Cousin-in-law’s Wedding Restrictions on spouses.

If the hotel isn’t being exclusively hired I can’t see how they can enforce where guests go?’ And no, they don’t get to monopolise the night before and day after!! Jesus how entitled 😱😱😱

I have to agree.

first post nails it

Depends on several things.
Have they taken over the whole hotel or are there other guests at the hotel.

Was the room paid for by you/dp?

if yes to the above then you could go to the hotel but he completely removed from the wedding. Dine in room service so you aren’t sitting alone in a restaurant if you prefer. Have a massage and use spa facilities if there are any. Shag dp all night.

but do not have a single involvent at the wedding. Not even to say hello

The problem is that if you do go to the hotel how will you then feel when your DH goes off to the evening before to a separate drinks do, then the wedding and the evening do etc.

How will you feel being in a separate bar on your own knowing that all this merriment is taking place in another part of the hotel without you? Then the next day at breakfast the same.

Surely it will make for more resentment and embarrassment all round. I would just not go as you haven't been invited.

Yeah, I think you are right there tbh!

(I did think, hope, that they might invite me in for a dance)

Just go somewhere else. Stop being the reason why the groom has to specify that uninvited people (YOU), wont be admitted.

fgs its your MILs nephews wedding. I don't even think I could name my MILs nephew, never mind want to attend the wedding and be planning on crashing it

Sorry OP but super weird to tag along and hope to sneak in for a dance. Go to another hotel spa and have a night to yourself.

Crikey it’s one weekend for a wedding, surely she can cope without him for that !

But that’s exactly what people seem to be planning so maybe he just knows his family and their spouses well enough to pre empt this bizarre conduct

You were going to go with your husband, stay at the venue and try and guilt them into inviting you to the evening do?? Yep YABU.

To send out messages making assumptions that everyone would bring a load of interlopers who'd try and drink from the free bar? It doesn't sound like he trusts his friends or thinks much of their decision making.

I wouldn't send such a message. But my family aren't a load of gatecrashers I suppose.

This

I don't think OP can go in the hope of being included in any wedding events, but I can see why, if DH is paying for a room for one, she might want to go along and use the hotel room and facilities, rather than booking a seperate hotel elsewhere.

I do also think that having invited DH and not his spouse, it's a bit much to require him to attend the night before and the morning after without her as well. Fine if that's what he wants to do, but the B&G want his entire weekend and his wife is not included?

Given the number of cousins and then respective partners I can understand the limitation on numbers.

I think this has all politely been spelt out clearly well ahead of the wedding so that there is no misunderstanding for all involved.

Personally I would not be going to the hotel at all or using the spa facilities of that hotel. It's just not appropriate.

Just leave it. Get yourself off elsewhere for a girls weekend or something.

I think you should definitely get together with all the other rejected cousin spouses, dress in wedding dresses (even the men), and just show up at the ceremony, preferably doing a choreographed conga down the aisle just in front of the bride, each with a rose between your teeth. I’m absolutely certain that when they see how much trouble you’ve gone to to add to the gaiety of the occasion, they will let you attend the rest of the wedding in seats of honour.

Just don’t go - really weird of you to turn up to basically sit outside the bar they’ve hired and/or the breakfast they’ve organised on your own hoping they feel sorry enough for you to invite you in for a dance or whatever. If every uninvited spouse did that then it would put an awful lot of pressure on the wedding party to have 20+ additional people at their hired venue!

They’ve asked you politely and ahead of time to not come so why are you even considering going? There are other spas in the world.

Is there a reason you can’t seem to just let your husband go alone and feel the need to tag along? It’ll look like you’re trying to keep an eye on him or lack independence to spend a weekend alone!

Just do something else with other people and forget about this wedding!

No, please don’t do this. You will be talked about forever, it’s such odd behaviour. Don’t embarrass yourself, your husband or his family. How are you planning to be invited in for a dance? Hang around in reception in a dress?what about all the other ones not invited when they see that you were there?

This is a wind up.

You are not invited so you are not invited it is really not difficult to get

We’ve actually just had something very similar happen in a family wedding of ours.

limited spaces at wedding in the grounds of a hotel. Bride and groom wanted close family and a handful of friends. Some people were upset about not being able to go. So sone of them of them booked to stay in the hotel. This actually ended up meaning some people who had been invited had to book into a different hotel. These people then “hung around” watching the wedding from afar and then tried to come into the evening celebration and then tried to get in the photographs!. It was very uncomfortable. It ended up in an argument and could have very much upset the whole day. It was pretty embarrassing to see these pushy, entitled prat’s behave this way and potentially ruin someone’s wedding day.

give your head a wobble op

Quite! This is really the issue. Trying to be guest-adjacent is just strange.

Why are you pining and attention seeking over the wedding of some D-list in-law?! Whatever the technical rules are it's basic social etiquette that you stay the hell away from a wedding that you explicitly haven't been invited to. Honestly I have second hand embarrasment for you

To go against the grain, I think it is a bit much to expect to have your guests company the night before as well. Is the hotel in a nice area? Maybe you and your husband could go for dinner and drinks in the local village or town the night before, surely your husband isn't required to be in the reserved bar.
I would also feel a bit upset and left out, but having said that wouldn't dream of going anywhere near the wedding itself! Not the ceremony or the dance floor, too embarrassing!