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AIBU?

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Original poster

‘Child-free’ wedding

337 replies

BeZanyUmberBird · 28/05/2025 12:49

I know this is a contentious issue but my fiancé and I always intended to have a child-free wedding. We sent out the invitations 3 months ago and everyone worked it out. In our circles most people don’t have children or were keen to have a day away from them to have a relaxing time! The other day my fiancé’s brother sent him a message saying that he was really upset his son wasn’t invited (10) and that we needed to invited him or his wife wouldn’t come.
without dripfeeding, this boy is a PITA and we don’t really know him. Despite him being family he never engages with us when we see him and is more interested in his Nintendo switch. I’m keen for us to stick to what we decided but my DF has been guilt tripped into saying he can come. Now I’m annoyed because a) I feel like we’ve been emotionally manipulated into saying yes and b) DF didn’t discuss it with me. He says we can go back on it but then I’ll look like the AH for putting my foot down and it’ll be awkward. I also feel bad because I know my bridesmaids would have loved to have their kids there and have bent over backwards to sort out childcare. AIBU? Or what do I do? Suck it up?

OP posts:
Itsallsostressful · 28/05/2025 16:37

Emmz1510 · 28/05/2025 16:07

Child free weddings are pretentious and selfish, sorry. It’s one thing excluding children, quite another excluding children who are actual family members. Especially older children who know they are being left out. You say you don’t know him, but yet you call him a PITA? Presumably your fiance knows him, given he’s his nephew?
Right old mess you’re in isnt it?

Good to know I'm pretentious and selfish then 😂 loved my child free wedding ta !

EggnogNoggin · 28/05/2025 16:37

It'd child free or its not.

You're in for a world of hurt if you make an exception.

DH fucked up, he needs to fix.

ARichtGoodDram · 28/05/2025 16:34

She’s made it clear she doesn’t want kids at her wedding

And the groom has now made it clear he wants his nephew there.

It's his wedding too.

RainbowMoonbeam · 28/05/2025 16:32

This comment thread is why I eloped!

It's your wedding, you have every right to decide to have it child free.

This is a huge red flag from your fiancee, he absolutely should have discussed this with you. Frankly if he's not qilling to put you first on your wedding day he never will.

Put your foot down hard.

Islagetmycoat · 28/05/2025 16:31

Disco2022 · 28/05/2025 12:55

I think child free weddings are rubbish, it's a family event some of my favourite memories as a child are at family weddings, and I loved all the children dancing and playing at mine, they really upped the vibe!
Just let children come and I'm sure you won't notice on the day because you'll just be all happy with getting married.

She’s made it clear she doesn’t want kids at her wedding

PurpleHiker · 28/05/2025 16:30

I’ve been to many children-free weddings and they have all made exceptions for nieces and nephew’s of the bride/groom.

SouthLondonMum22 · 28/05/2025 16:25

Ladysodor · 28/05/2025 16:17

Should have stuck to your guns, but I really don’t see why folk want child free weddings, it’s not as if you’re responsible for them. And is one anti-social ten year old really going to be a problem?

I had a child free wedding because I wanted my wedding to be an adult event and not full of children. I didn't want children on the dance floor, crying during vows, misbehaving because they were bored etc.

Part of the very issue is that you aren't responsible for them which means that if they do play up, you aren't in control to do much about it and a parent can very well just not do a thing about it and allow them to spoil the wedding.

Youremylobster86 · 28/05/2025 16:21

I'm having a 'child free' wedding next year, but own children/nieces/nephews are the exception. So I think YABU.

Ladysodor · 28/05/2025 16:17

Should have stuck to your guns, but I really don’t see why folk want child free weddings, it’s not as if you’re responsible for them. And is one anti-social ten year old really going to be a problem?

CosyLemur · 28/05/2025 16:14

Child-free weddings I've been to there's always been an exception for family children to attend.

Riaanna · 28/05/2025 16:13

Needspaceforlego · 28/05/2025 15:56

What do you mean what?

If Ops having a bunch of oldies for flower girl and other brides maids why shouldn't the Groom inc his nephew as part of the wedding party?

Show quote history

Who said she is? Presumably he is also having a bunch of oldies as his groomsmen. They agreed a child free wedding. He doesn’t have the right to alter that without a discussion.

