To want to send an angry email to our house buyer after he pulled out days before exchange

Don’t contact them, you don’t know what’s happened. They might have just seen something that suited them better and thought sod it (fair enough, everyone has to do what’s best for themselves in life); or something terrible might have happened.

When I was with my ex husband 25 years ago, we had to pull out of a house sale just before exchange as he was diagnosed with lymphoma. He was the main earner, if he couldn’t work or something happened to him, I couldn’t have afforded th mortgage so we didn’t want that stress. The sellers did contact us and they made a horrendous time even worse.

You can’t force someone to buy your house, it’s not like you’ll contact them and they will go, “oh yes! Okay then, we’ll go ahead and buy it after all.”

Yes.. you must have known it was a risk.

Sorry it happened OP

No necessarily true. Where I am it's up to the buyer to do any due diligence, or put conditions on the contract of sale.

You can exchange and then agree a completion date a few weeks later.
We did that each time we bought a house.
Although now it seems to have become more common for people to exchange and complete on the same day which I think is very risky and maybe why this issue sees to crop up more

This!

You can exchange contracts and wait to complete. This would have prevented the buyer backing out.

I'm sorry this has happened, something similar happened to my daughter
It's horrible but don't contact him it won't change anything.
A deposit is made on exchange of contracts usually 10% of the purchase price but until then anyone can pull out.
I hope your seller agrees to wait for you.
Good luck

tbsh the system is broken. In many countries you make an offer and when it accepted you’re locked in baring some agreed conditions eg mortgage falls through or it fails inspection or stuff like that but the Uk system buyers or sellers can pull out until last minute or be gazumped

@SpryUmberZebra You're describing the English system, I think. Scottish system is better

Well, this is more encouraging news. I voted YABU because
A/ you don’t know the buyer’s individual circumstances and
B/ an angry email would solve nothing.

However, I agree with you that the system itself is designed to stress and frustrate both sellers and buyers and it would be lovely if it were more simple and straightforward.

Keeping fingers crossed for you that you’ll get another buyer soon, and the process is much smoother for both sides x

So you couldn't do the date he wanted, did you offer an alternative? Sounds like you're not ready to move out and he's keen to get in and got frustrated with you.

Absolutely gutting and I feel really sorry for you.

But DO NOT email! Partly because you don't know their situation, they may be really struggling but also because you never know who knows who... imagine if you emailed some angry email and the story got back to someone who was a potential buyer for your house?

Urgh, I can't remember how many times we got gazumped trying to buy a house in the UK. I think I blocked it out, it was soul destroying.

Then we moved to South Africa and the first house we put an offer in, got accepted. We were bracing ourselves that it was going to go the same way, until we realised that is not how it works here.

Everything was done smoothly and efficiently. Offer in September, moved in on the 1st of December. Just under 3 months.

I would hate to try to buy property in the UK again.

It's utterly pointless sending a stroppy email. At best he probably won't even read it, at worst you might find that he had a very good personal reason for having to pull out such as serious illness, in which case you'll feel awful for making it worse.

Sounds better

Don’t know why everyone’s picking on the exchange date- it didn’t work for one party, that’s not unreasonable.
send the email, doesn’t change anything but if it makes you feel better OP do it!

He would have paid his deposit when you exchanged and he would have been locked in. You chose not to exchange earlier, therefore choosing to forego that protection and it still isn’t at all clear why, because being out of town is irrelevant. You took steps to change your child’s preschool and activities without any legal commitment on the sale... I get you’re frustrated but sending a letter to the buyer would be utterly ridiculous.

Moving house is difficult

I put in offer for a house last year November…. Nothing was done until after Christmas.

the January the solicitor started the searches and a few issues came up…. This lead to a delay… then by March I had issues with the mortgage and more delays… then May, once these issues were sorted and I was looking for an exchange date… sellers pulled out and went to the modern day auction instead.

Frustrating as it is … I won’t contact seller on personal level. Everyone has their reasons.

My process starts all over again.

One of the reasons why I'm still in my first house after 35 years with no intention to move!

The solicitors call you before exchange. You have to be available for the call. If yhe exchange fails the process is repeated the next day.

We were away when we exchanged and our buyer's buyer was too. All the paperwork is there, with the respective solicitors; you didn't need to be around. But you might not be in England.

I would find out why they pulled out through yhe agent but then look forward and focus on getting another buyer. The system is ridiculous and in my opinion you absolutely have to be around for exchange. Its a stress process. I also think times between exchange and completion are now very quick. Ours was one day !

plenty of sellers have no issues pulling out when they get a higher offer.

I don't like the system, but sellers don't want the responsibility of survey do they? Countries where buyers can't pull out have the info upfront

OP I feel your frustration!

Mine threatened to pull out days before exchange unless I knocked a further £5k off as she had split with her partner - she was buying the house herself anyway. She knew I was in precarious circumstances and on the verge of having to declare bankruptcy, on my own with 2 children.

Horrible horrible woman - she completely took advantage of my situation, knowing I was desperate to sell and had already signed for a rental property. I ended up taking a loan out to cover the then agreed £3.5k reduction - I was already heavily in debt following my marriage breakdown. Just massively increased my stress and pushed me further into depression.

I pettily removed every single light bulb from the property upon move date. Middle of winter. Tiny inconvenience for her. But I genuinely hope karma bit back at her somewhere else too - I’ve risen magnificently from the ashes.

To be fair, it’s not like conveyancers are sitting round twiddling their thumbs. All the ones I know are incredibly hard working and constantly on the verge of overwhelm. We expect conveyancing so cheaply they have to take on 10 times a sensible workload to make the work economic so it takes longer, and people using these massive conveyancing shops for hundreds of pound makes it worse- they don’t know what they are doing, make mistakes and slow everything down.

Like with everything in life you pay peanuts you get monkeys, but if people continue to want relatively cheap skilled legal work ( cutting corners on the most expensive thing most of us will even buy & which we don’t understand makes total sense!) it isn’t going to change. I like the Scottish system.

The English house buying system has serious flaws, but it's what we are stuck with.

Write the letter (letter, not e-mail), as you need to let go of your frustration. Then burn it.
Fingers crossed the right people view the house over the weekend, and you are all set to go again.