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Original poster

Ruining hen surprise for the bride?

165 replies

Faylor · 28/05/2025 13:24

I’m just curious. If I was the idiot for not specifying. In Aug it’s my best friend’s hen which I am organising alongside her cousin. We were told who was on the guest list and sent out a group msg.

Someone in the group messaged the bride separately saying “I can’t make it but have fun at x, I’m sure Y (random expensive activity) will be a lot of fun”. Who the fuck does that?? We’re surprising bride with festival - paying for her etc.

It’s assumed the hen do is a surprise right? The tone of the message was very much I'm organising it. Let’s celebrate the bride and spoil her.

We’ve forked out a lot of cash and I’m incredibly annoyed.

Looking back I should have been 1000% clear. But it’s the done thing to assume the bride doesn’t know, right?

OP posts:
Gemmawemma9 · 28/05/2025 13:33

Going against the grain, I 100% would have assumed it WAS a surprise unless told otherwise.
Do you know this girl well OP? Do you think she’s done it intentionally to be spiteful because she can’t go and she’s jealous? Or has it been a genuine oversight and she’s mortified?

Original poster
Faylor · 28/05/2025 13:33

I’ve only been to hens where it’s been a surprise for the hen. Probably affected my judgement

OP posts:
Original poster
Faylor · 28/05/2025 13:33

Okay fair enough I was the one who messed up

OP posts:
SockQueen · 28/05/2025 13:32

I would not have assumed it was secret unless specifically told so. I've been to hens where the bride knew everything, nothing, or somewhere in between!

TheCurious0range · 28/05/2025 13:32

Never been to a hen that's a surprise, if there's a surprise element that's always been made very clear on the invitations/WhatsApp

Acc0untant · 28/05/2025 13:32

I've never bothered to look at who is in a WhatsApp group I've been added to. I would also assume unless told otherwise that the bride is up to speed on what's happening on her own hen do. Sorry!

shakeitoffshakeacocktail · 28/05/2025 13:31

I agree you needed to specifically say 'DONT SAY ANYTHING ITS A SURPRISE'
In caps

People can be in multiple group chats and be going to more than one wedding this summer!

CocoPlum · 28/05/2025 13:31

I wouldn't assume the whole thing was a surprise. I think almost every hen do I've been to, the bride has usually been surprised with a gift, or things like a matching t shirt (or bikini bottoms, IYKYK) but never any of the activities.

Amba1998 · 28/05/2025 13:31

Yep sorry with the others these days many brides dictate what they do / where they go and then exit the group to leave the finer details to the bridesmaids. I think you need to be explicit

Original poster
Faylor · 28/05/2025 13:29

The bride set up the group and very obviously left/was kicked out before details were shared. More just sent an intro message and then said “bye, I’m leaving now”

OP posts:
ChessieFL · 28/05/2025 13:29

Sorry OP, I’m with the others and would have assumed the bride knew about the plans. You needed to say if it was a secret.

Original poster
Faylor · 28/05/2025 13:28

Bride was not in the group

OP posts:
TheChippendenSpook · 28/05/2025 13:28

If the bride is in the group, you'd assumed she'd know about it and be involved in the planning.

Sorry, I edited it to say I had misread your post and it was a separate message to the bride.

Smartiepants79 · 28/05/2025 13:27

I would never assume that the bride hadn’t been consulted about what they were doing for their own hen do.
I also think a personal message to the bride to apologise for not coming is a lite thing to do.

Puddypuds · 28/05/2025 13:26

I wouldn't have assumed it was a secret necessarily. A lot of brides seem to be very involved in their hen party planning.

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