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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask him to get DS showered

109 replies

LoveFridaynight · 29/05/2025 08:33

I will start this by saying I am a SAHM/carer. Due to this I do virtually everything at home and for DS as he can't be left alone unless he's sleeping.
I haven't been feeling great for a while I'm not ill but in a lot of pain with my back and neck. I can't go to the chiropractor until next week as DS is on half term. DS was awake early this morning and I asked DH if he could please just get DS up and shower him before work (we only have a bath over shower so I have to lift DS in and out.)
Obviously DH said no, he hasn't got time before work. I said it's a 5 minute job and you aren't leaving for 40 minutes. DH no I've got stuff to do. I would if I had time.
So of course I do it, hurt myself more and end up feeling pissed off.
I do everything all DS's appointments and exercises with him, as well as normal household/childcare stuff
It's a small thing but it would have ment a lot to me. DS is very full on, absolutely love him to pieces but it's been a hard week and just one less thing to do would have been nice.
I guess I m asking if I was unreasonable to ask DH to get DS ready for one day considering he knows I'm in pain and not sleeping well?
I know DH goes to work and without his salary we'd be screwed but I wasn't asking him to take time off just to do something before he left.

OP posts:
yestothat · 29/05/2025 08:53

if his needs are so severe he can’t be left alone unless he’s sleeping then I can’t imagine showering him is just a 5 minute job.

I think you were unreasonable to ask him 40 minutes before he had to leave where he would already have planned the things he needed to do. would have been reasonable to have asked the day before so he had a chance to plan to fit it in.

easy answer is you need to change the bathroom set up so you don’t have to lift him in and out. How old is he? Can he use steps?

JellyAnd · 29/05/2025 08:52

If DS is young enough that he needs supervision to shower then surely he’s young enough to not get stinky and as one off can skip the morning shower??
… posted to soon… meant to also add that perhaps DH could shower him at bedtime every other day until you’re better.

rainbowstardrops · 29/05/2025 08:49

I don’t think you were being unreasonable at all! You’re in pain and he had 40 minutes to get himself sorted! You’re supposed to be a team FFS

Sameasiteverwas8 · 29/05/2025 08:49

I agree. I wouldn’t have expected by DH to do that in this situation. If he had notice then sure and he should be helping you if you’re unwell. It’s fine to ask in evening when he’s not rushing to get ready for work.

Feelingdownbutnotout · 29/05/2025 08:49

It's horrible OP the number of husbands and partners who won't do a small thing for the person they share their lives with and who they supposedly love. That they will watch their partner in pain rather than lift a finger to help.

It beggars belief to me the total lack of normal human kindness displayed by a lot of men in their relationships.

I'm not surprised you are upset OP.

MumChp · 29/05/2025 08:49

It's never just 5 minutes. Ask DH to shower ds before bedtime.

ExtraOnions · 29/05/2025 08:47

Showering would never take 5 minutes, from start to end.

Maybe don’t shower him this morning, unless absolutely necessary.

Not saying your DH doesn’t need to do more, but maybe not the time.

TY78910 · 29/05/2025 08:44

Hmm. How is your relationship generally? Just by this scenario alone, I am with your DH. Showering DC is never just 5mins, 40mins is not a long time to get ready and I suppose he has his own routine in the morning before he leaves. If you asked him last night for help with this, he could have factored that in, but to be thrown an extra task on your plate when you wake up is different.

If he is generally like this, and doesn’t pull his weight at home regardless of when you ask, or is dismissive of your pain, then I might be more sympathetic. But on this scenario alone YABU

Nicaveron · 29/05/2025 08:42

LoveFridaynight · 29/05/2025 08:33

I will start this by saying I am a SAHM/carer. Due to this I do virtually everything at home and for DS as he can't be left alone unless he's sleeping.
I haven't been feeling great for a while I'm not ill but in a lot of pain with my back and neck. I can't go to the chiropractor until next week as DS is on half term. DS was awake early this morning and I asked DH if he could please just get DS up and shower him before work (we only have a bath over shower so I have to lift DS in and out.)
Obviously DH said no, he hasn't got time before work. I said it's a 5 minute job and you aren't leaving for 40 minutes. DH no I've got stuff to do. I would if I had time.
So of course I do it, hurt myself more and end up feeling pissed off.
I do everything all DS's appointments and exercises with him, as well as normal household/childcare stuff
It's a small thing but it would have ment a lot to me. DS is very full on, absolutely love him to pieces but it's been a hard week and just one less thing to do would have been nice.
I guess I m asking if I was unreasonable to ask DH to get DS ready for one day considering he knows I'm in pain and not sleeping well?
I know DH goes to work and without his salary we'd be screwed but I wasn't asking him to take time off just to do something before he left.

I guess it was a bit of an ask before he left for work. Could DS have shower before bed ? DH could do this when he gets in from work. He should be helping you as you’re unwell. How old is DS.