‘Child-free’ wedding

Why - because someone does something different than you would?

Then more fool them

Isn't that a personal attack?

All 300 invited guests accepted.

If you’d invited us, we wouldn’t have gone.

Like I said. Twats

and it’s that attitude why we didn’t invite people like you to our child free amazing wedding!!

People who specify child free weddings are twats

I think it’s fine - family are different. I think you have to explain to the bridesmaids though, I found it awkward when I had a really hard time getting childcare cover for my kid only to have it cancel and my DH was unable to go to the wedding - but everyone else had kids there!

If they are invited, I take them because I know it means the bride and groom will want them there.

It also means other children will likely be there so the wedding is going to be different anyway which is not my preference but not my wedding so my preference doesn't matter.

I had exactly the same issue with husband's brother. We stuck to our guns, they were furious but came all the same minus their child.

Oh dear, just a point, you say at 10 years old he doesn’t engage with you. Really wow, should you not engage with him, he’s the child. Horrible. Your wedding, your decision but I can’t stand this type of situation, he is your nephew to be and you speak like he is such a problem.

Easier said than do! We had 4 children at our wedding and everyone else was told no cos they £70 a head

Beggars belief that in a thread where child-hate runs rampant (in a forum called mumsnet to boot) it is actually someone who used the term oldie that gets called ageist.
World's gone mad.

Maybe the OP won't feel that way - I have 2 kids and don't give a shit if their not invited to a wedding. Not my day, not my day.

Once you have children of your own you’ll realise how awful excluding your nephew is. It’s one 10 year old, he’s not a toddler who’ll scream throughout. One 10 year old who’ll you’ll hardly notice.
A family wedding, all family at the party, who’s expected to look after your nephew? Presumably this is the reason the wife can’t attend.
My cousin had a kid free wedding, 300 miles away. We had to get my in-laws, who lived 4 hour drive away up for the weekend. It was so hard to arrange. Later when she had children and brought her children to my brothers wedding (they had our children and my cousin’s kids as the only children at their wedding) she said she couldn’t believe the pressure they’d put on people by saying no kids.
If my brother had refused to allow my kids at his wedding that would have been a major issue.
By all means don’t allow friends to bring their kids, but immediate family should absolutely be an exception.
As for saying he doesn’t engage with you, you’re the adults - he’s 10! You should be engaging with him, the effort should come from you He will be more interested in his switch. You’re calling him a PITA, no wonder he doesn’t chat to you much.

@Needspaceforlego

why?? Because he’s younger?? Op has said she barely know him. Are they less worthy of their role at the wedding on account of their age?

Also “oldies”…

Ageist.

Exactly, and his only contribution is to go against their shared agreement without even consulting her.

So the groom made the decision. He'd rather have the kid than upset his brother.

That should be the end of it.
Ops upset because she doesn't like the kid. And him and his Nintendo will lower the tone.

Maybe she should have pushed the boat out and had him as a pageboy rather than oldies as flower girls.

I'm not sure what you don't understand and why you tried to re-write the OP. She explained much more succinctly:

"The other day my fiancé’s brother sent him a message saying that he was really upset his son wasn’t invited (10) and that we needed to invited him or his wife wouldn’t come."

I get that, but they knew we had no childcare options, and if it was 100% child free we had no problem not attending with a babe in arms, but if there are actually some children there anyway then it just seemed a bit mean to not have one of his oldest friends there when it wouldn’t actually have cost them anything to have a 3 month old baby there.

@Peanutbum so it's fine for you to have exceptions to the child free rule but not for Ops DGroom.

He's a guy I bet he never thought about the childcare issues for he's brother and would much rather have DNephew than to upset his brother and not have SIL there.

We had a child free wedding except our own daughter who was 2 at the time, & my brother & cousin who were both 7, plus babies in arms (there were 2) absolutely no one had a problem with it. (although I was shocked when one of my husbands evening guests brought her 9y old daughter instead of her husband without even checking it was ok!) I’d be putting my foot down - if you were close and had a relationship with your nephew it would be different but it sounds as though you don’t! If your fiancé doesn’t want him to come either that’s says a lot too! Children are wonderful, we now have 3 of our own and I absolutely adore them but actually sometimes a) you need a night off & b) in my experience they get so bored at weddings, especially during the day & then by evening they’re exhausted and grouchy!🤣 sorry OP, not much help but I do believe if it was made clear from the beginning it’s ok to put your foot down…also it’s a bit odd they didn’t mention it when the invites first came out?!

The getting your DH drunk is annoying, but exceptions are made for family is often down to childcare. We could ask family to look after the kids for a friends wedding, but wouldn’t be able to do the same for a family wedding. We didn’t have a childfree wedding but why we noticed was family bought kids and friends found childcare and came childfree. Both completely their choice. Most weddings I have been to included family children.

Close family I'd normally exclude from the child free thing. He might be a pain in the arse but he's not your problem to deal with on the day. Just be sure to clarify that SIL is in charge of the little shit and he can't be interrupting his father's best man duties 😂

you are under no obligation to provide child specific meal choices or entertainments either....

The thing is that is just a fact, doesn’t mean the SIL is being difficult, just means she has to look after their child. That’s fine. No drama.