Professional Ex vs SAHM

Tbf, if my calculations above are in the ballpark, on a 4.1k net per month she should be able to bung some cash in a sipp, and possibly put some aside for later life too.

Please don't forget pension in all of this. The less you work, the less you contribute to a pension and he will be contributing from full time hours. If you are only working school hours to ensure you are available all the other time and he does no school pick ups, it's still disadvantaging you. Do not agree to do after school care on his days, then you can work longer hours. If he can't do pick ups, he can't do the over nights and should.pay more in child support.

Sorry, but stop that.

With UC for you, two children, carer element, disabled child element, child benefit, DLA and your wages, your monthly take home is MORE than his. And he won't be getting his rent paid for him either.

He's a money swindling prick. No doubt about it. But don't play silly buggers about what you'll be receiving per month by only stating your wages.

You'll get even more when he gives you maintenance as well.

The DLA will be about £800 if the car h
goes back, quite a bit more than her Dh.

I have just put some hypothetical numbers into entitled 2.

2 children, primary school age.
rent 800/month
one child with significant disabilities
caring responsibilities for above child over 35 hours
child receives higher rate DLA
12000 income from employment
carers allowance.

total benefits 534/week.

so total income 27k UC
12k employment

that’s 39k. Presumably that’s net as no tax under 12k, and no tax on benefits.

that’s an income of 3.3k per month.
plus your child’s DLA.

your dh on 47k will be getting somewhere around 2.7k net.

so pretty even.

1. In any legal dispute, do not take legal advice from your opponent.

2. 'You don't need a solicitor' constitutes legal advice.

3. You have split up, so there is no 'we'. Any suggestions about how 'we' should proceed are to be treated with extreme caution.

This.

when I was earning 25k I still got a decent UC top up for two kids.

there’s no way you’ll be living on 14k with DLA, UC, CB etc.

if he wants 50:50 I’d negotiate you keeping the DLA, returning the car, and no ongoing maintenance.

I agree, your husband is only concerned about the car and having to pay child maintenance. There's no way he can look after them 50/50, that's on average 15 nights a month ( child maintenance only count overnights)
The carers element is means tested and comes out your UC anyway.
You need to have it written down on paper exactly when he has the kids, how many nights a week to work out maintenance.
The car needs to go back as your child will only benefit from it while with dad.
This all needs discussed with a solicitor. So you and your children don't get screwed over but also looking at what is realistic for dad to be able to live and pay for the children while in his care.

Apologies if I've missed it but could you learn to drive?

Motability can pay for lessons in some circumstances.

You need to see a solicitor. He is being a selfish snake with the car, you cannot be expected to manage 70% of the week without it.
He is trying to fool you into believing that you are getting a good deal.

HRC and HRM suggests significant disabilities.

High rate care and high rate mobility DLA does.

I’d personally prefer for taxes not to fund people’s mistakes (marrying and having kids with the wrong man).

No one said the child was “severely disabled”.

If you've not been working to care for your DC, to enable your husband to work, then you may also be entitled to some of his pension. It's definitely worth getting some legal advice.

Picking the DC up at 8:30 in the evenings to have them sleep in the bed at his house and then call having said DC 50% of the time because they slept there is not 50% of the care.

Week on/week off would be 50%. Working around his shift schedule and you further covering a significant portion of 'his' time, on top of your own, absolutely does not allow him to claim he's a 50/50 parent ... or the primary carer ... so don't agree to this.

I strongly suggest you get a lawyer and insist that all communication go through said lawyer. He's only concerned about his own well being, not yours.

Unless there is 'true shared care' as in he does half of all appointments with medical and school etc then you can claim child maintenance from him, less than half
Of what it would be if he had no overnights.
However if he claims he does 5050 he could
Also apply to child benefit and have one of the children's benefits changed to him and counter claim child maintenance from you (you wouldn't pay him much if you're on such which could mean you'd lose that child's part of the UC .

No, in a 50/50 arrangement, there is no CMS to be paid. Both parents are responsible for costs when the children are with them.

Of course any disability benefits should be split equally so the child benefits from it at both houses.

Would you prefer people to stay in unhappy marriages to minimise the tax payers burden?

Yet another example of people divorcing and the tax payer picking up the bill.

Absolutely not. I'd do everything via the solicitors and apply for a child arrangement order. I'd also return the mobility vehicle and get the mobility component of DLA.

You and your ability to work is impacted by doing all the childcare. He doesntbget to claim that he's doing 50:50 and pick up his kid at 8.30. While you've done the pick ups, drop offs, all the meals, homework and at that time probably the bath time as well. He only wants to limit his financial liability. It'd nothing to do with bring with his kids. Also how is 50:50 working when the kids gave school holidays/ sick days ?

Honestly, he's trying to fuck you over. If he wants 50:50 it needs to be 50:50. You do set days and on his days he's responsible for pick up, drop off, packed lunches, dinners, homework, laundry, sick days, school holidays, after school clubs ect. 50:50 isn't picking up the kids at 8.30 and putting them to bed.

Just tell him he can have the kids full-time and arrange childcare for them, and you'll be the EOW parent and go back to work.

You won’t get carers when you go back to work.