To hate DSD sticking stuff to her walls

How many years have you been married?

You said you became fluent in German in a year. Why haven't you applied yourself over the years you've been married to learn your husband's language?

You expect your husband and his daughter to switch their normal language of communication because you haven't been bothered to learn their language. That's controlling. So is you bitching about how she has done her room.

How does your husband feel about you bitching about his daughter's room and what language they speak in to each other?

Would you prefer “live laugh love”? “Dance like nobody’s watching” instead?

Seconded.

I want that and I'm nearly 60!

I thought this too. I feel like the speaking in her own language and keeping herself to herself is perhaps mirroring the treatment she gets herself. OP asked her about the quotes and stuff and why she needs them - that comes across as judgy to her face.

Yabvu she is v low maintenance and you are being silly. Let her be.

YABVU. DSD's bedroom sounds totally normal for a student, you are letting your discomfort with your relationship with your DSD colour your feelings about how she chooses to decorate her bedroom. Let her get on with it and focus on improving your relationship with her, rather than "improving" her decor.

As someone who did this to their 9 year olds bedroom wall just yesterday with a disgustingly sticky Temu sticker.....yabu. Although my OH is firmly in your court!

Being fluent in multiple languages is quite common in many parts of Europe.

I think YABVU about your step-daughter's room. She's an adult living in a tiny room in someone else's house. She is trying to make it home and to make herself feel better about living there. Do you not remember being young and needing to see the things that mattered to you, whether it's award certificates, posters, photographs or meaningful quotes? Many adults still do things like this, albeit they may put things in frames or use notice boards or keep quotes/post its in a notebook or album - probably because they feel forced into being 'grown up' about it.

What does it matter that the room looks tatty to you? The wallpaper/paint is old, so it's not like she's causing damage or making more work for you. Leave her to it and try to make her feel more welcome.

Yeah, she could be trying to be an influencer on Instagram or Tiktok! That would be so much better.

yabu

She’s 20 years old fgs not a child. And scrappy posters and post it notes stuck to walls is awful. There are lots of different ways to express yourself than sticking crap to the walls.

You clearly resent his daughter. Look to yourself, not her.

Your poor husband and his daughter.

I would feel honoured she was prepared to move in with her father his new family for her Uni stretch despite your judgemental attitude.

Your thread title uses the word Hate and you ask if you are being unreasonable to Hate her sticking things to old wallpaper. Your husband has told you to back off but you seem to want to break his newly rekindled relationship with his daughter.

What a waste of the opportunity to gradually bring her into the wider family and introducing ‘your’ children to more languages and culture; are the children only yours not your husband’s too?.

Sometimes I read posts on mumsnet and think… who has such a problem free life that they have to create ones out of absolutely fuck all… congratulations op, you’re one.

It's virtually impossible to translate quotes / poems from other languages. You can translate the basic words but lose so much in meaning.

Wow. Why on earth are you so opposed to your DSD decorating her room as she wishes? It sounds like the rooms of many uni students. And it doesn't affect you in the slightest.

You said you wouldn't allow your own children to do the same (put stuff on the walls of their rooms). Presumably they are much younger. If they are also in their 20s, I would think you were being both precious and controlling. As long as the walls aren't being damaged, what's the problem?

As for the language issue, it would probably feel uncomfortable and wrong to your DSD to suddenly begin speaking English to her dad. When you establish a relationship with someone in one language (especially a parent or someone else you are close to), it is difficult and inhibiting to switch to another language.

This is the biggest non-issue in the whole history of non-issues..!
And you don't even have to see it- just get her to do her own hoovering,sorted.
She sounds very low maintenance

If she likes sticking stuff on walls, isn't it good she didn't want to redecorate?

Oh come on OP, Naples is a very chaotic artsy city! A lit student from Naples having a scrapbook wall is not at all surprising, she’s probably trying to feel more homely!!

Leave her to it.

Just don't go in there. It sounds like you're being a bit controlling in that you want it redecorated then nothing put up on the walls, when sticking posters on old wallpaper you want to replace anyway is surely no issue.

YABU. It’s not satanic scriptures, the room is old and tired so I assume you don’t care about the ‘damage’ the tape is causing etc. Just because something isn’t your style, doesn’t mean it needs to be labelled childish, some people are just ‘artsy’ and this just reminded me of scrapbooking of sorts, just on a wall. Like PPs have said, leave her be, close the door, mind your own.

@Eriani with that in mind can’t you see why she would want to chat with him in French?