Death in nursing home - is this normal - a bit shocked.

Thanks and the doctor messed up the Death Certificate. I was beside myself.

My positive experiences (both parents) were with Abbey Healthcare. I had some very minor gripes about their care while they were alive which were sorted immediately. I couldn’t fault the sensitivity post mortem.

Sorry, I hadn’t meant to imply that your case was similar, just the realities we hadn’t thought about. My aunt was self-funded, and we’d have supplied whatever she might have needed, but evidently other residents were not so fortunate. My Dm’s care home was also a mix of self-funded and local-authority funded.

YANBU, the way it’s been handled sounds shocking. But the ASC system in this country is so overstretched that they have to get rooms emptied and turned around asap. They’re also likely understaffed, so need to ensure staff don’t have to sit with your MIL. I’m sorry for your loss

I had a similar experience back in 2006 when my mum died. Also when I went to unpack her bag I realised they'd shoved in the last remnants of a bunch of grapes, a small opened carton of orange juice and a half eaten box of prawn/mayo salad. They were beginning to smell (it was a very hot summer) and had spilled all over mum's favourite dressing gown. It really upset me.

So very sorry for your losses OP. What a terrible time you are having.

We must have been lucky with our experience after reading some of these posts.

Dad died unexpectedly in a nursing home. It was the afternoon though and by the time we arrived the Police were there. We were asked if we had a preferred undertaker, which we didn't as it was unexpected. The home apparently had a rota of local undertakers who they arranged to come and collect him and take him to their Chapel of Rest. We were under no obligation to use them for the funeral but they were so kind we stayed with them. All very sympathetically handled by all concerned.

Dad paid a month in advance so as he had just paid we had the month to clear the room. We cleared the room the next day as the home said they could use the clothes if we didn't want them and there was not much in the way of personal possessions. They even gave us two weeks fees back as someone was moved in almost immediately.

Sadly the home closed down not long after.

That is appalling. I would be interested to know how good and bad experiences correlate with independent/small chain homes vs the big chains owned by private equity companies.

The most useful piece of advice we received when navigating this for the first time was focus on independents, don’t worry if the decor isn’t pristine. The chains all have pristine paintwork in the public areas but the independents had much lower staff turnover, more local staff and more engaged residents.

That's awful, I'm so sorry.

I've no idea, to be honest. It just seemed unlike the staff to be impatient.

When dmil died in the early hours, she couldnt be moved until the doctor had signed the death certificate the following morning, which gave us time to phone the undertakers, who came very quickly.
So sorry for your loss op 💐

I found out my mother had passed when th funeral director phoned me at 8am.
The home ( Barchester costs tousands) didn't bother telling me.

But what regulations? I’m not aware of any legal or health requirement for a body to be removed from its location to an undertakers within two hours (as has been cited on the thread).

Its certainly not been my experience with deaths both in care/hospital settings or at home and the fact that so many posters have also had better experiences suggests that its a care home imposed rule. If care homes want to impose this rapid removal on bereaved relatives then they need the matching process at entry to discuss death arrangements and have a plan to execute.

There wasn’t a prepaid funeral or a preferred FD for DM - the care home phoned their usual FD, who I have to say were very considerate and respectful.

My (childless) aunt, OTOH, had prepaid hers, and had stated her wishes, for which we were very grateful when the time came.

Talking of ‘respectful’, we accompanied a distraught friend to the FD shortly after her dh had died in a hospice. It was years ago but I still remember the kind and considerate wording the director used. Instead of saying they’d collected him from the hospice, he said, ‘Tom* is now in our care.’

*not his real name.

It's disgraceful - your term "indecent" is the right word - but sadly this is pretty standard behaviour in a lot of nursing homes. The owners are only interested in profit - they don't see residents as humans, just a way to generate revenue, and once the resident dies they are no longer profitable. Unfortunately this attitude from the top usually permeates downwards through to lower-level staff.

Given the sad reality that a nursing home will see most patients there until they die, it should be a condition of running a nursing home that there is suitable provision for the storage of bodies in a respectful manner. But of course this would eat into their profits so they would never do anything unless they were forced.

