got married the room had a capacity for insurance/fire purpose, so their ceremony room might be the same, so not appropriate for extras to pop in to watch. I assume they will have a room with a bar for exclusive use for wedding guests, so again no extras. Aren’t they just setting out the conditions of their booking

I agree you should not only respect their wishes but out of the many hotels offering spa’s could you not choose one of them and have a fun weekend with one of the other non invited spouses.
By attending in the way you want to, also plays on emotional pulls of loyalty from your husband, rather than him just enjoying the wedding he will think he needs to spend some time or a quick drink with you which removes him from the wedding. Other spouses could do the same and soon you end up with two parties between bars which is unfair to the bridal party who have paid and invited their guests to celebrate their wedding. And again for the breakfast the following day.
Have some pride, wish the couple a fantastic wedding, wish your husband and family a wonderful time and go and book a relaxing weekend independently where you can spend the following week sharing stories and pictures.

Why are you going at all?
Have you not seen recent threads about people sneaking into weddings?
Go and do something else, its embarrasing for everyone to have people hanging around like that

@Notmotherofflowergirls but I am not invited and neither are any other partners of cousins

I am struggling to understand which bit of this you don't understand. You are not invited. That's it. End of discussion.

We stayed at a hotel once where a wedding was taking place. It was a disaster for other guests, we could only eat in a pretty basic bar area and service was terrible the staff were all busy with the wedding. There were drunken guests practically falling about all over and children running amok. If we had known no way would we have stayed there, so you might have a nicer time in another hotel.

Oh don’t hang around waiting to be invited in, that’s embarrassing for absolutely everyone. Go and do something else, somewhere else.

You can't see why univited guests can't join the dance floor at a wedding? So any random could rock up and dance at your wedding?

It sounds like they have a very big family and had to restrict numbers somehow and have been fair and reasonable. You are being a bit rude then deciding to turn up at the hotel anyway. You haven't been invited just find something else to do for the weekend.

Go to another hotel, why are you tagging along when you're not invited?

Its your MIL’s nephew fgs. Nothing to do with you. Apparently he is avoiding have 22 potential plus ones show up. How can you not see that?