‘Child-free’ wedding

One of the reasons my DD decided to get married abroad….during term time….that sorted it for her and the groom. There were no pre-school children in the mix either. The wedding was absolute bliss!

What!? I don't get how a 12 year old can ruin a meal at a wedding by talking too much!?!? Was she monologuing loudly during the speeches or something?

This!

Hey OP, im with you, kids at weddings fill me with horror, when mine were little, even if they were invited, they weren't bloody coming. Weddings are dull as dishwater for kids.
But, youve posted on here where everyone is super precious about having kids at weddings so you will get the horror filled 'how dare you leave my cherub out' responses.
Stick to your guns and let them leave sil at home if they cant find anyone to have him.

It’s tricky isn’t it. I agree it’s your wedding and your decision so your FIL was wrong to say your soon to be nephew could come. My question is did your BIL wife threaten not to come or did she simply decline the invite. If my SIL got married and no children were allowed I would have to decline, and guess could be accused of threatening not to come because all our childcare options would be at the wedding! I would be disappointed but would understand , however it could be twisted that I am refusing to go.

Are you having a traditional church ceremony, wedding breakfast, evening reception? If so, then is there a compromise to only invite him to a portion of the day?

If not, then I think others would be understanding of the decision to make an exception for a nephew (albeit I get that it grates if it's been done through emotional blackmail). If you put your foot down, how will it affect your partner's relationship with his brother?

OP I love that you're having your great aunts as flower girls .... That's class !

As far as you being manipulated into having a bratty child at your do.... Dump it back on your DF with the expectation he has to manage the situation, including dealing with other guests queries on the matter and ensuring his brother and wife keep the child under control at all times while being hosted by you both.

Have a lovely day.

So many threads re child free weddings. I loved going to weddings as a child and I love seeing children at them!
I acknowledge it's your day but not to invite your nephew is mean spirited! I have never experienced this.
I think weddings are becoming more image based and less to do with family and it's so bloody sad.

i think if you both want a child free wedding you should have it. Just politely decline (firmly). If it was a DN you were close to fair enough, but if not others may take a slight theirs was not invited.
I say this as I wanted one and gave in and it still grates me I didn’t stick to my original plans.

Well it’s too late now 🤷🏻‍♀️

Blame your fiance.

As someone who made a lot of compromises for family in my wedding - stick to your guns. Me and DP both agree if we could go back in time we would elope, our parents would have got over it. By the time it actually came to my wedding day I was sick and tired of it all, and annoyed I’d been too much of a wuss to get the day I wanted. We did have a blast at the after party tho, but that’s because we snuck off for some of it and by the time we came back it had turned into an absolute rager.

It’s your wedding. It’s about you. Ours wasn’t child free, and I actually found it funny when my DN tried to run off during the ceremony, but I know most people would not. Having children there does add another level of stress, and if you’re someone who’s dreamed about their wedding for a long time and wants things a specific way, I would say going child free is a shout.

this boy is a PITA and we don’t really know him

Why hasn’t your STB DH made more of an effort to get to know his ten year old nephew?

I think your fiancé is at fault here. He shouldn’t have changed his mind and invited the nephew after all without telling you and he shouldn’t barely know his brother and best man’s child.

Neither of you sound very nice to be honest. Just explain to your bridesmaids what’s happened.

How much do you care about your fiancé's sister in law being there? If his brother is best man he's going to be busy all day anyway, so perhaps it's no big deal if she doesn't come. The rule is no children. Unless there are some children on your side going? In which case they are right to be annoyed, because it's either no children or it's not. But you can make exceptions for close family, providing it's fair on both sides.

Take your choice. Either allow nieces and nephews (all of them) or say no kids at all and let his wife decide whether she wants to come or not. Her call.

I know my bridesmaids would have loved to have their kids there and have bent over backwards to sort out childcare

Bottom of the opening post.

Where is there any mention of babysitters? The flower girls are octogenarians…. Attending a child free wedding. The nephew will be the only child.

Literally the OP. She says her bridesmaids would have loved to bring their children and have bent over backwards to organise babysitters.

Unless the bridesmaids are the OPs sisters, or the grooms sister, they absolutely don't have to be allowed to bring their children simply because the Groom's brother is allowed to bring his.

The only child free weddings I have been to have made an exception for immediate family. So I can see why they might feel a bit miffed.
Similarly, it’s your day and if you are adamant he might ruin things then I get why you might be reluctant to invite him.
Could you compromise and allow him to come for just part of it, say, evening do or wedding breakfast onwards? Then he isn’t completely left out but your ceremony is safe.
I don’t envy you, OP, my pita family took over my wedding too. In hindsight I wish I’d told them to jog on tbh.

Where is there any mention of babysitters? The flower girls are octogenarians…. Attending a child free wedding. The nephew will be the only child.

I’m in the childfree weddings by enforcement are rubbish and weird camp.

I don’t think your necessarily being unreasonable but neither is your brothers fiance or wife 🤷🏻‍♀️. If your going to set guest list specifications like this people are going to be offended and/or won’t be able to make it!

Eh, the issue with this is if one kid can come, why can’t the others? Obviously it’s not up to the guests to decide who comes and who doesn’t but some could be annoyed.

I don’t know if this is any help but my cousins had babysitters at their wedding and a room set up for the kids, we only joined the adults during the meals really. I don’t think child free was a concept anyway back then, but it was a great wedding.

The babysitters were mostly teens just side eyeing the kids and smoking, but that’s French teens for you lol

As a mother of a 10 year old I support this statement 100% 😂

We also had a child free wedding. With the exception of our brother and sisters children. We both felt excluding immediate family was a bit much, even if we didn’t want them there.

I completely understand your view point, but you sound a little entitled comparing your finances, brothers son to your friends children. They are not family.

What do you mean ?

She said her bridesmaids were arranging babysitters, the flower girls are obviously too old to have children who need baby sat.

Why is she allowed to include who she wants but the only mention of the groom is his brother / bestman yet he isn't allowed to include his nephew.

Groom obviously wasn't comfortable with excluding his nephew and made a decision. Its his wedding and family too.

It's your fiance's nephew, your bridesmaids would be stupid to be annoyed that one close relative is allowed to come

You either have to put your foot down and say no (which is what I would do) or allow your bridesmaids to bring their children. Your fiance can pay for the extra costs because it’s him that put you in this position.

It would be really mean to make an exception for the best man, but not the bridesmaids, who arguably have more costs than men associated with doing you the favour of being bridesmaids.