‘Child-free’ wedding

Who said the child was worse behaved?
Actually it sounds like he gets ignored and bored. So he ends up in a corner on his Switch. Is that really badly behaved?
Would it be any better if he entertained himself with a book or colouring stuff.

Very few kids are badly behaved on their own. Most need a partner in crime to bounce of off.

we needed to invited him or his wife wouldn’t come

To which my response would have been 'Oh, it's a shame your wife can't be there. Never mind.'

I think the flower girls will be beyond the massive piss up stage. Lol.

You made a rule - stick to the rule.

I think if it’s child free then it has to be totally child free or you’ll have a lot of pissed off guests who said to your face they were ‘looking forward to having a relaxing time without their children’ but who in reality had to find childcare and are annoyed their children weren’t invited when others were.

We declined a child free wedding because it was a 6 hour drive away and our child was 3 months old and breastfeeding, and we were told it was absolutely child free, not even babes in arms. And then we saw the photos with the brides 5 nieces and nephews all there, they were all primary school aged, turns out the groom wanted DH to get pissed and knew he wouldn’t if we brought our baby, haven’t looked at the couple the same since to be honest.

He doesn't want the nephew there, he bowed under pressure.

Apart from my son we are also having a child free wedding. We know this means some people will opt not to attend when we send out the invites, but we figure this is their choice. As a parent, if I was invited to a wedding minus child I would respect that choice. It's your wedding and sadly far too many people try to manipulate the choices of the B&G which is a shame.

As others have said, if you say yes this could inwardly upset others who have made childcare arrangements x

I don't know why OP got a kicking here.

I'd be fucking livid with my DF if they did that. Bent our agreed rules because he was guilted by family to invite the worst behaved child to a childfree wedding.

OP - if you are still watching, tell them NO.

Have you ever met a ten-year-old?

It totally isn't. I am surprised nobody is bringing up the most concerning issue: she is paying for the entire wedding.
Bonkers.

It's tricky. Child free weddings are honestly not for me, I didn't have one. I think weddings are to celebrate with family and that includes everyone. However I totally respect that it's personal choice and I would never ask the couple to change their mind or bend the rules for me. Once you allow one child it's hard to justify refusing others and you can end up with loads of children there or pissed off family.

Enjoying a grown ups day out is all fine and well, and you're right most parents jump at the chance to do this. However, many parents (myself included) have no childcare avaliable. If I had childcare I'd be partying until the bitter end with my friends and family. I'd also be going out on dates with my husband, as if I had the option, I wouldn't need a wedding as an excuse, always seems odd that couples say this... I've had to decline wedding invites before because I haven't had childcare. Sometimes they've offered to host baby in a way that's acceptable to them. I've bought baby for the ceremony before when close family have wanted me there for the official bit and sat at the back/left if they were making noise. I've also bought them for a few hours in the evening so I can have a quick cheers with them and a slice of cake and gone home with them for 8-9ish. I've been really happy when couples have offered this. I've also missed out on the whole event because my child isn't welcome and that is also fine.

In my dream world wedding venues would throw in a nanny for the day free of charge so children can be entertained and adults can party.

I have been to weddings where babies and toddlers have cried throughout the service and no one has thought to take them outside, so I can understand why some people prefer child free weddings. However I don’t think a 10 year old boy will be that much of a disturbance.

By definition child free wedding is code for massive piss up. I don't think it is appropriate to have one 10 year old at that type of event.

He is your nephew and if your BIL is best man it sounds like your close.
Very strange to not want him there. 10 year olds might not be the best company but he is very close family. That's like saying oh my dad is a bit dull so I won't invite him. I can see why family would be shocked and upset he was excluded.

That’s an odd reaction. It is not compulsory to take your children, even if they are invited.

My brother had a child free wedding but my kids were invited for the ceremony and meal they then went to their paternal aunts after. Neices and nephews should get an exception they are not the same as the bridesmaids kids ( who I'm assuming are just friends) etc

I wouldn’t be able to go if I was the SIL in this case, all my childcare would be at the wedding. I wouldn’t throw a strop about it but we have no idea that the sister in law did. Many people do not have childcare on tap, especially for something as long as a wedding. To be fair, I’m not sure I completely understood that until I had children own . ( I did not have a child free wedding though- although it was mostly family children that came, friends tended to arrange childcare)

What?
She did exactly what MN say it's an invite not a summons. The Brother asked could they bring the boy.

The Groom made a decision (and committed a crime didn't consult the bride according to mn) Maybe the bride should just LTB if he's prepared to go against her wishes and put his family before her.

I still don't see what consulting the Op would actually do other than make him look under the thumb, her controlling and really was he going to go back to the Brother - No the boy can't come because the wife to be says so?

It's his wedding too, if having his brother & sil there was important to him then it's important to him. So he's made the decision to include the boy. (Probably with Nintendo & headphones 🎧)

Did it say she threw a strop or did she say she was staying home to look after her child if he wasn't attending?

If you read the OP it was the child's father who was upset but even then it didn't say he threw a strop. Bit odd if brothers who are close can't talk to each other.

It doesn't change the fact that the OP thinks calling her a princess is harsh but she can say a child is a PITA more than once.

It’s pretty normal to have your nieces and nephews at the wedding but not friends children.
it’s up to you but I think it’s harsh not having your husbands family at the wedding (that’s what he is).
I love a good wedding with friends and spending time with my husband childfree but if my sister was getting married (she already is) she would have 100% had my daughter there.
my daughter was the only child at my sister in law’s wedding (it was child free) all friends arranged for childcare. My daughter is family.

I'd say the princess was the one throwing a strop and refusing to come unless her 10-year-old can. Imagine demanding an invitation to an event.

I think you need to say fine he can come. If anyone else kicks off point out that it’s your nephew and best man’s son; I’m sure no one will argue with that.
If you don’t, it’ll always be remembered and you’ll always feel guilty. To clarify though, I do think they are being entitled d1cks 😂

we had a child free wedding ish, we had our son who was 1 and I had said my bridesmaids could bring theirs who were a similar age but actually neither did. The reality was if we had invited children we wouldn’t have been able to have half the adults we had. We had no immediate family with children and had we got nieces of nephews then they would have been invited. I think child free is fine but there should be a little wriggle room.

Harsh to call you a princess but fine for you to call a child a PITA? Seriously? Do you always like to dish it out but can't take it?

I think you could easily make an exception for a 10 year old nephew at your wedding, especially as your fiancée is close with his brother.
Why start off married life with this horrible exclusion of an important family member. The boy is precious to his parents who will be really hurt that you think he’s disposable at an important family event. Weddings are primarily for families and a nephew is a close family member.

Quite apart from the wedding, at ten years old, it should be you and fiancée and the other adults making the effort to forge a relationship with him instead of expecting him to make the effort first. Even if he’s difficult, he is still worthy of inclusion. Maybe he’s really awkward and shy for his age or maybe he realises you all think so badly of him so he prefers to stay out of your way on his Nintendo. Imagine being that ten year old knowing all his family think he’s a PITA. The kind thing to do as his Aunt would be to include him and encourage him to come along to experience a lovely family wedding. Talk to him about it and tell him what happens at a wedding. Reassure him. Let him know he can just sit quietly and observe if that’s what he wants to do….and he doesn’t have to stay for the party if he doesn’t want to. Accept him the way he is and. He might open up.

My advice would be to climb right down on this issue OP, make your nephew feel really welcome and hope something good comes from it.
Best wishes for a lovely wedding day.