Cousin-in-law’s Wedding Restrictions on spouses.

If she went to another hotel that's the cost of another room. I don't see the harm in making a cheap mini break of it if the hotel has good facilities or there are things of interest in the nearby area.

They have very clearly told you you're not invited in any capacity. You need to accept this and stop looking for loop holes.

Absolutely with PPs here who say don’t do it! Go to one of the literally thousands of other lovely spa hotels in the country. Enjoy your weekend without inserting yourself at an event to which you have explicitly not been invited.

Sure you could attend without technically breaking any rules. But respect the spirit of it all and send your husband off to celebrate without awkwardly haunting the periphery!

So your dh is invited but you're not.
What are you going to do.
Sit at the bar alone,eat alone.
Make your dh feel guilty so he spends his time with you instead of the wedding.

You're going to look absolutely unhinged if you turn up.
Plus make it even more awkward for everyone.

Stay at home,watch what you want,order takeaway and have a few drinks.

She has probably already asked for wedding guest dress advice on Style & Beauty. 😂

What is clearly happening here is there are a lot of cousins - the organisers of the wedding - the groom - can't fit in all of them with partners so has made an effort to explain that if they are to be able to include all cousisn they can't have spouses.

I have had to miss weddings with my husband of cousins on his side because they were child free, I did not give it a second thought.

so much over investment - just leave the groom and his plans alone.

Just let your husband spend time with his cousins and his family. As you said you are not being singled out - your behaviours appear to be controlling towards your husband.

For anyone that is having a wedding and you’re worried crazy entitled people like the OP are going to do exactly this. I suggest you get some sort of wristsbands for the guests. Anyone that doesn’t have a wristband is not allowed in, simple. Actually embarrassing to even get to that point. For anyone suggesting OP does this, there will be a capacity limit so anyone not invited will be breaking the limit and will putting every other guest’s life in danger if there was a fire.

OP is not a guest at this wedding. She just won’t take a no for an answer and is embarrassing herself.

Surely her DH can do things on his own. Couldn’t you?

If it were me I’d just accept it and book a spa day somewhere else. You don’t want to look like a desperado.

I’ve accompanied DH on his work hotel stays (when it’s a posh hotel with spa) but his colleagues have never seen me (often they’re in a different hotel) and we’ve never tried to cadge free food and drink. DH expenses his own F&D but not mine obviously.

Peeking around pillars in your spring dress and fascinator. Mortifying

even worse it’s apparently the female spouses that can’t imagine a solitary weekend with DHs away so they have to tag along and hover at the fringes hoping for a pity dance.

why pull your DHs away from wedding events because you’ve decided to tag along. Let him enjoy catching with his friends and family. You’ll survive.

It's not unusual for a hotel to have a function room and bar for exclusive use for an event, like a wedding. Normally, there is another bar area, that's then available for other hotel guests to use. So unless the wedding party have hired out the entire hotel (which unless wealthy, is highly unlikely), you would be able to use the other bar, that the wedding guests aren't. Breakfast the next morning, in my experience is usually held in a room, where the wedding guests and any other guest at the hotel can use. It's not often wedding guests would get exclusive use of a room, purely for breakfast the following morning. You wouldn't be permitted to use the bar facilities, the wedding guests are using. You would need to find out if the breakfast is being held in a room for the wedding parties exclusive use of not. My honest opinion is, keep away. Book yourself (or take a friend) to another hotel, and have a spa day etc or go and visit your own family for the day (if it's possible). Don't turn up at the hotel, it could potentially be awkward, and end up embarrassing for you and your husband. Yes, you can feel disappointed, but don't allow your disappointment to push yourself into a situation that could cause embarrassment.

I'm assuming that there would be something like a pool or a spa or another restaurant or bar. If it's just a public foyer and everything else is reserved for the wedding party that would be a rather dull weekend break.

I actually think it's fairly cringe and unreasonable to go.

I mean - you could literally go anywhere in the country if you want a relaxing weekend.

Why would you want to tag along on the edge of a. big family celebration you are not invited to.

The cousin has been really polite and written explaining why he wants to include cousins but can't have all 11 spouses (totally understandable)

Now make some total ridiculous drama of it - just stop trying to be in any way part of it it's wierd !

What’s wrong with you? Stay away from the wedding. You sound like you want to get together with the other cousins spouses and make a show of it.

I just think this could cause unnecessary embarrassment for you, your DH and the bride and groom. How do you handle it when bumping into them knowing that you’re not actually invited?

It just puts everyone in an awkward position. You wave and say hi and then they go on their way to designated wedding areas and you’re left on your own. Or they then feel obligated to ask you to join them even though they’ve specifically spelt out the situation prior to the date.

@Notmotherofflowergirls you are being weird and ruining the build up to their wedding. You aren’t invited, that is the end of it. If they wanted you to go in for a dance they would have asked you, formally, through a wedding invite. It sounds like you are expecting everyone to celebrate your arrival and be treated like some guest of honour, that won’t happen! They will all be whispering saying can you believe she’s here without an invite.

Sometimes I read the crazy MIL threads and wonder how these women turn into such hard work, you already are the hard work.

What, just sit in the foyer looking sad?

Why would anyone want to do this?

Exactly my thought. Same poster perhaps?

We don’t know yet who has paid for the room.

The groom hasn’t said that spouses can’t stay in the hotel room, just that they cannot avail of the free bar and breakfast which is for invited guests only.

Providing drinks and food to only invited guests is not a ‘ridiculous term’, it’s pretty standard for weddings.

How cringeworthy of you, OP.

Stay home or go somewhere else.

This. Can you not hear yourself OP?

Why so desperate?

I think it's fine as long as you just stick to the areas where any paying member of the public can go. If the bride and groom aren't happy with this then they should have forked out for exclusive use of the hotel.

Whatever you do don't be like that batshit woman who tried to sneak her child into that wedding brunch despite being politely told no to multiple times.

Your DH is going to be with his 11 cousins having a whale of time. They probably haven’t all caught up without spouses since childhood.

leave them to it.