Cousin-in-law’s Wedding Restrictions on spouses.

You're not invited so why do you want to go and have your spa break at the same hotel on the same date that the wedding's taking place if not to just hang around on the fringes? He probably means there is a function room with a bar specifically for the wedding guests and wants to make sure that you're aware of this rather than just turning up and joining them. It all seems a bit cringe to me there's nothing to stop you having a break but why the exact same hotel? It looks like you can't bear to be away from your partner for a night or hoping that they're going to invite you in because you're there hanging around like a bad smell hoping for a dance.

the 11 cousins parents may have been invited

or the groom is one of many. Either way it doesn’t matter.

they have limited number and it’s important to the groom his cousins are there but unfortunately the invited cannot extended to spouses

if they can’t attend sans spouse they can rsvp no

So happy days then, everyone should be happy.

I suppose the invitations are along the lines of we don't want to cause family upset by not inviting cousins but we don't care if they enjoy themselves and would much prefer they refuse the invitation than have their partner hanging around the hotel regardless of the fact that we haven't booked it for exclusive use and aren't paying for the accommodation. All a bit half-arsed, isn't it? You're doing the right thing by not going, of course.

We had a small wedding 40 people in total.So we have been to weddings where the B&G might not have been to our wedding.

If we had 11 cousins and invited their spouses, that would have been half our guests!

Saying that they would be dead to you, simply for not being invited to a wedding which they explained several times how their thinking was.

why?

it’s a public hotel. Not just the wedding party is there

it is an expensive room paid for by the guests not the wedding party. There is room for her in it. There are facilities in the hotel apart from the wedding that she can use while the wedding is going on.

the breakfast is in a public restaurant and paid for by the guests. In what universe is it ok for anyone to tell someone else they can’t stay at the hotel and go for breakfast? The whole thing is bonkers.

I would absolutely be making the most of a room I had paid for! But ultimately Why on earth would it be weird for the OP to join them all for breakfast. Not one bit of the day after is being paid for by the B&G. If it were my husband he’d just say I want to get home anyway if I wasn’t there and skip the breakfast.

You should have mentioned this in your original post OP.

What behaviour?

I doubt they would miss you anyway, if that is your behaviour.

Poor form to leave you out then.

These people would be dead to me from now on. Don’t invite them to your home or anywhere else. You reap what you sow.

I think if this had been in your OP you would have had more sympathy. I can see why you feel aggrieved.

Just secretly hoping to be invited for a dance.

😂

Very weird behaviour by OP.

I am totally supportive of them not inviting cousins’ spouses

Maybe I'm being stupid, but I can't quite work out how this matches with "My husband has every right to go to his cousin’s wedding with his family"?

As for secretly hoping you might be invited in for a dance, it's really not likely to be a quick dance and then leave when someone's bound to say "Oooo not seen you for ages, come and have a chat ..." and then start going to the bar for you

I reckon OP is bound to come up in conversation at the wedding "what's Notmotherofflowergirls up to this weekend?" "Ah actually she's here, in the hotel room" "Oh then bring her down, let her join in!" (secretly thinking oh bugger, what's it going to cost/will the venue be peed off about an extra person/how many other spouses are here?)

Presumably OP and the other spouses were left out simply for budget reasons.

I do think though that the old-fashined etiquette was not to split couples, but it's a more flexible thing now. Just a shame for OP. I do understand, I love weddings too.

The room has been paid for, assuming he's not booked a cheaper single room/rate. Everything else is almost certainly going to be additional cost.

I would do the same. If I’ve paid for the room, I’m staying in it. Wouldn’t have a problem keeping away from the wedding! OP I would honestly go and enjoy yourself. Why shouldn’t you?

Did the groom have a +1 at your wedding, OP? That’s what would make me think he is being unreasonable.

The bar being reserved for guests implies it’s funded. And besides, it’s reserved for guests. Not hangers on.

And the hotel won’t be happy serving two breakfasts for one room’s guests. The groom has asked guests to eat together, why wouldn’t you make an effort and eat with him?

I’m going a bit against the grain (I think, I haven’t read all the posts) and saying that yanbu. The bridal couple haven’t paid for the room. If they had it would be unreasonable to gatecrash. But why shouldn’t you get to have a relaxing weekend away in a lovely place that you are paying for anyway? You can read, swim, explore nearby places. For those saying you can do this at anytime, well yes but a room has been paid for for this particular weekend. Not everyone has the spare money/free time etc to just have random weekends in luxury hotels.
I think most couples would do this and I think the bridal couple are being unreasonable if they’re trying to insist you don’t.
Just stay away from any wedding areas if you’re worried about being judged for trying to muscle in but otherwise, enjoy!

Why should the bride and groom have less of a wedding because Aunt Flo, Uncle Jon, Aunt Edna had 11 kids rather than keeping it to 2 a piece?

"arrange an event you can afford" - they are, they are not inviting the 11 spouses of cousins.... that way they can afford the event.

Just wondering what level of Ancestry is invitable to you? the cousins spouses? the cousins kids? there's cousins kids spouses? When is too far too far? Not forgetting there's 2 sides...

He didn’t say it was a free bar, he said the bar was reserved for invited guests. Similarly that he hoped the wedding guests would breakfast together. I would assume the room rate includes breakfast, in which case unless the couple have paid for the accommodation, which is unlikely given their appallingly bad manners and penny pinching approach to invitations, it’s a bit cheeky to impose on people’s breakfast plans.
I can’t see a problem with the OP sharing the room and using the facilities and obviously other non invitees have decided to do the same. Why wouldn’t you if you’re paying out for a double room. This is what happens when couples prioritise the venue irrespective of cost or capacity issues.