‘Child-free’ wedding

Family should celebrate a wedding you are being selfish and entitled. My brother did this and our relationship has not been the same since. The kid is 10 they definitely know when they are being rejected.

It is their wedding and DF made a big decision without informing OP. A decision OP thought they had already agreed on.

Stick to your guns. You are perfectly entitled to have a child-free wedding. To any one who thinks that 10 yr olds can't be total, utter PITAs, get real.
If you want an unbiased answer to that, not influenced by emotional attachment or blinkers, ask a teacher!

Being a complete AH doesn't take decades to achieve, some children have PITAness perfected long before 10.
Why prople have to be so blind to excruciatingly bad behaviour or have a long list of excuses for abominable behaviour by children & teenagers is beyond me.
By 10, a child is perfectly capable of behaving reasonablely for the duration of a wedding. OP's experience is clearly that this particular child does not behave acceptably..
So don't invite him. It is absolutely reasonable to decide to exclude him.

I wish we had excluded my nephews from an important celebration. DH & I were mortified by their behaviour which ruined our special occasion

Don't let PITA, or even the worry about it spoil your very special day.

I had a child free wedding with my nieces still in attendance because they’re family and I love them, I think your sister in law is upset that you don’t feel this way (or that your fiancé doesn’t) as excluding children of the family is saying you don’t care for them to see you get married

Your wedding your choice.
If guests don't like it don't come, easy.
Manipulation is selfish, it's not their day.

It isn't her wedding, it's their wedding and it sounds like the OP is far more committed to no children than her DF. Her DF is obviously close to his brother as he chose him to be his best man.

They're entitled to a child-free wedding if that's what they want. And why has the mother of the nephew thrown a tantrum? She can get childcare like everyone else has, or is she one of these women who has to have her brat with her wherever she goes?? Anyhow, just tell her to stay at home if she wishes to. She'll change her mind if nobody takes any further notice of her. I hope your Wedding goes well.

I am all for child free weddings, but I think nephews and nieces are the exception to that. Excluding the best man’s son is a bit harsh.

Why is the brother the best man if you and your fiancé clearly aren’t close to him to the point of describing his son as “this child” and a pain in the arse.

Does he not have any real friends or does everyone else find you both as unbearable as you’ve come across in this woe is me drivel?

I should think that your own children should be allowed to attend your wedding if you have them.

I don’t ever want to go to a child free wedding; ridiculous. What’s wrong with people?

YANBU but your DF is the AH here!

You made an agreement between the two of you. He went behind your back and agreed with his DB that the kid could come. Now if you say ‘no’ as you had BOTH AGREED, then you’re made out to be the bad guy.

Been to a wedding with no kids, been to a wedding with no small children - they just had children of family but didn’t really have friends’ kids so it was just 4 kids under 10 (instead of an additional 20 toddlers/babies!!! 😳). I probably would have invited the 10 yo nephew myself form the off with an otherwise childfree wedding. I wouldn’t have changed my mind after agreeing to something. BUT…. That isn’t what you guys want to do. It’s your wedding and that’s okay.

As an aside my DH felt the need to invite he cousins GF to appease his aunt despite the fact that neither of us wanted her there because she’s rude AF and none of us actually like her (not even the aunt but she wanted to make her son happy FFS). This GF ignores you, doesn’t acknowledge you, constant face like a slapped-ar*e etc. I said no, DH pressured me into it, she ends up as the +1 arrives at the wedding, face in the middle of all the photos so couldn’t even edit her out. They split up. Still wish I’d never agreed to it. She was just unpleasant and now her face is in middle of family pics 🤦‍♀️

Your DF needs to sort this one. That was a really sh*tty thing for him to do.

I think it’s awful not to invite the grooms nephew. Why would a 10 year old particularly interact with you? How do you try? Yes perhaps his parents should teach him to interact to be polite but it’s not a big deal.

I personally think close family children (nephews and nieces) should be at their uncle/aunties wedding. We didn’t invite friends children, but I would never have left out my nephews and nieces!

Totally get why you went for a child free wedding - it is your wedding and your choice. tbh it does sound like your fiancé's brother's wife was the one who actually had the problem with this and he was sent to ask his brother.

Whether or not you agree it is about respecting the ask. They should have not asked, your fiancé should not have agreed.

10 year olds aren't toddlers but some of them definitely still don't know how to behave. Especially if he is bored and sulky because he's the only child there.

There could be a load of reasons why his mums family aren't able to have him, distance, fitness, holidays, work, other commitments or simply just don't want to, not all family want to spend time with DGC.

I wouldn't really want to ask friends to have my kid all day and night either.

He's 10 it's not like he's a tiny kid who doesn't know how to behave and will inturpt the wedding. Or a tiny kid who the music will be too loud for.

My sister had a child free wedding, my baby ( 4 month old at the time) wasn't even invited. I've never told her this as i wouldnt want to upset her, but I would have enjoyed the wedding so much more if my baby had been invited, I was genuinely gutted but I had to respect thier choice. I think for immediate family, children should be invited.

I don’t see why you feel the need to exclude a 10 year old? He’s hardly a small child likely to ruin the ceremony or have a tantrum during the speeches is he?! Also as your fiancée’s nephew he is immediate family. It’s not the same as your bridesmaids not being allowed to bring their kids

#TeamTwatFTW!

Maybe his mother hasn't got family.

My experience too. Children of immediate family and wedding party are usually exempt from child-free rules. And this is pretty standard.

What will the nephew do at the wedding as the only child there? Surely he would much prefer a sleepover or a day out with friends / his mother’s family?

The same could be said for those who think that their children should be invited to every single event.

Some events are or can be adult only and that's absolutely fine.

@Ginny98

maybe they were happy to spend some time away from their kids? They could properly relax and let their hair down