To ask him to get DS showered

Good grief some of you lot replying are unreasonable! This is clearly posted by a mum who is physically and emotionally done in. She wanted a bit of help. Yes it was last minute but so what? To the OP I think your husband was entirely unreasonable. And even more do if you don’t get a break at weekends. What if something happened to you? Would he look after your DS? I’m so sorry you can’t rely on your hubby, the one person who should have your back

I think part of the problem may be that they are now in the routine of her doing it. So it doesn’t necessarily cross his mind to do it.

that’s why a proper conversation is needed about fair workload and ensuring things are done.

One of them also needs to get onto pushing for an OT referral to ensure aids to help everyone are in place

So fed up of these selfish men who think donating soerm and money is all they need to do as a father, and their fucking hobbies.

YANBU at all, OP.

So even if your child just produced a very dirty nappy that had leaked, youd still stick to your routine and ignore them?

😂 love it!

I know! This place gets crazier by the day!
Posters saying that he wasn’t given enough notice??? What, to actually parent his child?! The child that he knows has a disability and that needs a bath every morning and that he has a wife that he knows is struggling with pain and a lack of sleep right now? I mean seriously, what the actual fuck!
Oh and he buggers off on a Saturday to do his hobby too!
You need to tell him to step up @LoveFridaynight because he’s taking the piss.
How much ‘help’ does he actually do at home?

You are NOT being unreasonable! I feel for you, back pain is nasty. You sound overwhelmed.
The man could have showered and dried the child and still had time to shower and dress himself. But, as you said in a comment, even if he had been a few minutes late, given the circumstances, it is unlikely this would have been an issue for his employer.
on the fb comments someone has said her husband could not do this because he is neuro divergent. I don’t think you have said yours is. But even if it is the case people do have to be able to use strategies to be able to cope with everyday life including work and childcare. Someone else said give him a bed bath, that woman has clearly never given a child with complex issues who is covered in poo a bath on a bed while suffering from a bad back.
I am appalled by the insensitivity of some of the posters.
As your child is under five it may be difficult to access much practical support. But, I presume you already have had a referral to or are under guidance of an OT? Please share your difficulties with health professionals. As your child grows you are going to need more help. I send you empathic thoughts .

@Agix do you have to timetable when to be a parent and a decent human being? You know your partner has a bad back, you know they have to lift their child into the bath, would not a decent human being and parent realise that they should be doing that at the moment. Not to ‘help’ their partner but to do some parenting

I think you're unreasonable to ask last minute to fit in the shower just before work. I have my morning routine before work, that's very important to me, because it sets me up for the day of work. I can't deviate from it at all without notice, else everything gets messed up. I have a whole day of work in front of me, which I need to prioritise.

I know!

Maybe, if op gently stoked hubby’s brow and in hushed tones suggested that perhaps, maybe he could get up slightly earlier so he could help with his child’s basic hygiene, he might be receptive? Of course she’d have to plan well ahead, lest she startle him with any completely unexpected demands to be a parent - he shouldn’t have to do without his morning coffee, after all.

I’m just surprised none of the ‘pick me’s’ have suggested offering hubby a little reward for being such a brilliant dad - if you know what I mean 😉🤦🏻‍♀️

"Crawl into the bath"

Pardon?

Are you okay?! Because that is at best, an incredibly weird suggestion. He is a child with special needs, have a bit of humanity.

You haven't read the thread have you? At least read the op's posts before replying?

I appreciate it's yet another thing for you to have to have to deal with but have you requested an occupational therapy assessment?

A bath board or a bath lift might help. It wouldn't require structural adaptations to your property but would make moving and handling easier..

Can’t believe the replies on here! Yanbu

I can see why you're pissed off, plus you're in pain which is horrid.
Would it have made a difference if you'd asked him the night before?

Or if asking on the spot, just asked him to do the lifting?

It would have been nice if he'd offered, or just said "yes of course" 😞
But some people have little routines and don't like last minute changes to them

Of course DH should be pulling his weight but asking someone to wash a pooey child in their work clothes isn’t realistic.

yes her DH “should” be more intuitive and not need telling but that’s not the question.

OP have the conversation tonight DH needs to get up earlier to wash DS. Get some aides to DS can eventually get on and out himself with supervision, steps, handlebars and grips. You can get self adhesive ones.

Phew, I thought I was going crazy with these other replies.
He needs to get up earlier, not to help but to do more of his share

Give more notice next time. Discuss these matters the night before. Then your DH would be more open to helping.

Don’t do housework in those 2 hours rest.

unless The house is a shit tip, once dc is dropped off out on the dishwasher and then go back to bed and have a nap.

tidy when DC gets back.

OP has stated several times now, he NEEDS a shower in the morning as he manages to remove his nappy and is covered in pee and occasionally poo. Bottom line is DH needs to step tf up! Heaven forbid his morning cuppa time is disrupted before he goes to work.

sorry for your back OP, it is hell

Of course he should help but asking him 40 minutes before work is a bit last minute and unrealistic I don’t have time for anything extra 40 mins before work.

It’s something to be organised the night before with DH so he can factor it in his schedule.

the compromise would be asking DH for help with the lifting or washing DS the night before.

change your routine for now while your hurt so DH can do it in the evenings.

He’s the child’s father FFS! Does he need to be warned on a daily basis that his son will need a bath every morning and that his wife has a bad back? What sort of dick would ignore those facts eh?

Hopefully you'd have the compassion and insight to know that as your child regularly needs a bath before school and your partner has a bad back you’d step up and do the job yourself?

Did you read all her posts? He wears a nappy and during the night often takes it off resulting in him being soared in urine or faeces. Should the OP just give him a once over with a wet wipe???