Professional Ex vs SAHM

And the truth comes out ... This is why he wants the car. He was planning to go for primary carer all along, even though that is clearly you, and will screw you over at every turn.

Get a lawyer. Spend the money. Get a lawyer. Don't give up your primary carer status and either learn to drive or sell the car.

File for CMS and get every penny your child, HIS CHILD, is entitled to to have a decent life on. He shouldn't have had children if he didn't want to pay for them. Arsehole!

Because it would be his time with them, and as their father it would be up to him to organize childcare, even if you would be willing to have them.

A father requesting 50/50 is likely to get it, so be prepared for that.

That would only apply if OP’s husband earned in excess of £156,000 gross.

Please tell me you're not agreeing to an 830 pick up? You'll end up unable to work but not receiving CM, while he is unaffected.

You need a solicitor and to go through the CSA. Stop talking to h, you can see how unreasonable he is.

OP have you been living under a rock? Seriously. How many threads are there where the dickhead father wants the kids ten minutes before bedtime, then returns them in the morning because CMS only care about where the child spends the night. Are you suggesting you've never seen any of these?

He's got to turn into a prize prick unless you let him screw you over. So ask yourself . Are you going to be financially abused so he can live pretty at your expense, or are you going to do 99% of the parenting from now on because he only wants the kids (at night) to stop a CMS claim, not because he wants to see them, and when you don't let him do that, it's of no use to him to see them at all. Wake up.

You need to stand your ground, claim CMS and tell him to go through court for 50/50 as it's very clear he isn't going to be stepping up and caring for your disabled DC. I'd imagine if your recieve carers allowance and DLA then your DC isn’t going to manage regular breakfast club, after school club and holiday club. So ask him in court to evidence how he is going to provide care on his days. Get proof of how much you expect care to cost, as hiring a carer for a disabled DC often costs in excess of £100 p/h and clearly he doesn't earn enough to afford that.

To me it seems like he wants the 50/50 custody and primary carer of the disabled child so that he can keep the car as that's his method of transport to get to work.

I assume he doesn't have another car?

If he's not the primary carer, then as you don't drive, you would be far better off getting the mobility payment so you can pay for taxis/buses etc... and clearly this would impact him and not you.

If he wants to do 50/50, then he can't just collect them at 8.30pm unless that's ok with you. His 24 hours for that day would then need to be until 8.30pm the next day.

I think I'd be contemplating legal advice, but also putting forward your own proposal of what you feel is fair. e.g. he keeps the mobility car but pays you £300 a month.

If ex had a week off he would help to transport our son to respite or any hospital appointments etc.

He might do that now but I wouldn’t be so confident that he’d take time off to help your child. Divorced men often prioritise their own needs like seeing their new woman over their kids as they see it as the mum’s problem.

If you do agree to 50/50 then make sure he pays you money for feeding dc and any other costs on “his nights” like dc’s bus fare from school to your home. Can teen travel from school to his house on their own? He can’t have 50/50 without changing his working hours or buying in help. Most men decide that paying CM is better because it’s less money and less hassle (no booking childcare on school holidays, taking day off if child is ill etc)

If he will be using the car when the child is not in his care or he’s not doing activities for the disabled child - ie picking up child’s shopping as opposed to going to work and using it for his own personal reasons. He will be committing benefit fraud. It would be different if that was the households car and the parent had the child 100% of the time, but that is not the case so

OP this is why you need a solicitor. You will need to get a CAO in place so he can’t mess you about with nonsense like picking kids up at 8.30pm.

What will your salary be OP?

No, because although he's said he wants them 50% of the time, the reality is he can't have the younger disabled child that much. He seems to want to have his cake (no CM and extra UC) and eat it (not actually provide 50:50).

I believe upthread he was suggesting really silly arrangements not in best interests of children like picking them up at 8.30pm so he could say he'd had them for the evening / night.

I am concerned that he's not going to step up for the disabled child and is wishfully thinking this won't affect his work at all.

He's also just not the 'primary carer' in any way.

I think you are on shakey ground to be honest and the best way to move forward is for both of you to accept that you’re not functioning as a family unit now, you’re going to be two households and just try and figure out what works best for everyone.

£47k isn’t a high earner, 50/50 you’re getting £0, the calculator is notoriously inaccurate for 50/50.

The car- technically yes he could keep it and use it for work, if he can’t go to work he can’t pay for anything for your kids, but how would that impact you/DC? I’d work out how often currently the car is used/needed for DC, appointments, food shops, prescriptions, school etc, work out what impact that’s going to have and then you can see whether you’d be better off letting the car stay or giving it back and using the money for taxi’s instead.

If you’re claiming the DLA, and you want to be petty about transferring money for the car, you should also be transferring him money from that because that money is for the child 100% of the time- you do not have the child 100% of the time.

He is trying to con you.
50/50 means he needs to do whole days so if Monday is an inset day then he needs to take the time off or organise childcare for the younger child (who I assume is the one with SN) He can’t pick up the kids after work and drop off in the morning. That’s technically how CMS works (overnights) but isn’t in the spirit of things. He can’t have every weekend to make up his time either. Start with every other weekend (so you can both chill with the kids on their days off school) and remind him that there’s 13 weeks of school holidays and he’s responsible for whole days not just nights. He does school run and pick ups, takes to activities and clubs, takes the day off when they are sick…

If he does 50/50 then technically you’re supposed to claim child benefit for one child each. Make sure he does a true 50%

You have a disabled child
50/50 care is not in your child's best interests
You need to end the lease on the car and gave the money to pay for taxis
You are the carer of your child ,your DC needs to be in one place with you the majority of the time ,not chopping and changing houses causing confusion

And yes, this! He can't just have them for the hours they sleep and then dump them with you again so that he doesn't have to do any actual caring. 24 hour period should count as a day.

That is absolutely not what the car is for
It totally is not to get your DH to work
That is taking advantage of the system

If there is a difference in income you will receive cms even when it's 50/50 care. It sounds like OP will be entitled to some.

Pick them up at 8.30pm 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 nope they are his responsibility from the end of school until he takes them back to school the next day as you will be working/studying/having a life!!