Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP friends wife, AIBU?

113 replies

MooreMooreMoore · 28/05/2025 13:24

DP has a big group of former colleagues and their partners who regularly meet up. They are all really nice, one woman insists on prefixing my name with ‘young’ eg. Can you pass the wine to ‘young Emma’. I am the only Emma, so she’s not differentiating between old and young Emma.
We are all within a 4 year age range, I’m the same age as half the group including her husband, we all have comparable education and success levels.
I need a nice retort to put a stop to it, but something that won’t highlight me as the problem, but it’s annoying me, she’s ever so nice, but it still feels I dunno belittling.
AIBU? Is it me? Would this annoy you?

OP posts:
Original poster
MooreMooreMoore · 28/05/2025 14:05

outerspacepotato · 28/05/2025 14:02

Call her by a different wrong name every time you see her.

This is genius 😂 mean girl names.

OP posts:
Original poster
MooreMooreMoore · 28/05/2025 14:03

Hadalifeonce · 28/05/2025 14:01

Perhaps when there is a lull in conversation, you could ask her why she insists on call you young Emma, as you find it a bit weird?

I’ll have to take a pin to drop after I’ve said it 😂

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 28/05/2025 14:02

Call her by a different wrong name every time you see her.

657904I · 28/05/2025 14:02

Honestly I would ignore her. You know she’s probably doing this as some sort of power/control thing as you’re on the periphery of the group.

So I think, just don’t engage with it at all. I think she’s wanting some sort of reaction from you, that she can use against you.

the next time she calls you “young Emma” just be like omg thank you so much and act as if she’s saying you look good for your age

Hadalifeonce · 28/05/2025 14:01

Perhaps when there is a lull in conversation, you could ask her why she insists on call you young Emma, as you find it a bit weird?

Original poster
MooreMooreMoore · 28/05/2025 14:00

Spirallingdownwards · 28/05/2025 13:56

In that case maybe embrace the "young" label and play on it. When I was born x was number one. What was number one when you were born or was it before they started doing charts?

This really tickled me 😂

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 28/05/2025 14:00

She would be Old whateverhernameis at the next party

Original poster
MooreMooreMoore · 28/05/2025 14:00

Rewis · 28/05/2025 13:58

How often does this happen? Once during dinner or like 10 times?

I’d guess 3 -4 times per dinner.

OP posts:
Original poster
MooreMooreMoore · 28/05/2025 13:59

GrumpyInsomniac · 28/05/2025 13:43

Either she’s trying to be funny and it’s not landing, or she’s trying to make some kind of point with this behaviour, some kind of power dynamic to put you in your place. In which case she’s relying on you being too polite in order to achieve her aim.

I think your default reaction is the right one. Is there anyone else in the group you’re closer to who could give you some background on why she’s behaving like this?

Show quote history

Yes you’ve put into words exactly how it feels!
I’m not really close to the group, more on the periphery, I’m not in contact with anyone outside of the dinner parties.

OP posts:
Rewis · 28/05/2025 13:58

How often does this happen? Once during dinner or like 10 times?

Spirallingdownwards · 28/05/2025 13:56

In that case maybe embrace the "young" label and play on it. When I was born x was number one. What was number one when you were born or was it before they started doing charts?

Original poster
MooreMooreMoore · 28/05/2025 13:56

RealEagle · 28/05/2025 13:44

Just say thanks grandma

Ironically I’m a grandma and she’s not

OP posts:
Original poster
MooreMooreMoore · 28/05/2025 13:53

Spirallingdownwards · 28/05/2025 13:52

Your DP didn't also have an ex called Emma who they now refer to as old Emma in the group without you knowing? Maybe the "young" is her way of digging at you rather than saying "new Emma"??

Nope, but a good theory

OP posts:
Original poster
MooreMooreMoore · 28/05/2025 13:53

Relaxaholic · 28/05/2025 13:42

It’s rude and annoying- I wouldn’t like it either. I would say something like, ‘what’s with the ‘young’?’ I’m the same age as X, Y, Z…’ But I would also keep it light to avoid awkwardness.

She sounds passive aggressive to me- do you think she is threatened? Do you look young for your age and she doesn’t?

I’ve not noticed anything else, no passive aggression, she’s lovely with everyone and we share a very similar humour. There’s no flirting from anyone so no reason for anyone to feel threatened.
I’d say she looks her age, I do frequently get told I look younger, but I think that’s down to having good hair that hasn’t changed colour yet despite being menopausal and I think that helps, or in this case hinders!

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 28/05/2025 13:52

Your DP didn't also have an ex called Emma who they now refer to as old Emma in the group without you knowing? Maybe the "young" is her way of digging at you rather than saying "new Emma"??

Gundogday · 28/05/2025 13:46

She’s being condescending to you.

I love the ‘Old Rachel’ retorts suggested above.

GrumpyInsomniac · 28/05/2025 13:45

Also, if you call her ‘old’ in retaliation and someone else calls attention to it, you can easily come back with “after her calling me young Emma so much recently, I thought that was just what we were doing now” and push it firmly back on her.

RealEagle · 28/05/2025 13:44

Just say thanks grandma

GrumpyInsomniac · 28/05/2025 13:43

MooreMooreMoore · 28/05/2025 13:37

This is my natural default and I’m trying not to bite

Show quote history

Either she’s trying to be funny and it’s not landing, or she’s trying to make some kind of point with this behaviour, some kind of power dynamic to put you in your place. In which case she’s relying on you being too polite in order to achieve her aim.

I think your default reaction is the right one. Is there anyone else in the group you’re closer to who could give you some background on why she’s behaving like this?

Original poster
MooreMooreMoore · 28/05/2025 13:43

wrongthinker · 28/05/2025 13:36

I don't really get the issue? It's just a nickname, not even a funny one. If it bothers you, just tell her to stop. Use your words.

Maybe I’m reading a hidden agenda into it. She wouldn’t get away with calling me Fat Emma or Thin Emma, it appears like she’s being nice but it feels a bit off. She doesn’t do it to anyone else in the group. My friends who I’ve known for decades don’t have a nickname for me, yet this woman does. If I use my words I’ll look like the problem.

OP posts:
Relaxaholic · 28/05/2025 13:42

It’s rude and annoying- I wouldn’t like it either. I would say something like, ‘what’s with the ‘young’?’ I’m the same age as X, Y, Z…’ But I would also keep it light to avoid awkwardness.

She sounds passive aggressive to me- do you think she is threatened? Do you look young for your age and she doesn’t?

ShortColdandGrey · 28/05/2025 13:42

Start answering "Thanks decrepit Deborah' and give her a wink every time 😂

ThreenagerCentral · 28/05/2025 13:38

I would wait until it’s just the two of you, or find a way of getting her on her own and just ask her to stop. I’d chat about other things and when there is an appropriate moment I’d say ‘I’ve been meaning to ask you if you would stop calling me young Emma, I appreciate the compliment but I’d really prefer to just be Emma’

Original poster
MooreMooreMoore · 28/05/2025 13:37

GrumpyInsomniac · 28/05/2025 13:31

I’m petty in these circumstances and if the direct approach didn’t work would insist on referring to her as ‘old’ whatever her name is until she got the hint.

This is my natural default and I’m trying not to bite

OP posts:
wrongthinker · 28/05/2025 13:36

I don't really get the issue? It's just a nickname, not even a funny one. If it bothers you, just tell her to stop. Use your words.

Swipe left for the next trending thread