Professional Ex vs SAHM

Id return the car to get the payment instead and he can probably fund a car for himself from the proportionate amount (40% or however much he has him) he will recieve of the payment; having access to a car does benefit your child but also then he can use it for what he wants when he isnt with him. I would suggest getting some advice so that you both get what you are entitled to.

The Op is conveniently missing out the UC she would be entitled too I'm in a similar position, it's not an insignificant sum.

The car needs to stay wherever the DC is.
Are you supposed to be trapped in the house on your days.
If he has DC 50% of the time he'd be entitled to half the carer payment and zero maintenance.
You would not meet the criteria for FT care.

Don't be disengenuous you will get a considerable amount in UC
My son gets DLA at the highest rates I get carers allowance, my dh works
We also get all decent amount in UC

What is she going to do with the severely disabled child while she works more hours? There is no regular childcare for these children. 'His' money is also his children's money.

Also no one is talking about the other child the ex doesn't see.

You're not entitled to his money if you have 50/50. Can you get a better paying job or work more hours? No doubt you'll get UC top up.

What he is suggesting is outrageous. I'm sure all those years as a SAHM / unpaid carer has allowed him to progress in a full time career. Particularly as I'm aware just how difficult it will be to find childcare for your youngest.

£14,870.40 plus a bit of child benefit for an adult and two children is a poverty income. He wants his children to live in poverty for 50% of the time and has the absolute indecency of calling himself the primary caregiver?

That is actually horrendous.

He definitely is trying to screw her over.

He gets £47,000 a year, which OP says is the "higher" of the wages. He's asking for 50:50 on paper but is not able to do more than 2/3 "nights" a week (after 8.30pm). He wants half the DLA and the motability car and be listed as the primary carer so he receives the UC element.

So he would get £47,000 + £2,870.40 (half DLA) plus UC top up and motability car for 8.30pm - 9am care maximum 3x a week (37.5 hours, most of which they'll be asleep) plus, let's be generous and assume one of those days is a weekend (+ another 12 daytime hours = 49.5 hours a school week). Fuck knows what his plan is for holidays, illness, insets...

In ex's scenario OP would get a lower wage (£25,000? £35,000? £40,000?) + £2,870.40, no UC top up, no car and the mobility component DLA tied up in the car the ex is driving to work. She would care for at least the youngest child 3pm - 8.30pm on the ex's nights (severely impacting her ability to work). Assuming she also has a weekend day, and taking into account school, she'll be doing over 80 hours a week caring, for a lot less money.

If he really, truly wants 50:50 (which is extremely unlikely to be beneficial for the kids), he needs to do full days and nights, half of weekends, half of holidays. The motability car needs to be given up and the component claimed, then all the DLA split in half exactly. UC should then see who is entitled to what, if anything, in the separate households (salary + £4,873.70 DLA both components + any UC they are separately entitled to).

He's a cock. Red flags all over the fucking place. I disliked him immensely already.

I do think that’s different, but I do agree that in this case the father keeping the car while the mother pays for taxis for the child is wrong. The car should go back

It's more taking the child's mobility component of the DLA for picking up from OP's on a Friday just before bed before dropping off again Sunday afternoon whilst he uses it for the rest of the time for his benefit and OP has to fund all other transport from her income instead of DLA.

The thing that really stands out is that although, yes, the car is able to be used to get to work, if earning an income benefits the disabled child, the mobility is awarded to help the child and that is the priority, and their needs for transport should be paramount.

So if when the car is needed to transport the disabled child, and the OP is having to pay out of other money for taxis and transport, then that is not what the car was intended for. It was assumed that the car would be used to transport the child in this circumstance - so Im guessing that the dad should be either taking time off to do that, or OP should be driving so that the car can be used by her on those days, and her ex would use public transport to get to work. If ex WAS taking flexitime / parental leave / organising his week around his disabled child, then he would at least have some argument for being 50-50, but if he has just had the benefit of the mobility car and left OP to struggle on, at her cost (given all the mobility funding has gone on the car) then it kind of pisses on his claim.

And further, I would imagine that its completely a no go for him to keep and use the car when they separate. If OP doesnt drive, then the car should be handed back, and the money for transport split according to when its needed. Im assuming that dad is going to take days off for appointments going forward if they land on his days?

You’ll never get any traction with that on here. Even at 50 50 many posters still feel the man needs to pay something and as for a man taking half of a child’s DLA… unthinkable

If you’re going back to work you will lose carers.

The car should be with the child so with you when you have him and with dad when dad has him.

CM wise. You need to ensure it’s 50/50 and no you’re not likely to get maintenance.

Stop having these conversations with him @TheFirstSeaMonster and speak with a good solicitor first.

He's doing a number on you.

Nope. The child should have access 100% of the time.

47k is not high earner. Monthly take home income likely to not be too dissimilar between op income ( from aug) plus uc plus cb plus dla

if op ex is having teen 50:50 there’ll be a nill assessment, if the younger is 2-3 nights per week it will be based on that, if there are other children not with op that will reduce any monies to the op

If he keeps the car then make sure he agrees to do all pick ups and drop offs. If school isn’t walking distance away then you need him to do the school run- drop offs and/or pick ups and if he can’t make the times then to use before and after school
club at his expense.

You can also ask for the right of first refusal - that you have the option to have the DC with you prior to him outsourcing it to friends/family/formal childcare.

If the teen is 50:50 he still has to pay CMS for the youngest. Don’t agree to transfer the CB for either child over to him.

Do you know what your teen would prefer? Do they want to live 50:50 week on week off between houses?

As PP have suggested a solicitor is the way to go, as the situation seems too complex with too many variables to easily calculate.

I think it's a bit harsh to say anyone is screwing anyone over or manipulating as such. People tend to get tunnel vision and only think of things from their own perspective.

Ex earns 47K a year but with a child from a previous relationship to support it's closer to say 40K. That's not a huge salary to support 2 DC, rent etc.

So I wouldn't say ex is trying to screw OP over but also he's not likely looking at things from OP's POV. That might be difficult for him since OP was the one who chose to end the relationship.

DC interests are what matters so a solicitor is the way to go. I hope it all works out for the best OP as it's no doubt been a very testing time for everyone.

The car “belongs” to your dc and is for their benefit. How long is the contract left? I’d switch to taking the money! Speak to the dla helpline because i suspect him having the car when the child isn’t with him is against the rules.

please get legal advice from a solicitor experienced in additional needs, they must be fairly high to get the car so you need to be clear on rights etc

What would you teen want ? Legally a judge would allow an over 11 choose how much time they spent at each parent’s house so if you teen isn’t likely to be happy with 50/50 then it’s a matter of time before you’d be renegotiating the money angle.

Is your ex’s mother available for whole days during school holidays and when they are ill? What’s the kids’ relationship with his mother like ? Is she likely to help host friends to come round on school holidays, take them to parties on dad’s weekend etc? Are you getting at least every other weekend and half school holidays to see your kids properly and enable them to see your side of the family ?

What do you want childcare to look like? If it’s 50/50 then he organises childcare for both kids on his days, and he covers their costs eg clothing, clubs etc. In terms of benefits my DH and I have 50/50 for my disabled DD and we split her DLA half each because we both care for her when she’s with us and both have additional costs associated with her care. So if work out the balance of the motability element and the care element and see if they balance out. If they do, he could keep the car and you keep the money, if they don’t you could cancel the car and split the money so you both have support for the additional costs of your child.

If he’s on £47k he’s unlikely to be entitled to benefits unless there’s childcare costs but that doesn’t apply with a teenager.

He is 100% looking to fuck you over.