To hate DSD sticking stuff to her walls

If I moved abroad I absolutely wouldn't speak anything but English at home to my family. Have you ever lived abroad before? Having to speak in another language all the time is stressful and speaking your own language brings its own kind of comfort. How dare you expect her to constantly work in another language so you can listen to her conversation which you aren't even a part of.

Same with going in her room. It's not nice. It's rude. Stay out, she probably doesn't want to tell you to stop coming in, give her some privacy. Don't translate and question the paper on the walls. Poor girl. Just leave her alone.

It sounds fine, I can't understand why it bothers you.

I went through a phase of existentialism in my twenties. Lots of thoughtful people do. Your stepdaughter is clearly cleverer than you, and you don't like that.

You are the problem here, not her.

Not a hill to die on.
You can always redecorate once she's over this phase.
DH was never allowed to stick stuff on his walls. He's still annoyed about it 🤣.

This really isn't about her walks at all. Because that's ridiculous . Something else is clearly bothering you about your relationship with her.

It’s not your bedroom so just simply back off. Frankly I don’t think you should even be changing the bedding unsolicited, it kinda sounds like you just go in to have a little snoop.

Not everyone likes/wants carpets. I personally had never seen them since the 80s, they’re seen as old fashioned and really outdated in my country (plus a pain to keep clean).

Unless her decorations ruin something you want to preserve (but it doesn’t sound like you do), then just ignore it.

YANBU. Why should she adhere to what you consider is right. She is entitled to be herself she has the room how she likes it

just leave her be

Well I don't blame her. Your dislike for her is so obvious even in writing that she has surely picked up on it and avoids talking to you.

Her room sounds fine and not an issue to get worked up over.

Always speaking together in a language you don’t understand and thus excluding you from conversation however is rude. You need to speak to your DH about this and establish some agreement around when it is appropriate to be speaking in their native language and when effort should be made to use the language you all share.

She sounds a lot cleverer and thoughtful than you OP, maybe you resent that?

She is excluding you and making you feel uncomfortable in your own house. She wouldn’t like it if you were having conversations around her that she couldn’t understand

Is your house mainly grey velvet and silver fittings, OP?

First of all, just don’t go into her room if it bothers you. Second of all, your DSD sounds great, I love it when someone’s space is a little slice of them rather than a picture from a magazine. Those quotes are all from books/poetry I think, I’m sure the first one is Rilke and the last is Camus. Google says the second is Marguerite Duras so she’s incredibly well read for her age!

You what?

Poor girl. She sounds creative and individual. Good for her.

I had a fabulous wall in my bedroom when I shared a house in my twenties. Covered with magazine tear outs from The Face and various Sunday supplements. You sound incredibly dull and controlling.

But mainly, I think, you are insecure and resent your SD?

Mm, I don’t think I’d put myself out to engage with you either, if I were in her shoes!

You’ll fall out with her if you change it but give her more storage and get her to do a big declutter

Cop yourself on.

I thought you were going to say you'd just redecorated and she'd ruined the walls. I'd've been furious in your position and very sympathetic were that the case. (However, in that case, I'd let my kids do it if they put all that creativity on big boards or sheets of paper 🤣)

Shut the door, don't look, and mind your own! Eyesore? Team DSD.

OP, you're being weird. It's her room, her business. Live and let live.

Dear god. Your poor not so DSD.

and also

Also my kids have recently had their rooms redone so I would never let them do this

Your poor children.

And also - what?

I also think it’s quite childish for someone in their 20s.

You are the issue here, OP. Let your children and your SD live how they want to.

Just close the door. You sound very controlling. It's important for kids to have their own space as they like it.

Stay out of her room! That’s her private space. You don’t need to hoover it or change the bed linen. I would hate to be a young woman forced to live with somebody so judgemental and interfering who keeps coming into my room ‘to be nice’. Let’s be honest, you’re not doing it to be nice, you are doing it to be territorial. No wonder she has such gloomy quotes on the wall and resists communicating with you.

My daughter has a wall like this. Covered in quotes from her favourite books, song lyrics and, random notes of tv shows she wants to see. I love that she feels able to do this and, it gives me a snapshot into her individuality. I’d let her do her thing. Didn’t we all have posters on our walls as young adults?

I actually do this.

i’m 49 and it’s my house.