Professional Ex vs SAHM

But the OP doesn't drive so not much point having the car

He's not a higher earner. Does he call himself that? Full time minimum wage is nearly £30k these days

He can't do 50/50. If he does less, then you get CMS. Watch him do no childcare as soon as he has to pay you anything.

He needs to get his own car. The DLA is in your name, you're the carer and you don't drive. You need to give the mobility car back and receive the money equivalent.

He's trying to get a sweet deal for himself here, and calling anything that represents the actual situation "screwing each other over." There's no "each other" about it. He's screwing you over but gaslighting that's what you're doing if you don't allow him to financially use you.

Strap in. Just the flat rate what you're entitled to is a "piss take" to heroes like this. So be prepared to be the money grabbing bitch for having the audacity to stop him fleecing you and your children.

Get that car handed back before the DWP get wind of what's going on & take it off you. You'll then have one hell of a job proving you need the travel element at all, because you managed just fine while the car was being utilised elsewhere. That's your child's future independence you're playing with.

Get rid of the motability car and claim the high rate mobility instead. You'll need it as you will be the primary carer and will need to pay for taxis.

I also think he's going to try to blindside you.

Hang on, he wanted 50% custody, his £47,000 income, the UC and at least half the disability related benefits? What's his basis for thinking he's the primary carer??

Re 50% custody, surely he can't claim it's 50% on the paperwork and then only do 40%? It's either 50% or it's not. I would say to him that as it's going to be 50:50 very soon, how about a 2 week trial of the custody arrangements (even if you're still living together). Make it clear you won't step in on his 'days', pick up the kids from school, attend any appointments etc for them, help put them to bed... If anything happens during his work hours he'll just have to take unpaid leave like the rest of us. Hopefully the reality will set it...

I’d phone the Motability helpline for advice on the car. I have a Motability vehicle and yes, my husband can use it to go to work or to go shopping for family groceries but he shouldn’t use it to go for a haircut or to go fishing, for example, as I don’t directly benefit from that. Not sure how it is with a child who cannot drive and it’s the only vehicle in the family. Personally I think they’ll tell you to hand the car back and receive the mobility element payments instead. If you do end up with a 60/40 split then you deduct the 40% from any maintenance you receive. Your husband should get his own vehicle and be responsible for everything that Motability covers.

From what I've read on here you won't get any maintenance if care is 50/50. That's why men want it. Not on. And it won't even be 50/50. You will end up doing more. Say no if you can.

I’d do some careful checks about this before agreeing to anything, I would have though the vehicle needs to available and used for the benefit of the disabled person. If it’s not at their primary residence and mostly (I.e.e more that 50%) used for commuting I’d be concerned it was being misused and what that would mean for the claimant.

You need legal advice. This man’s main interest is himself, not his child and definitely not you.

This isn't strictly true. My mother has a mobility car, and it is perfectly ok for my dad to drive it without her in it, or even being picked up in it. So no, the OP is not going to get in 'big trouble' for the current set up.

But he would be well and truly stretching this to assume it was ok to take it to a different household from the child. That would not be allowed. Even if he tries to claim the child then has the use of it 50% of the time...that would only work if the OP then took it for the other 50%.

Only logical thing to do is to hand the car back and regain the mobility element of the DLA as a payment, this can then be used to pay for public transport etc, the ex can sort his own car out.

£47k is not a high earner

He's not allowed to use the car to get to work. The mobility car is for the child's use only, for you to be able to drive the child. If the child is not in the car, or will be soon ime driving somewhere to pick the kid up you shouldn't be using it. It's not your exes car, it's not even your car. It's only for the child. If this is found out, you'd both get in big trouble.

If its not practical for the car to be kept at wherever the child is 100% of the time, because you don't drive maybe, then you need to give back the car and get the money.

In your shoes, I would ask for the money instead of the mobility car. Ex can get his own car.

Were you always a SAHM throughout marriage? I would be getting legal advice as the court will take that into consideration.

Is there any asset like property to be split?

Can you not learn to drive? I would make that a top priority, life is hard enough with a disability without him being reliant on taxis and limited further with ability to get to places.

The CMS calculator doesn’t account for a true 50/50 split. If he does go for 50/50 then no maintenance will be owed.

On 47k, renting and a sahm? I doubt there’s been spare cash to put into pension.

o/p do you/can you work? If he genuinely does 50:50 would that enable you to get back on the career ladder?

you may face an issue where if you force CMS he then doesn’t have enough net income to afford a place he can have the kids. Then you get into a trap where you are landed with the kids 99% of the time, can’t get your life and earning power back on track, and he’s stuck paying you with not enough to live on.

I would try for 50% as it may benefit you in the long term.

have you looked at entitled to? How much will you get between UC and other benefits?

definitely give the car back though if you don’t drive.

You need legal advice asap. It doesn't matter if he wants to do it privately; that is likely not in your best interest under the complicated situation. Hence his being 'nice' at the moment.

It may make more sense for you to give up the car entirely and get transport. Alternatively, learn to drive and keep the car at yours. I wouldn't risk having him be listed as the primary carer if the car is registered to his home address.

He cannot keep the car.
The car would need to be registered at the house where your son spends the majority of his time - so whoever is the primary carer. You cannot claim for a Motability car for your son that your ex will be using 100% of the time which would HAVE to be at his address for insurance purposes unless your son is registered as living there. It’s for your sons benefit,
If you then claim carers allowance for the child at your address somethimg will flag up as a child cannot have two primary residences.
Send the car back, split the DLA payment proportionally to who has the kids (ie 60/40) and you will need to,look for a job on the days your ex has the children - so three days per week potentially.

He is trying to screw you over.

Starting point: what is best for the DC? Is it 50-50? Then proceed from there.

I suggest you speak to Rights of Women or Womens Aid for advice about getting a solicitor. They have a list of experienced solicitors who are used to dealing with complex situations. And yours is complex.

Don't forget about pensions @TheFirstSeaMonster Has he been paying into your private pension whilst you've been a SAHM? You should be entitled to some of his pension. This is why you need a solicitor.

I did the same as you with the CMS calculator and thought even 50/50 would mean he paid something. However another poster on here shared the website and screenshot of it saying that if it is 50/50 then they are required to pay nothing. Almost like the calculator really is working it out as 6/14 nights or something. But read it like you originally.

That's convenient for him, no solicitors involved otherwise they'd be wise to his manipulation of you.

Get legal advice. Don't let him tell you what to do, you're leaving him for a reason.

Get legal advice, and don't tell him. It may give you the confidence when you are discussing things with him to stay strong and know you are being fair/in the right. It helped me! I was able to stand my ground more and not give in for ease.