I'm sorry for your loss.

This does sound normal to me, unfortunately. One of my relatives died in a care home early on Christmas morning and the staff phoned us more than once to insist that she be moved ASAP. It did seem impatient and insensitive, but I'm guessing they're following regulations.

It is very unusual for a relative to be asked to have body removed from care home ! Usually there is a care plan fore end of life which details what the wishes are ,regarding undertaker etc . Care home would contact undertaker directly.

Sorry for your loses
It’s hot day , and very hot in nursing homes
i would not want a loved one lying around in their bed it’s not nice for staff

she could have worded it better maybe

God, there’s always one.

So sorry for your losses.

My dad died in a hospice and I was really surprised how quickly they pushed to call undertakers. My mum died in a hospital and they have a morgue. It took about 2 weeks to get her death certificate and for her body to be released.

😱😱!

It’s normal in my experience, when dh died within 5 hours he smelt but he was in hospital so went to the morgue after I left.

They need a quick turnaround on rooms or relatives take too long to remove belongings.

Most FD have a 24 hr line people die all times of day.

Its what a lot of you on this thread will have to deal with it’s not cruel we’re either living or decaying and bodies need cold storage asap.

They are assholes. They want her bed to be filled up asap for £. Do things in your own time. Speak to the manager not the nurses.

@MichaelandKirk they are both private homes - same group. Both my Gran and GMIL were self funding. GMIL is still self funding. Gran died pre covid so not sure if things have changed since.

It did seem a bit morbid at the time to be filling out death procedures but it made things much smoother when Gran did die. I suppose in the stark light of day, the home arranging pick up with the chosen funeral parlour and packing the room up is more profitable for the home as they can get it cleared, packed and cleaned within hours, ready for a new resident pretty much the next day.

I'm sorry for your recent losses, so close together, that's really difficult to deal with and no wonder you're struggling.

In all homes I've worked in we would have a section of the care plan that details what happens to the person once they've passed away, anyone that needs to be informed immediately, any religious rituals that should be observed and which FD is to be called and if anything specific needs to go with the person at the time. Some people won't even discuss it at all and others hand you all the details, others say they will deal with it when the time comes.

It does sound like a miscommunication between the home and you, in that they asked and maybe you didn't quite realise what they meant, but by saying you would organise it, they believed that they needed to call you to arrange MIL being collected rather than them doing so.
Nowhere I've worked had an 'arrangement' as such with any FD because people use different ones, if we were to call we'd already have the information on file, or we'd have to ask the NOK at the time it happened, which isn't a great time but sometimes there is no other option.

I've done this a lot unfortunately and I've always asked the family if they would like me to make the immediate arrangements either if they've been there or if I've needed to call them, no matter what the file said, and if no FD on file, ask who their preferred one is should they want us to call.

And yes, it is always preferable for someone to be collected through the night, it can be distressing for the other residents to witness and it's not always possible to keep them away or not come through a main area with a body. Plus as unfortunate as this is, doors to the outside need to be open which poses a risk to the residents who want to leave but can't.

Morning is also the busiest time in a care home with Drs, nurses, and other professionals visiting as well as families, people being helped to wash/shower and dress and eat breakfast, take medication and most places barely have enough staff for that, so adding a funeral director into that as well is really stretching the resources.

I get that it all feels a bit rushed to you right now, but I wouldn't delve into the whys and what fors at this time, you're grieving two people you loved and that's enough for anyone to deal with in one go, I don't think it's anyone's at fault either, it's just the way it has happened.

DF died in a nursing home at midnight and the undertakers collected him mid afternoon the following day. It didn’t matter that much because it was an old building probably not purpose built, and his room was near the entrance so nobody but us saw his body being wheeled out.

DM died in a different, purpose-built nursing home. We knew she was going and the Manager asked us to alert local undertakers that we would likely need them within a few hours. I didn’t particularly question it at the time. She died around 6pm and had to be wheeled past the main reception/coffee area around 10pm after all the residents were tucked up in their rooms.

Could it have been a similar situation for your mum? (Although it does seem speedily insensitive, barely giving you time to say goodbye.)