My children’s unequal futures

To some extent OP it's a choice your DS is making to commit to a partner who is on minimum wage with low aspiration to earn more.

Im not saying he should be gold digging but most people look for a life partner with similar lifestyle ambition to themselves, so if they hope to one day be financially secure they will be looking to progress a decent career themselves, and attracted to a partner who is looking to progress in a career.

Could your son be doing a bit more to develop more of a career? Does he have to settle for a GF with low aspiration?

Let your mum decide. I don't think it is fair to give yohr daughter less though.
If she is a good person she will help her sibling some way anyway.

Very optimistic to assume one child is sorted because they are engaged to someone who will inherit wealth! They might break up before they get married, they might get divorced, something could happen to her fiancé.

Equal splits at both levels IMO

Except in cases where one sibling has major additional needs and can’t live independently, you can never know for sure who will need the money more in future.

Bear in mind that if you speak to her your daughter may feel like she is being expected to say no, she doesn’t mind.

When my mum asked me if I minded not being left a share of the family home, I told her yes, I do mind. This led to me being called greedy, just because I have a mortgage for a terrace with 22 years still on it.

So your DS has some kind of disability which means he can’t make a way for himself in the world?

Because frankly if he will never be able to afford to get on the housing ladder that’s on him.

Some people have money through luck. But most people have it through design and the work they themselves put into it.

If he’s capable of going to uni, getting a job, marrying. Partner then he can make his own way in the world.

Sick of this expectation that parents should be supporting their children through life into adulthood. He’s an adult, he’s responsible for himself.

But hey drive a wedge between your children by leading them to believe that everything you believe in is all about money.

Naivety at its best. Was there ever an uneven will that didn’t cause endless hassle and upset? Speaking from experience, I think the best is always to split inheritances equally. If you want to help your brother out then, that’s up to you.

Your children are in their 20s. Who know how things will pan out for them? DS and his partner might retrain, they might start a successful business, he might meet someone else, it's really early days to be assuming he won't be able to buy without help.
And really gran should leave her £ to her children equally. You can choose at the point you actually get it to give it to your brother or to your children if you feel that is the right thing to do.

Split it equally between you and your brother.
When the time comes you can sign a Deed of Variation to pass (some of) the money to your brother, DS, or DD depending on the then situation.

Your son has chosen to make a life with someone who doesn’t earn much, why are you punishing your daughter for his decision? You are relying on your daughter accessing another families money? She’s not even married to him ffs

OP please don't ask her to leave more to one child

If she leaves it equally and your daughter wants too without being asked or pressured she can offer your son some.

Anyone situation can change at any time and in my experience those with lots of money spend money on locking that money down.

Please don't do your daughter out.

Well if she wants to leave anything to her grandchildren then I think it should be even.

I can't see why she shouldn't leave it equally to you both, if she wants to do so. You're just as deserving. You could then help DS.

At some point in the future she will ask. And she’ll be told that you basically resented her on your son’s behalf because her partner inherited.

Talk to the children about it and get her to talk to them, so they understand what she is planning and can express their own feelings. If one of my kids ends up being far poorer than the others, I will talk it over with the three of them and make sure they all understand and agree, and I will give more money to the child who needs it more. So often money is seen as a symbol of love, and that is why different inheritances are so painful, but I think it is the wrong way to see it. Money is a useful thing that should be distributed as needed.

I would say to your mum she can do what she wants. .. and for you to leave your estate 50/50 .. your DD may need/want some money that is hers irrespective of her husband's money....if she doesn't she can give it all away... Don't decide people's lives for them ...

That’s life, things aren’t always equal or fair. Your DS could try and get a richer partner if he likes but sounds like he’s happy with his current partner.

is you mum a multimillionaire? If not it’s not going to even things out much anyway.

It can cause a rift in normal families. It probably won’t for your dd as she will likely be very well off.

My brother is inheriting the family home, even though we are none of us rich.

I have forgiven my mum but it has ruined my relationship with my brother and has left me and sisters feeling bitter, as we provide the bulk of care to my mum.

Why are you planning your daughter's future based on the inheritance that fiance hasn't even received? They could break up. They might not even end up getting married. Absolutely, anything could happen. It's your job as their mother to treat them fair and equally.

Yes, uneven inheritances have destroyed sibling relationships in the past. There are multiple threads on here about it.

Yes. Yes I do. She didn’t even finish college - 6 months before finishing - because she couldn’t be arsed. I’ve worked my damn arse off and no house deposits ever came my way.

Speak to your mum and explain the situation about DS and your worries for him. Then leave the rest to her.