ALJT · 28/05/2025 16:12

I mean on one hand he’s family.. your finances family but on the other hand, what is a 10 year going to get out of a wedding with no other kids there… he’s going to be bored. I’m on the fence with this one but ultimately do stand by it’s yours and your partners wedding

Readytohealnow · 28/05/2025 16:12

Child free means child free. And as the B&G you are free to make any exceptions you wish. Being a PITA is a fair enough excuse to not want someone there on your special day.
We were predominantly CF too at our wedding with the exception of a couple of older kids of our friends who we have known for years and we knew the their behaviour would probably be better than most adults.

Emmz1510 · 28/05/2025 16:07

Child free weddings are pretentious and selfish, sorry. It’s one thing excluding children, quite another excluding children who are actual family members. Especially older children who know they are being left out. You say you don’t know him, but yet you call him a PITA? Presumably your fiance knows him, given he’s his nephew?
Right old mess you’re in isnt it?

Needspaceforlego · 28/05/2025 15:56

Riaanna · 28/05/2025 15:10

What?!

Show quote history

What do you mean what?

If Ops having a bunch of oldies for flower girl and other brides maids why shouldn't the Groom inc his nephew as part of the wedding party?

thesurrealist · 28/05/2025 15:34

I’m having flower girls: they just happen to be 4 of my octogenarian great aunts!

I love this! Stick to your guns and have the wedding you and your fiance really want. If his family don't respect your choices then that says a lot about them. weddings are about the couple, the days of it all being about FAAAAMMMMILLLY are thankfully over. Especially as this is MN and we know they are all going to end up no contact with the in laws within 6 months anyway 🤑

luckylavender · 28/05/2025 15:28

Disco2022 · 28/05/2025 12:55

I think child free weddings are rubbish, it's a family event some of my favourite memories as a child are at family weddings, and I loved all the children dancing and playing at mine, they really upped the vibe!
Just let children come and I'm sure you won't notice on the day because you'll just be all happy with getting married.

You’re entitled to your views, this bride is entitled to her views. And it’s her wedding not yours. Stick to your guns OP

ClearHoldBuild · 28/05/2025 15:22

I didn’t want children at my wedding but there was one who I couldn’t omit. The only child at our wedding was my niece who was two. I’m all for having a child free wedding but not inviting your niece or nephew is just mean and I don’t blame them for being upset.
Is leaving your fiancé’s nephew out of the wedding worth the potential lifetime of bitterness from your in-laws? Because you will be the one blamed not your fiance.

minnienono · 28/05/2025 15:18

To be honest, if you choose a child free wedding you need to expect people to refuse to come. In his brothers position I would have refused to attend. I think child free weddings are very indulgent, the only exception being I don’t think it’s wrong to not invite the children of work colleagues or evening guests, expecting family to magic childcare is ridiculous

Riaanna · 28/05/2025 15:10

Needspaceforlego · 28/05/2025 14:47

Very often it's friends and cousins weddings. And often people are told to speak to the couple explaining the issue with babysitters.

The BIL has done that spoken to the Groom who made the exception for his own nephew.
The Groom has decided his brother and DSIL are more important to him than a child free wedding.

And if Groom has any sense he'll go a step further and include the wee guy as a pageboy or ring bearer.

Show quote history

What?!

Riaanna · 28/05/2025 15:09

We had a child free wedding and no regrets. I would be bloody annoyed with my soon to be husband in your shoes. Can you spin it that he’s an exception as a nephew or are there loads of nephews / nieces?

Icedcaramelfrappe · 28/05/2025 15:08

What a shame that you and your partner don't really know his son, maybe the wedding will be a bonding experience for the three of you 😀

Riaanna · 28/05/2025 15:07

Disco2022 · 28/05/2025 12:55

I think child free weddings are rubbish, it's a family event some of my favourite memories as a child are at family weddings, and I loved all the children dancing and playing at mine, they really upped the vibe!
Just let children come and I'm sure you won't notice on the day because you'll just be all happy with getting married.

What entitled nonsense.

TipsyRaven247 · 28/05/2025 15:00

After the latest update from OP, it’s clear there are deeper issues here, beyond the BIL child fiasco. This is triggering red flags all over.

KimberleyClark · 28/05/2025 15:00

MisplacedMyMarbles · 28/05/2025 14:55

We had a child-free wedding, but invited very close relations. In our case that was our niece and nephew. They left by the evening and no other children attended.

We had a child free wedding - there were no close family children at time - but made an exception for myDH’s godson and his sister.