To want to send an angry email to our house buyer after he pulled out days before exchange

Yes the system / process is crazy. Agree with you there.
How annoying.
I don’t think emailing will do any good, but equally no harm. Unless they tell the estate agent who might not want to work with you again. But you probably don’t want to use them again anyway so what the hell … if it’ll make you feel better then go for it.

Good luck selling. I always tell myself when selling houses not to count my chickens till they’re roosted.

In my experience, someone who pulls out just before exchange has something going on that means they were never going to go through with the purchase - you just didn't know it. It may be that the money wasn't really there (estate agents don't check as thoroughly as they claim to) or maybe they weren't 100% about your place and have been continuing to view alternatives throughout, or whatever. You'll never discover the whole story, or it will have more holes in it than a swiss cheese, and emailing to give him a piece of your mind won't change that. I wouldn't beat yourself up about not exchanging in May though. I'd put money on the fact that even if you'd agreed there'd have been some reason it didn't happen.

I personally don't think the English system is broken but it's swings and roundabouts compared with other countries. I've just bought in Scotland and while it went smoothly I don't really get the adulation for the Scottish system that routinely gets expressed here. But what I do think is that, given the weaknesses of the English system, solicitors need to be more efficient, and estate agents need to be signed up to a code of conduct that would eliminate their almost universal dishonesty.

The house buying process in England is so so frustrating.
Have you heard of gazeal.co.uk?
A friend is now using them after a buyer pulled out of her house purchase. They offer protection against this. Both seller and buyer sign a commitment agreement and pay an amount to effectively insure themselves against this.

They wanted to exchange and complete on the same day?

It sounds like he got to the point where he decided, "Right, we need to settle this. I'll suggest a date and if it doesn't happen, I'm moving on." It didn't happen, he moved on. You could have organised professional movers to go in and pack and store everything in your absence.

It seems like a long time to me. We offered on our current house late December and moved in first week of Feb. Months wouldn't have been an option for us.

You're not unreasonable to want to send an email but don't do it. You don't know what might have happened for him to make this move and he'll probably just think he dodged a bullet with a crazy seller.

Okay, so you made your choice and he made his. Would you have chosen differently if you'd have known he was going to pull out otherwise?

Also exchange doesn't mean he can move in immediately. You could have exchanged when he wanted, and held firm on completion date.

You'd be very very unreasonable to email him. Sure, it's rubbish, and the system is rubbish, but it IS the system. He has every right to pull out if he wants, until it's all signed and sealed.

We pulled out of a purchase after a long wait. I don't know if it was the buyer dragging their feet or their inept estate agent but she was moving to a rental and I was a cash buyer so it should have been straigtforward.

It dragged on so long that it started causing issues with regards to the rental property I was in before. And in all the time I waited, the market had moved on, an almost identical house, but better in lots of ways, was for sale a few streets over. The seller of that property had also been messed around and - in contrast to the original seller - gave the impression of being very motivated to get the job done. I lost a four figure sum on the searches that had been done but it would have been far more had I been forced to sign a further six month rental contract that I didn't want or need. 100% the right decision for us.

I gathered from the conversation we had that the selling agent was not best pleased. The house stayed on the market for a very long time afterwards, so I presume the owner wasn't too fussed about moving after all. People need to realise that - whoever is the blame for the delays - that some folks can't, or won't wait indefinitely and that it's always possible that a better offer comes along.

I’m in Canada and honestly I find your real estate so confusing. Seems anyone can just pull out at any time with no consequences.

It must be maddening. I don’t blame you for being upset!

Sounds like he really needed to move in end of May. You couldn’t do that so missed the slot.

Our estate agent did take a £2,000 deposit from the buyer when we accepted their offer. So some companies do take a deposit to ensure they are serious.

I don't think "being out of town" is a good enough reason not to exchange then move to settlement if the buyer was ready in May. It's all done via electronic documents now. So you were unreasonable as well ...

No @Parkingbird you are not being in the slightest bit unreasonable to want to send an angry email, but it won't make the slightest difference to him, although it might make you feel better 😊
Good luck with the viewing and hope you sell soon.

Understand your frustration, been there myself. However, you can’t be angry at them for pulling out as buying a house is an enormous undertaking and it’s their prerogative to change their mind.

I really think our system is broken. My mum had the opposite-seller agreed a price, woman promised and went on and on about how honest she was and that she'd never gazump-and then someone else offered more. Bank wouldn't allow my mum more as they said the house just wasn't worth it. It's all very well saying a house isn't sold until it's all completed-but the system makes it very difficult. You don't get months of house moving leave-you have to work, be pregnant, whatever else you're doing while organising moving, furniture, schools etc. I don't know why they can't make it law that a seller organises a survey, just like cars have MOT certs, and that cert/any other legal things/searches etc need to be available and read before prospective buyers can view. Then if they like your house, they can bid-if you accept, there's a recorded meeting where buyer and sellers agree on moving dates/what you're leaving etc. Apparently other countries manage to make it less complicated. Doesn't help, and I'm so sorry this has happened to you, but an article said people find house buying the number one most stressful thing. Sadly, it's likely to get even worse for the next generation.

Longer than usual? The timescale is completely normal.

I get that you are upset, but if there's no way the buyer will reconsider you're just going to have to move on from this and find another buyer.

X posted with update from OP -
sounds like solicitors weren’t great here and possibly cost the sale. Why did queries take weeks?
hope the viewing goes well and I hope the solicitors do a better job if you will continue to use them.

@SpryUmberZebra and in those countries if you accepted the offer in February would you still be saying in May that you were too busy and heading out of town? Or once parties are locked in with an accepted offer do you then progress quickly to completion? I am not responsible for the unfairness or otherwise of the English system. Knowing the system for what it is it does seem that the seller here should have made more effort to exchange in a timely fashion given the fact their new purchase was critical and was riding on it.

The whole system is fucked. 'Offers over'. Aye. Pay the surveyor, pay the solicitor, put the offer in, start all over again.

Too long had passed.. Feb sale agreed and we're moving into June now.. thsta too long for many people. Two months is more like the norm/hope. We've done 8-9 weeks each time we bought. Had they been asking for date of completion a few times along the way? Sounds like they felt unsure if you were going to actually sell at all.

I think you’re being unfair and yes she is right tbsh the system is broken. In many countries you make an offer and when it accepted you’re locked in baring some agreed conditions eg mortgage falls through or it fails inspection or stuff like that but the Uk system buyers or sellers can pull out until last minute or be gazumped.

The buyer pulling out simply because they collect exchange when he wanted makes no sense because it will take longer to find another house and go through the process again.

The way I understand OPs post it looks like they sprung a completion date which gave them no notice as they were out of town and wouldn’t be able to move their stuff out in time so I don’t get why you’re making it sound like she didn’t want to sell.

I’ve bought houses in other countries and you’re locked in once the offer is accepted and contract signed and you have a target date written into the contract so you’re not having to guess when they may want to complete.

The prospective buyer has no obligation to consider your preschool arrangements or the house you might buy. They have to look after their own interests. For these reasons they won't care what you say in an email after stalking them online. You will sound like a nut job.

You could have stipulated from the outset that no way would you exchange and complete on the same day as you have a family to move and need to finalise removals.

Why did you change preschool etc before completion?

It sounds like everything was on your terms “we were out of town”, ”don’t have the time” etc. It’s fine but it doesn’t sound like someone who took ages to sell and was desperate to conclude the transaction. Fair enough, you weren’t to know these things would be deal breakers but the time taken has given him maybe too much time to reconsider. Sorry you’re disappointed but don’t think you should send angry emails.