My children’s unequal futures

I'm so glad I have little to leave!

You never know what the future holds.
She should equally divide between her children, one of which is yourself. Then you can help your own children if you don’t need the money yourself.

Get her to leave money to you then you make the judgment when they are older no one knows what might happen

It’s interesting how people see things differently - I would be delighted one of my children will have financial security why want them both to have that insecurity of low income,

Why are you telling your mum what to do with her money? Just live your live as if there isn’t any inheritance, it’s none of your business

I would ask her to leave half to you and half to your brother. You can then decide how to divide this between your children. Maybe give your son his half straight away and keep your daughters for her for a rainy day? Hopefully she won't hold a grudge bearing in mind she is currently in a fortunate position. Don't put your mum in a position of having to choose between her kids and grandkids. You should take on that responsibility.

In large people prefer to have choices rather than they be taken away. Even if one persons views are that money doesn’t equate love, you could alter that very core belief by your suggestions to your mother. Even the best well meaning intentions often don’t translate to that as things filter down through time.

Careers are not that predictable. You don't realistically know how their earning power will pan out over time. Either or both could change path, or discover new avenues that exponentially change things. With the advent of AI, in the medium-term very few people will be working in roles that we know now. You can no more predict this than you can predict how your daughter's marriage will fare.

Treat them equally and encourage them to support and resepct each pother. That way, if either one ends up at a substantial advantage in future, they may well help the other out voluntarily. I would absolutely want to do that for either of my siblings if I could, but an unequal will from my parents would really hurt.

I live in a family, like this. I am only child - My parents are minted but started off my life as homeless and pregnant at the age of 20. My partner stood by me through all of it and he wasn't a millionaire. Money cannot buy you class, morals, love, or time. I say this as someone who is also now well-off. I have been on both sides.

If your son and his partner love one another deeply, respect one another, and live as equals - He will be just fine. Being rich really doesn't make you mentally happy; just materialistically happy. Again, I am now a high-flying career woman with 2x degrees, 3 kids, 3 dogs, my own house I needed help to get because I bought it off the council, but it's mine and I don't have to say thank you to anyone. Everything I have, I have earned - Therefor, I value it much more than anything I would have had handed to me.

I’m with you Op - you are sensible and considering options to get the best possible outcome for your family … it’s wise to plan ahead and support each others decisions - some people just look at everything from a negative view point - probably based on their own family circumstances so just can’t see how your family dynamics work - you will do the right thing for your family as you know them best … open honest communication is all it takes - so trust yourself and good luck

Something has really triggered you. I don’t see any reason why are you so rude and overconfident in your analysis of someone you don’t know at all.

I think your mum.should divide her estate equally between her two children. If you then decide to help your brother you can

I think it's all got to be equal. Mumsnet is full of stories of people feeling resentful about unequal inheritances and as everyone is saying, nobody knows what the future may hold!

Hi op,

You can’t know what will happen…

Also, and it is a biggie…it has nothing to do with fate…it is THEIR choice. Literally. So, I am not quite sure how you can contemplate being openly unhappy about their future spouse financial situations :/

I seriously hope you reconsider your feelings and put them in check before they go and break relationships and will not be repaired when gc might be around.

Wish them well. Keep your door open if they need. Only compliment them.

What is he dumps her? Or makes her sign a pre nuptial or they never get married? I think u are heading down a slippery slope.

My parents left their estate equally to me and my brother. Thank goodness. Because I would have been furious and hurt if they had not done this. It would certainly have affected my relationship with my sibling.

I have 3 children eldest DS has worked hard through school saved and saved and done well with career etc. Middle child DD messed about at school, gotvin trouble failed her exams had a baby at 21 and got handed a council house, youngest DS like his brother has worked hard working a part time job while doing exams and on course for good job prospects etc.
Under no circumstances would I give my DD a bigger handout than the boys they will all get equal shares as they are equal in my eyes. The lives they picked are what they have chosen for themselves This was a discussion my DD tried to push a year ago saying she was poor in relation to the boys so should get a larger inheritance. My husband and I both very firmly told her that was because of her choices, she still fritters her money on tattoos and beauty treatments were as the boys are thrifty. So her choices will not affect her brothers.

it seems to have highlighted a lot of bitterness and resentment so I won’t be commenting again..

Mission accomplished, you got the reaction you were aiming for. It’s obvious the post was designed to provoke resentment, not genuine discussion. Stepping back now is probably for the best, for everyone.

You wouldn't dream of telling the internet someone's profession, but you've got no issue telling everyone that your daughter is about to marry money and your sons partner doesn't earn enough money and what your mum is doing with her will and her money and how much better you are than everyone because you don't equate money with love but can clearly see who deserves it more?

But your brothers type of work, oh no that's too far.

😂😂😂

I’d never put a sibling’s interests above my kids', and I’d never interfere in my parents’ finances, it's presumptuous. You are crossing both those lines.

Anyway, finally, I see what's really going on here now. Hats off OP, you had us going for a while!

I usually pride myself on a top-notch nonsense detector, but I walked right into this one.

Have fun @Fetafettish there's nowt so queer as folk 😉

I'd advise your mum to split it evenly among you, DB, DD, and DS. Then you can give your share to DS if you wish.

(As an aside, if your DD's fiancé hasn't already broached the subject of a prenup, I'd not be holding my breath until he does. It would be extremely foolish for him to marry and expose himself and his business to the financial risk arising from divorce. Make sure your DD has her own independent legal advice if a prenup is suggested.)

It’s not even your money you’re trying to control. But what makes it worse is the hypocrisy, you say money doesn’t matter to you, yet you're the one making judgments about who deserves it. You can’t act above it all while trying to control where it goes.

Got it in one, @ConnieOrBonnie

When you try and control things, OP, there can be unintended consequences.

What if your future SIL is pissed if that you are de-prioritising your Dd in favour of your brother and your Ds because you are expecting him to use his money to support your Dd?

I chose a low paying career that I love, my brother is much wealthier. I would be irritated and upset if family started meddling with the ‘natural order’ which is that parents treat their kids equally.

Leave your Mum to make her own decisions about her legacy, stop making assumptions about your SIL to be and basing decisions on things which are not your business to interfere in or presume on (his parents’ money)

However, you seem hell bent.