Cousin-in-law’s Wedding Restrictions on spouses.

But that’s not what the groom has done. He’s invited all of the cousins and none of the spouses, based on the budget and size of the wedding. Fair’s fair would be for the next cousin to invite all of the cousins and none of the spouses, or all of the cousins and all of the spouses, or none of the cousins, depending on size and budget.

I was responding to the idea they would have invited spouses if their budget stretched that far. Agree we don’t know if that was the case, if they are trying to avoid a spouse who’s a horror, just don’t like some of the spouses, something else, or a combination.

They are not excluding one person or one couple. They even explained their reasoning in a letter.

i don’t agree. Everyone has said on this thread that the B&G can invite who ever they wish. It’s their day right?

@cardibach explained it well.

Why? explain?

Ridiculous.

How silly.
If there is space/budget for cousins and spouses, invite them all. If there isn’t, dont. But don’t take it so personally and be tit for tat about it. Infantile.

I'm looking forward to the next cousin’s wedding where all the spouses are invited apart from this couple where only the groom is. Fairs, fair and all…

If the bride and groom in the OP’s post would have invited partners/spouses had their budget stretched, then surely they’d be happy for them to be around for drinks or breakfast that they aren’t paying for? That they don’t want them turning up for those bits suggests they are keener on maintaining whatever vibe they hope to have with the cousins there without their spouses than they are on acknowledging/supporting their cousins’ relationships with their partners

Not necessarily, @RawBloomers

I'm assuming nothing because we simply can't know, but with that many cousins what's to say one of them hasn't married a complete horror with form for wrecking events, and that they've avoided inviting spouses to dodge this?

Admittedly I've never seen this personally, but I've certainly known a few who've had childfree weddings precisely to avoid a few who can be guaranteed to cause chaos - though predictably theirs were the very parents who objected

Metaphorically, you're standing outside a restaurant with your face pressed against the window, desperately hoping to be noticed and invited in.

Stop it. It's undignified and needy. If you want a spa day, have one but at different hotel. You will enjoy it much more.

This is the important question. If op's husband has paid for the room (and I think in one of her updates she does confirm this) then there's no reason why she shouldn't come along and make use of the hotel's facilities.

OP I think you just have to suck up the evening before bar and the morning after breakfast being for wedding invitees only - which would mean you'd be on your own a bit more than you expected.

Edit: I see from your update that you have decided not to go after all. I think that's a pity, but it's your choice after all.

That’s a completely different point from the one I responded to about it giving the DH someone to sleep with though.

Worth hanging around this thread just for the phrase "a total nothingburger".

OP (doubt you're still here but anyway) don't be an arse.

Im guessing the groom and family would like the cousins to spend time together. If spouses come they are going to go to their rooms or have meals with their partners

i don’t think so much it is needing but wanting. for example budget wise as a family we can afford to go on holiday or a trip away x amount of times. me spending money to go to a wedding on my own then means less money for me to go away with husband so depending on length of the stay and cost i might choose not to

did you miss the fact that my name was misspelled and that i was given a plus one instead of one that said my husband’s name? (something i was singled out for by the way as i did check with my other cousin the only other one married who told me her’s did have her husband’s and kids names too on the invite)

....their wedding date being so close to my own anniversary...

What? Are people not allowed to pick a wedding date close to someone else's anniversary?

Good grief.

In a large extended family, taking both bride and groom's side into consideration, any date is likely to be close to someone's anniversary/birthday/due date/anniversary of bereavement/you name it. And avoiding the anniversary of the day Granddad died, when Grandma is going to be at the wedding, would be a lot more important than avoiding Cousin Betty's wedding anniversary, even supposing you remembered when it was.

Oh, two nights. Totally understandable that an adult needs someone with them then…

exactly how i feel. it was hurtful. that on top of misspelling my name and their wedding date being so close to my own anniversary i got the impression that i was not a important guest and politely declined and realised that the dynamics had shifted from when we grew up without me realising

Actually two nights.

And this is not about proving a capability to someone, this is about people enjoying their life, even when the life happens to be temporary located at a relatively expensive hotel - probably more expensive than one they typically spend a weekend at.

It’s worrying if your husband can’t sleep on his own for one night.

I think all it reveals is different attitudes to family. Once my husband I got married we are a family unit and as such we would attend family events together. It would never ever have occurred to me in a million years to ever invite one half of a married couple to a wedding. We would either have had a bigger wedding or simply have said, sorry we are keeping it super small and only a very small amount of people are invited and just not invited cousins. I consider myself part of my husband’s family as if I was born into it. They have been part of my life longer than they haven’t. It is really offensive to be just seen as my husband’s wife rather than actually someone to invite in my own right. That’s the bit I’d find strange that people don’t seem to have that relationship with their in laws. I thought that was pretty common. I actually probably talk to his blood relatives more than my husband’s does!

DH has someone to sleep with? Why on earth would an adult need this for one night away? Are people so incapable of being alone?
Same if you mean sex rather than sleep really. It’s one night.

I'd probably do the same, means DH has someone to sleep with, and you get a mini break.
I guess people are getting upset bc it will look odd if you are there but don't attend the wedding. If you keep a low profile it would be fine. Even if you don't know other spouses I suspect a few others will be doing the same.