Cousin-in-law’s Wedding Restrictions on spouses.

OP have you actually booked and paid for a room and all your spa treatments yet? If so, how long is there until the wedding?

Because some weddings are small/ the bride and groom can’t afford any more than immediate family. Plus if spouses are allowed, it’s a blanket rule usually. So 30+ year marriages, plus girlfriends of 6 weeks. Total minefield otherwise.

@Puzzledandpissedoff the “his family” bit refers to his parents/uncles/aunts/cousins, not his family in sense of his wife and kids - but I can see how it could be read both ways

Depending when the wedding it it’s likely she could cancel w/o a fee.

unsure if she’s even booked it/ paid for a room already. She doesn’t say.

Who is going to pay for the second room though?- the whole point of her going is to enjoy the room that she has paid for!

Yes to this, there's nothing worse that staying at a hotel with a wedding going on.

You are NOT invited!!!! Jesus, take a hint and stay away. Hoping to be asked in for a dance is absolutely mortifying.

I think let them have the wedding they want, as you mention you've seen them hundreds of times before, it's bound not to be long till you're all together again and can have a good catch up then.

Or the OP just gets over it. She isn’t invited, find something else to do. It doesn’t matter if she invited them or not, they don’t think her being there would add anything to the day. Knowing she’s there will make them feel obliged to say ok come in for a drink, it’s lovely to see you.

Stop pushing yourself in. Go to another posh hotel with a Spa. You will look like you’re hoping for an invite to the reception otherwise.

i can’t see the hotel stay being that peaceful with drunken wedding guests anyway. You want peace after a spa.

Of course you should go and stay in the room that your husband & you are paying for.
His cousin can't and shouldn't dictate who should be staying in rooms at the hotel where his wedding Is. He should have booked an exclusive hotel used only for his wedding, if that was the case.
I'm usually hung over & tired the morning after wedding & would prefer to sit at smaller tables anyway, rather than all the wedding guests together.
This happened to us before and we ended up being put sitting at breakfast with friends of the groom. No one at the table had any energy to be making conversation with each other & it was all a bit awkward.
Go and enjoy the spa facilities at the hotel.

I think this is the most sensible solution!

This is what I’d do , I find the whole thing utterly ridiculous not inviting spouses , my husband and I have been married for 30+ yrs and if we had an invite for just one of us we would just decline . It’s not about not being able to do things without each other , I go away a lot , my husband goes away with work but when it’s our weekends and holidays we just prefer to do things together .

Or you could think “I’d love to have my 11 cousins there but if it means an extra 22 people I’ll have to not invite any of them”

Its really pathetic that people can’t enjoy an event without their partner being next to them.

I don't think you are weird OP and I don't see why you shouldn't go and stay in the hotel.

I voted YABU OP sorry.
Because Unlike so many of the family weddings threads people complain about on here..
I think the Groom has been really fair and open about this.
He's told everyone in advance and explained that ALL the cousins are being invited on their own.
He's gone on to let people know what is and isn't paid for by the wedding couple, so no one is embarrassed by assuming they can take part in certain parts of the wedding..
And he's explained why.

He wants to include his 10 cousins, but can't afford an extra 20 places.

I would just accept their rules.

Book another nice hotel yourself for the weekend, maybe with some of the Cousin's partners.

So MIL’s nephew is your husband’s first cousin?
seriously I’d find something else to that weekend and not look so desperate.

Suppose they simply cannot afford everyone?

I think if you want to make a weekend out of it, which I understand if the location is nice, your DH should cancel the room (f there is no charge) and book another nice hotel nearby. He can just go to the ceremony and meal afterwards while you do some sightseeing, and you can both have dinner the night before and breakfast without any awkwardness as you will not be bumping into the groom.

This! People on here are mental, or maybe they have more money than sense. She’s already paid for the room, why would she pay for another elsewhere?!

And the morning after when the OP is excluded from the brekkie

First cousin at that!

Because the room is expensive and already paid for by the OP. The whole point is her being able to use the facility that she has paid for.

why would she want to pay again for another room?

You don’t appear to understand her question either but here you are….

I think you should go - your husband has paid for a room and actually weddings are public ceremonies and can be watched by members of the public!
As for having a dance - I see no reason why you couldn't later on. In my experience no one really notices who's there or not and sometimes full day guests (particularly those from the older generation) leave early anyway. I think.the cousin-in-law is being very precious to exclude the spouses from the evening do, particularly if the couple attended your full wedding. They certainly can't dictate what happens the night before or breakfast the day after unless they've paid for it.

Btw - Has no one on this post seen the film Wedding Crashers??