My children’s unequal futures

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Maybe say if she'd like to help out, leaving some money to your DS or giving him some now, towards a deposit would hugely help out. And maybe to leave some tokens of love to your DD, such as jewellery or any item of furniture or art she has that DD has sentimental attachment to.

Why?

There's a similar earnings/ savings/ futures discrepancy between myself and my brother's and sister. Any inheritance left to me by grandparents or parents will be a drop in the ocean compared to what we already have and what we'll inherit from DHs side, where as it will make an enormous difference to 3 of my 4 siblings. Wouldn't bother me at all if I was left nothing and they got it.

I’d ask your mum to leave your share to your children equally. That way they both get a boost but there’s no resentment. It might be the difference your son needs to buy a home without causing problems with his sister!

Leave it equally.
You don't know what lies ahead.
Your multimillionaire dd can decide to pass on ££ if she does not need it.
But she might be divorced and penniless

The situation is she’s currently single.
There’s a lot that might change - they may marry, they may split up, he might die in a car crash next month, inheritance is never guaranteed or may be left in a way that isn’t easily accessible. I remember a case where man who had a second young child unbeknownst to his adult child, the adult child assumed he was inheriting the family farming business as ‘only’ child - he wasn’t it was to be sold and split between siblings.

Anything could happen. He might decide not to propose. He might decide not to go through with the wedding. Your DD might decide not to go through with the wedding.
If he's set to inherit that amount of money he might insist on a pre-nup.
They might get married and after a short time divorce and she might not come out of the divorce with a whole pile of money. He might die early on in the marriage and the will has been set up in such a way that the bulk of the money ends up going to other family members.
The "empire" might run in difficulties and end up bankrupt.

Just because her future looks rosy at the moment doesn't mean she is set up for life. I hope she does marry him and has a very happy marriage but unfortunately life doesn't always turn out like that.

I think you should treat both of your children equally in your will for now. If circumstance change over the years you can change your will at any point. For example, if she does end up inheriting millions from him in the event of his death, you could then change your will to leave it all to your son.
But for now, I'd keep them equal.

What your mother does is up to her.

I need to put the beer down, I thought you said unequal features.

Your DD could end up splitting from her partner. Everything should be equal or as your mum wishes.

You can’t dish out money based on the current situation. Things change. Families aren’t equal. Some siblings are lovely, some are not. Some help elderly parents and some do don’t. BUT it has to be split fairly. Your Mum should leave it 50 / 50 to you and your DB. And when you get to that stage, you should leave it 50/50 to your children.

If your DD is a squillionnaire and your DS is still in his uppers in 30 years time, have the conversation. But your DD could get done over in a prenup and your DS may have won the lottery. You just don’t know.

It's all pie in the sky, it's an inheritance that he might not end up with. Family could be millions in debt to the taxman for all you know. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow, leave it all to DS while your son-in-law runs off with the nanny. Or the million pound inheritance might be ringfenced for just your son-in-law. Folk with money often know how to keep it in the family.

Unless your DS has SEND or another reason why he can't be independent, then share it equally.

It might be worth your DS looking at what he can realistically save and career prospects and speaking to a mortgage advisor. I honestly thought I'd never be able to buy a place until I spoke to a mortgage broker and went through my options and I bought my first place in January

I don't think that's nasty or twisted. It is actually what you are doing. You are looking beyond your daughter to her soon-to-be fiancé for her financial future. Regardless of your DS's situation, surely you see how wrong that is? You are making her dependent on him. She won't have any of the financial freedom from her boyfriend that you'd be affording your son. Add to that that you want to actually take from her to give to your DS - I'm struggling to see how you think that can be in any way right? How can you do that to her?

Do you know every in and out of your daughter's relationship? Do you know every detail of how it will pan out over the course of her life, or how dependent any children she may have will be on her for the rest of her life? Do you know every detail of how your son's life or his girlfriend's life will pan out? Do you know when your mum will pass on and how much she will leave behind? Do you know what the future holds for your brother or you? Do you know every detail of your brother's financial set-up?

This is all about your anxieties for your son's financial future and really not much else. You have absolutely no right going about meddling in third parties' financial affairs in a misguided belief that you'll be doing right by your son (and only your son). I'm actually really cross on your daughter's behalf. How can you do this to her?

Always split evenly (except if one child has a severe disability). Anything else risks resentment and arguments.

my sister and I both “married well” and have no mortgage. Our brother has no fixed job and has a much smaller house, but that is his choice of how to live and pursue a high risk career that might pay off one day. My parents have always said everything will be split equally.

This is my thought. Ultimately both of your children have made life choices that are currently leading to different financial outcomes. These are their choices. Anything can change in the future regarding sepearation/divirce/new partners/change of job/health. Interfering now financially could just cause further issues down the line. From a purely emotive perspective a Will can inspire strong feelings with money seen as representing feelings - one sibling loved more etc. you could cause long term damage to their relationship and their thoughts of you and their grandma.

Please don’t do this. I was your DD then I got sick. You don’t know what life will throw at you and equal is the fairest.

You are overthinking this and being controlling.

Leave it 100% up to your mother but the only sensible way to share any inheritance from your DM is 50/50 and then pass it on 50/50 later on.

Unless you want your dc to hate each other.

Arg, this is soooo naive and a completely meddling. Awful.

I don’t believe inheritance should be means tested.

I also don’t think I’d give much mind to the kind of financial equality you’re talking about.

I would want my children to be housed, happy and healthy - what that looks like, I don’t care.

If your son is happy with his life with a low earning partner in a council house; and your daughter ends up inheriting a mansion with hers - as long as they’re both satisfied that’s all that matters IMO.

My dsis has married money I haven’t but I don’t begrudge her a penny and am happy with my lot! I would not expect more money to be left me than her just because her dh has more money ! She could still spend a legacy in any way she saw fit as would I . We all have to work for things in life I think you should put your energy into being there for them and proud of their achievements as individuals regardless of finances. Money is not everything .

The way I always view it is... you don't know else the future holds. Your DD may not get married, her future husband could lose the business, they could end up on the bones of their arse.
On the other hand your DS could win the euro millions....
It should be split evenly IMO.

No, bad, bad idea. 50/50 you and your brother if this is what your mother also wants. You are being completely presumptuous and dare I say sexist. Your dd's partner's money is not hers and she deserves her "own" money and you should not rely on potential money that may come her way via her FIL and Dh to be.

I truly hope you haven't already influenced your mother. You cannot predict how your dc's lives will pan out and who will stay will whom longterm.

Stay out of it but if asked, accept your 50% share and pass this on as and when 50/50 to your dc. Everything else is delulu.

id be extremely pissed off if my brother got something and i didnt based on me having a rich partner

I’d either share between you and your brother equally or by pass you and go straight to your kids. Your dd could split with her partner and end up in a less stable position.
my dds are in a similar position but I wouldn’t dream of not being equal with them.

Well because you already want some it for your own kids.