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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP friends wife, AIBU?

113 replies

MooreMooreMoore · 28/05/2025 13:24

DP has a big group of former colleagues and their partners who regularly meet up. They are all really nice, one woman insists on prefixing my name with ‘young’ eg. Can you pass the wine to ‘young Emma’. I am the only Emma, so she’s not differentiating between old and young Emma.
We are all within a 4 year age range, I’m the same age as half the group including her husband, we all have comparable education and success levels.
I need a nice retort to put a stop to it, but something that won’t highlight me as the problem, but it’s annoying me, she’s ever so nice, but it still feels I dunno belittling.
AIBU? Is it me? Would this annoy you?

OP posts:
FrodoBiggins · 28/05/2025 23:11

MooreMooreMoore · 28/05/2025 14:22

I could, but she is so nice, I’d appear to be the problem

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She might be trying to flatter you because you look young for your age? My BFF and I met a girl at college who was so great and lovely we called her Perfect Katie (including to her face). She knew we adored her though (at least i hope, I'm paranoid now!). I wouldn't do that now cos (a) it's a bit much (b) they might wrongly think it's sarcastic and (c) it kind of tells everyone else you're with that they're not as perfect - or in your case, young looking!

But I would be open to the idea that she is genuinely being nice. If you're going to do anything do the first jokey suggestion about giving her a nickname - but only suggest nice ones.

CarpetSlipper · 28/05/2025 23:05

I have a family member who used to add “young” before people’s names. It was social awkwardness due to being neurodivergent. A weird attempt at being humorous to cover up the awkwardness.
It may be because she doesn’t know you as well as the others?
Just ask her not to do it or refer to her as “old chap” next time.

Zippidydoodah · 28/05/2025 22:44

ShortColdandGrey · 28/05/2025 13:42

Start answering "Thanks decrepit Deborah' and give her a wink every time 😂

🤣

7catsisnotenough · 28/05/2025 22:40

Just call her Mummy M ! After all if you're so young she could be your mum 😉

JaneEyre40 · 28/05/2025 22:33

Oh Donna you're too kind! There's a Botox voucher in your Christmas stocking this year! 😂

Conniebygaslight · 28/05/2025 22:22

MooreMooreMoore · 28/05/2025 14:22

I could, but she is so nice, I’d appear to be the problem

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To who?

Rainbowx · 28/05/2025 21:42

Moody Margaret 😆

PeapodMcgee · 28/05/2025 21:31

I don't get it, you say she's lovely and you get on, so it's obviously not a dig, but a term of endearment on her part. However if you don't like it, just have a quiet word?

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 28/05/2025 21:23

Are you sure you don’t look considerably younger than the 4 yr gap?

I’d get in there first “Hi Old Rachel” when you see her.

Timeforsnacks · 28/05/2025 21:20

I haven't heard anyone use 'young' before someone's name for decades, it's a very old fashioned term of endearment.
Ask her if anyone in her family previously used the word that way and she may just say she was called it by her dear Aunt etc and she liked it. At least you will get to the bottom of her intention when she uses it and might be able to tell her you prefer it not be used on you.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 28/05/2025 20:57

I think I’d go with either asking her “I’ve been meaning to ask, why do you call me ‘young Emma’? Is there an ‘old Emma’ I’ve not met?” Ideally in a quiet moment at dinner, not nasty, just ask. Or start calling her “young [her name]”.

GRex · 28/05/2025 20:43

Thanks Magnificent Millie. Every time. Nobody can object to being called Magnificent, right!?

BIossomtoes · 28/05/2025 20:16

Oh for the love of God - why is the conclusion always that someone is jealous? There’s an absolute multitude of reasons why she might do it.

coxesorangepippin · 28/05/2025 19:21

She's jealous of you, basically

Next time she does it, wait for complete silence so everyone can hear, then say 'why do you always call me young??? Please stop'.

hedgerunner · 28/05/2025 18:34

I’d take it as a compliment!

SparklyGlitterballs · 28/05/2025 17:48

Alternatively, if her name begins with M then maybe Mature Margaret or Middle-aged Mandy will put her in her place 🤣

SparklyGlitterballs · 28/05/2025 17:46

I don't think a comment would make you seem like the problem. Next time she says it, ask in as nice a tone as possible "just out of interest Maureen, why do you always call me young Emma? I'm the same age as most of the group, and a grandma to boot." Then just smile and look at her while waiting for her to answer. I wouldn't think badly of someone who asked this in a group.

flowerpop · 28/05/2025 17:37

this is like a term of endearment in some circles so maybe you’re reading it a bit wrong ?

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/05/2025 17:33

MooreMooreMoore · 28/05/2025 13:37

This is my natural default and I’m trying not to bite

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I would.

ScupperedbytheSea · 28/05/2025 17:03

I'd just ask her why she calls you 'young Emma' with a slightly bemused/confused expression.

Depending on her response, reiterate that you're not particularly young given the company.

If she continues, I would keep reiterating that you're confused why she calls you that. Keep it straight.

It would irritate me too. Like people you don't know/or like that much trying to force a nickname on you.

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 28/05/2025 17:03

MooreMooreMoore · 28/05/2025 13:36

No, have you suffered a similar fate?

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Oh, no - thankfully. It's just that a traditional informal name for Bridget is Biddy - which goes after 'Old' very satisfyingly!

Canarybutterdaisy · 28/05/2025 16:57

Im with the others who suggested you ask outright and pleasantly "is there a reason you call me that?" and then follow up with "i prefer just emma thanks".

Does your partner not clock it? Would you rather they ask outright?

BIossomtoes · 28/05/2025 16:44

You don’t need any of this would be clever shit - “Please could you just call me Emma?” would work perfectly.

Mix56 · 28/05/2025 16:38

TheCurious0range · 28/05/2025 13:31

Call her old Donna or whatever her name is, or comments such as yes it's so funny we're so close in age I really didn't think so when we first met, ha ha I guess time is kind to some of us.

Perfect

Ragamuffin8 · 28/05/2025 16:35

My colleague used always refer to another male colleague as “young Bob”. In his head, I think he was showing respect to them, but “young Bob” was more than a decade older than him & close to retirement, so it just highlighted his age all the time.

You asking why she does it, doesn’t mean you’re making it a problem. She’s the one using this language and upsetting you. It’s perfectly reasonable to ask to be addressed by your name. If she’s genuinely as nice as you’ve said, she’ll be mortified and stop. If she’s not, then at least you know.

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