My children’s unequal futures

I think your mum should split her estate equally between you and your brother. Then you can decide what you want to do with your share .

A slightly similar situation happened to some relatives of mine. Essentially, a person said they didn’t need to be left any money as they had enough and so it was all left to other siblings. The person then lost all their money and had nothing.

I think your mum should split her money 50:50 between you and your brother then you can decide what to do with it. I also agree with other posters you should give the same to your daughter that you give to your son.

Tbh your mom I think should share her estate evenly and fairly. None of us know what is round the corner and it doesn’t do to act like god with judgement. I had the same with my mum. I was relatively hard up compared to my brother but she had two children and she shared her estate. ( and gave legacies to grandchildren) I am in the same boat but will share my largesse equally between my two. It’s only fair. As far as anything is fair.

I think equal split is the only fair option. Why should someone be punished for making good choices. It is massively unfair for your daughter to miss out.

I do think this comes down to deep rooted stereotypes , if your daughter and sons positions were swapped I doubt you’d be as concerned for your daughter as you appear to be for your son. Your son sounds like he can and will forge a perfectly good income and life for himself gifting him and not your daughter will only draw attention to his perceived failure in your eyes

Unfortunately when people leave money unequally, it always looks like they loved one person
more than another and it can cause rifts that do not heal. If you don't want your half then ask your mum to leave your share equally to each of your children. What she does is up to her but don't encouage her to leave your daughter out just because her boyfriend (NOT her husband) might inherit money.

Jesus, anything could happen to your daughter's engagement. He could ringfence the money for a start.

Children should be treated fairly or it causes rifts. You have no idea what the future holds.

You should talk to them together about this - it may well be, that your dd is receptive to the idea of dividing inheritance unequal to help her brother out.

I’m in a somewhat similar situation, I have a high paying job in the City and my sister is a teacher. Regardless of our wealth, my parents (divorced) are both leaving us equal shares in their wills (even though I don’t need it). They said they have always treated us and loved us equally in life and that won’t change in death.

Summary: don’t interfere, multi-million pound businesses can go bust, etc.

Nobody has a crystal ball. As several pp have suggested best thing is she splits it equally between uou and your brother, any arbitrary proportioning of anything is a highway to he'll...often siblings' partners, I.e. of the deceassed's children are the ones who want to fight/ contest a will....even stevens everytime

you say ‘money doesn’t resemble love’. Yes, ideally. But if money is not given equally to children it can feel as though one is loved less and one loved more. It can also feel as if kids are being punished for success or good fortune. This isn’t always the case but it often is. And then the relationship between the siblings is wrecked, by the parent. My brother is an absolute twat to our family - doesn’t see my mum, me, or his own kids. He’ll still get half the money. I don’t mind that as it’ll go to my lovely niece and nephew eventually. But I would certainly mind if he was given more than me because he’s less successful.

OP, apologies, I am not being mean here - but it looks to me you are somewhat jealous of what you perceive as your daughter's lucky cards.
You are trying to punish her, perhaps even uncounciasly.
As many have said - there is absolutely zero certainty she will see any of that boyfriend's inheritance money.

I would say that if your DM leaves some money in her will to your DS perhaps she could leave a piece of jewellery or a painting or such to your DD so that she feels acknowledge.

My Grandad, retired and then decided to spend all his money before he died (after his wife died of Parkinson's). This is going back a bit, but he went on the Orient Express and on Concorde and took my mum on some of it. He lived in a council house and died with about 3k left in his account. I don't think my mum was bitter and we grandkids got his VCR when he died and as it was the early 80's we thought we were rich beyond our wildest dreams being able to record Top of the Pops. I realise this is no help whatsoever, but I've never had anything given to me and had to graft for everything. It makes you a better person to live within your earned means.

My grandfather gave my parents the money towards a house, in London. They never had a mortgage As he thought he’d done enough for my father, he left everything in trust to me and my brother.

This caused nearly 20 years of resentment in my father, who felt slighted by his father. Eventually, my brother and I agreed to break the trust and split what was in it three ways.

I would always advise anyone to leave their assets equally among their children. Otherwise, it risks setting up a lifetime of resentment!

But there’s no guarantee the daughter will have financial security - this is all assuming that her boyfriend inherits a lot and that he will actually share it and not insist on a prenup, for example, even if they do stay together.

Your post reeks of sexism. Your daughter isn’t even married to the potential multimillionaire as yet. My sister will always be better off than me and I would be upset if my parents decided to give me more of the inheritance. It should be split equally, regardless.

This. It would be absolutely insane to effectively disinherit your daughter because she might marry a man who might inherit a lot of money. Insane.

Trying to equalise people’s circumstances via inheritance is never going to work. Some people are born more intelligent/ beautiful than their siblings. Some marry money. Some people fritter their chances. People are responsible for their own life choices and there are sadly no guarantees. The fairest thing to do in my opinion is share everything equally between siblings; it can cause family rifts if you don’t. If you want to direct your share equally towards your offspring you could do that.

We're still waiting for DH to inherit the empire over twenty years later whilst I've lost both my parents. You can't predict what will happen for your kids. However, inheritance needs to be equal and not based on what you think their futures might be.

I agree with this.
Lives can change, dramatically. There really are no guarantees.

It’s not them that need the sense to see what is right or wrong about all this!

Just split it 50/50 between both her children. Then the children can choose how they want to give to their children.
Anything else will just cause a rift.
My mum and dad were 50/50 with us and it ran like clockwork.
Doesnt matter if one kids is better off. It's the principle behind it.

You are totally out of order in my opinion. My dh’s family always excluded him because we were better off than his two sisters. Dh really resented it and felt they had always had an easier ride than him.

You should treat your children the same, it’s not dd’s fault she has chosen someone with better prospects, your ds has had the same options, you cannot technically exclude your dd from your mums will to ‘even’ things up. They are adults now, let them get on with life on an equal footing, not manipulated by you!