My children’s unequal futures

It's always best to divide assets equally between DC. If one DC wishes to offer extra to a sibling that is their choice. No one can see into the future.

There is a lot of presumptions about what is going to happen,

Leave everything equal and stop giving away your daughter’s inheritance.

What you think is going to happen is not in reality what will happen

Disinheriting yourself (and by extension your DC) isn’t the smartest move is it? Yes your DC will need money in the future and no, your DDs future is far from secure just because she’s marrying into money. I can’t believe what I’m reading on here sometimes.

yabu treat your kids equally

um...because presumably the son in law will only inherit when both his parents die (at what sounds like a comparatively young age), so OP would have to be a bit cold-hearted to jump for joy at that prospect!

OP isn't saying it's a pity her daughter will be rich at all, she's saying the circumstances surrounding it (early death) are unfortunate.

If you want your DS to inherit then you should encourage your DD to inherit the same. Her marrying into money doesn’t mean anything. You only have to read the countless threads on here of women who are married to high flying men and they don’t have a pot to piss in themselves because their husband controls it all.

You don’t know what your daughter’s life will be like when she marries this man. You’re making an awful lot of presumptions. FWIW I married into money and MIL has done her best to block any access I would ever have to it. Iron clad wills in place too. She loved me before we married.

because you said you told her to leave it to DB and not include you!
obviously there wouldn't be a rift if she's following what you told her to do
that's completely different to you making a decision about your dd on her behalf without her getting any input
perhaps having her own money will make her feel like a more equal participant in the marriage or just a safety net in case she ever had to leave
if she didn't want it she could always give it to her brother, but it should be her choice, not one you make on her behalf.

Life isn't fair, by trying to make it so for your dc by prioritising one over another, you're just opening a can of worms. What if your dd can't have kids and your ds's partner can, how do you make that fair? It already sounds like any kids they do have won't know their dgp on your son-in-law's side whereas your DS's kids might have 2 sets of loving grandparents - money can't make up for that.

Please do not have this 'conversation' with your dc! it is not wise is ill advised. Can you not see or hear how you come across - Grabby, resentful, and calculating.. They will never look at you the same way again, you, THEIR mother. All this is based on who your DD is dating and how much money you've calculated as coming to your DD through him. They're not engaged! What does 'almost engaged' even mean? It's either he has proposed to her or he hasn't; how would you know?

But even if they were married, I've never agreed with splitting inheritances based on what each dc has achieved. People have long lost sight of what it means -Its their Grandmother's last gift to them. Regardless of what each dc has achieved, always split it equally!

What if your DS retrains later in life and gets into a great career? What if he breaks up with his partner and starts dating someone else after you've willed him everything, or hits the jackpot on his own. You're spending all this time trying to second guess your dc futures. The truth is you have no idea how their lives will pan out, and you seem completely ignorant of what an awful chain of resentment you are setting your dc up for that will run through generations. Don't do it!

why only your brother instead of your parents give each of you 1/3 part of the house?

erm..what about you? Nursing homes are £1800 a week, Honestly, you might need it. YOur children can inherit from you. Make the most of tax free amount

I know of plenty of cases where there are disparities due to different partnerships and life choices. Everything gets divided equally regardless.

You seem to be very directive to your mother about what she should do. Just support her to do what she wants to do without influence.

I think an even split seems the most reasonable. My parents didn’t inherit squat but did well for themselves. Us kids did well and my siblings have more however they have chosen not to go down the family road. I have. Because of my life choices, I’ll have extra expenses the rest of my life compared to my siblings because of my DC.

I’m grateful to get anything and as I understand, my parents will leave it all equally to us. I don’t need it, through working my whole life and DH also working hard, we have what we need anyway with no leg up from anyone.

I have two children, both grown up. One went to a Russell Group university and is married, with a stellar career. The other has a learning disability and mental health issues which means they need 24/7 care. My will leaves them each 50% of whatever assets I leave when I'm done. I value them both.

I have 4 DC all adults and they will have different socio economic statuses some much more well off than others. We plan to leave our estate equally between them. It’s the only thing to do then they can decide what to do with it there’s already talk about 2 buying out the others in order to keep the house in the family as we’re rather close to a beach!

In a relationship as financially unequal as your DD's, I imagine it would make a huge difference to your DD to have some money of her own.

I think you are really underestimating how hurtful it would be for your DD to be forgotten by her grandmother, while her brother receives a significant bequest. I think your plan is a very bad one and ill thought through.

You absolutely have to treat your kids equally, regardless of how much more one may have. To not inherit anything whilst her brother did will be perceived as rejection by your DD and that you prefer your DS to her. It’s not your DDs fault that she is currently in a more financially stable situation than your DS. Treating them differently will cause a massive rift and possibly impact family relationships forever

Not fair to attach all this guilt and expectation on your mum.
Your child is your responsibility. If you really think it's fair for her to leave everything to your brother, that's fine, but don't expect her to look after your son.

And being unequal with inheritance always seems to create issues in some way.

your children, now adults, have each made choices
stop interfering.

My grandad was always looking forward to a big inheritance, the person he was due to inherit from outlived him though. Anything could happen.

Oh no don't get involved, everything changes. What you predict never quite comes true anyhow. I married well but then through no fault of my DHs he got very ill and I'm now caring for him. It wasn't the life either of us imagined.

I suggest an equal split. It’s the least likely to cause any upset

Children should all be treated equally

Hi @Fetafettish - just a slightly different perspective.

I am your brother/son in this scenario.

Of several siblings I am the one who doesn’t earn much, doesn’t have much and never will whereas they’re all quite well off. My parents are leaving their money evenly split (although we all encourage them to spend it enjoying life and/or get the best care should they ever need it and we can’t provide it).

I would be VERY upset to be the sole or majority recipient. I wouldn’t want that and that would leave me with a lot of bad feelings even if my siblings had all agreed, it would give me mental struggles and I wouldn’t accept the money.

Please don’t ask your mum to choose grandchildren. Treat them all equally for all their sakes.

I think inheritances should be split evenly irrespective of personal circumstances, disability excepted.