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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hate DSD sticking stuff to her walls

188 replies

Eriani · 28/05/2025 17:44

DSD is 20, she’s just finishing her second year of uni. She’s living with us and isn’t from the UK (neither is DH). I’ve really struggled to bond with her, she talks to DH in her native language and puts little effort into joining the family as a whole. DH has made it clear I shouldn’t force her.

DSD has a pretty small room, though not a box room, it’s outdated and we told her we’d redecorate it for her. She said she likes that the paint is a little faded and the wall paper is “old fashioned”, we’ve offered new furniture, to carpet it (just floor boards right now, band sanded and varnished). She keeps saying it’s fine as it is, but we did get her a rug and a taller bookshelf.

She has taken up a habit of sticking stuff to the walls, a poster she got from a tourist shop for free that’s a bit tatty, a random vintage tennis racket etc. That’s fine though. My actual issue is one wall is so random, I know it’s not my room, but she has sticky notes with random quotes from books, pages from books ripped out, a letter from her boyfriend etc. Tbh it’s an eyesore and very random and all tapped up with cello tape.

DH thinks it’s fine, she hasn’t asked us to redecorate and it’s how she wants it. I’m almost never in there so it doesn’t impact me, but I do go in and hoover and change her bedding occasionally (she does her own most of the time but sometimes to be nice I do it). Also my kids have recently had their rooms redone so I would never let them do this, I also think it’s quite childish for someone in their 20s.

AIBU to hate this and suggest she finds another way to display this stuff? Or should I just let her do as she wishes?

OP posts:
Brickiscool · 28/05/2025 18:19

What a really really strange thing to be worried about.

Greywarden · 28/05/2025 18:15

You're being ridiculously unreasonable.

parietal · 28/05/2025 18:13

Why do you even look in her room? It is her private space to decorate however she wants. If she decides to paint purple demons on the ceiling and bright green walls, that’s her choice.

you shouldn’t even be opening the door.

Meadowfinch · 28/05/2025 18:13

YABVU It's her room, not yours. Leave her to have it as she wishes.

If it causes you such stress, ask her to hoover her own room, or get your dh to do it.

Have you tried speaking her language?

FortyElephants · 28/05/2025 18:12

She's 20. Who are you to 'let' or not 'let' her decorate her room since it isn't doing you any harm?!

mugglewump · 28/05/2025 18:09

YABU - at 20 she has a right to make her room in her dad's home as she likes. It sounds like you have some other issues with the poor girl. Are you jealous of her relationship with her dad?

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 28/05/2025 18:09

Leave it.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/05/2025 18:09

It might also be worth considering that the fact she is personalising her room is a good sign that she feels she is settling in, and is ‘at home’, @Eriani.

queenrollo · 28/05/2025 18:07

I’m nearly 50 and you have basically described a wall in my art/craft room. My bedroom was like that in my teens and twenties.
It’s not at all childish.

EleanorReally · 28/05/2025 18:06

yeesh · 28/05/2025 17:51

why are you so controlling?

i agree, she is studying - leave her to get on with her own style

WhatNoRaisins · 28/05/2025 18:06

Do you really think any good will come from you challenging her on this?

Cheesenotcheesecake · 28/05/2025 18:05

YAB massively U

IveGotAnUnusuallyLargePelvisISwear · 28/05/2025 18:04

Just don’t go in her room. She’s 20, she can hoover her own room and change her own bedding. And no she’s not childish 🙄

MyUmberSeal · 28/05/2025 18:03

How is it an eye sore if it’s her room, I assume not many other people are going in it. I think she sounds pretty kooky an cool. Leave her be.

TwentyKittens · 28/05/2025 18:03

YABVU. She's happy with her room so leave her to it.

Why not learn their language so you can join in their conversations?

FutureCatMum · 28/05/2025 18:03

She’s wanting to personalise her room, what’s wrong with that? You don’t need to like it or approve of her taste, that’s for her to decide.
Stop nitpicking or she’ll resent you.
Also did you never put posters up on your bedroom wall? Mine was covered when I was younger.

ProtectTransRights · 28/05/2025 18:02

Her room her choice. Just don't go in there if it bothers you so much

waterrat · 28/05/2025 18:02

God this is a sad post. She is a young adult just enjoying her room. That's how I decorated my rooms in my teens/early 20s.

Digdongdoo · 28/05/2025 18:01

Stop going in there if you don't like looking at it. Her room, her choice.

DorothyStorm · 28/05/2025 18:01

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/05/2025 17:59

I think her style sounds interesting and eclectic, @Eriani - but you don’t agree, which is fair enough - you have every right to your opinion, but you don’t have the right to impose your opinion on what she does in her room. As @MaryTheTurtle says, close the door, and move on.

This really is not the hill to die on.

I agree.

Whatifitallgoesright · 28/05/2025 18:01

Sticking ideas and insprirations and quotes and drawings up on a wall is something creative people do. It helps to see things on a wall, it might be how she plans things out. It's her space. You're not showing the house to prospective buyers are you. Leave her alone and let her do her thing as long as she keeps it relatively clean and it doesn't smell in there. You might like the rest of the house greige and minimalist. She clearly doesn't.

Ellie1015 · 28/05/2025 18:01

Yabu. The room needs decorating anyway. Leave her be. I would be glad she was making it her own.

minnienono · 28/05/2025 18:00

Completely normal for a 20 year old. What’s the problem. How about you learning their language?

MorrisonsPlatter · 28/05/2025 18:00

YABVU

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/05/2025 17:59

I think her style sounds interesting and eclectic, @Eriani - but you don’t agree, which is fair enough - you have every right to your opinion, but you don’t have the right to impose your opinion on what she does in her room. As @MaryTheTurtle says, close the door, and move on.

This really is not the hill to die on.