‘Child-free’ wedding

I have a 10yo. He is frequently a pain in the arse.

If you allow one child, everyone who has one who has not brought them will be pissed off... So you will have to go all or nothing IMO.

Some ten year olds ARE a pain in the arse!

OP, I'm having a child-free wedding. Only one person has complained a bit and I sorted it with a phone call.

No, your fiancé shouldn’t have caved without talking to you, but TBH I don’t think this is a huge deal. He will be your nephew.

Either let him spend the day with his nose in his switch, with headphones so the noise doesn’t distract, or give him a role as a junior groomsman so his father can keep an eye on him, and nobody else can complain because he has a specific role and isn’t just an exception to the no kids rule.

Family dc should always be invited imo. Get him a gaming station somewhere and some 'special snacks' and he'll be happy and out of your way, also his parents will be happy.

I would be very very upset at his back tracking, even more so because the 10 year old is a PITA.

This is on your fiance to sort out.
I had a wedding with lots of family children, my choice.

I think it is disgracefully rude to insist your child can go and threaten to not go.

You accept or decline the invite, as is your right, not make threats.

If his brother refuses to come thats on him.
This is setting an awful precedence in your marriage.

You and your wishes clearly are less important than his brother.

Think about that.

Children aren't a nuisance at weddings? Hollow laugh.

It doesn't matter what the reason is. Her fiancé had no right to override the decision they'd both made without consulting her.

Weddings are a happy occasion, and especially for friends and family. Children at weddings aren't a nuisance, they just enjoy the food and excitement and attention.
He'll probably be fine, so don't worry about it.

You say he's a PITA and that he likes playing on his switch, would he quietly play on his switch during the wedding? If so I don't see what harm he's doing.

I would be annoyed if my husband invited someone without asking though.

Close family children (as in the couple own children and their nieces/nephews plus the couples siblings) is quite normal at "child free" weddings. Most people understand the difference.

Probably be quite dull for him though.

She actually said they either didn't have kids or were keen to have a relaxing day without them so even more contradictory. Maybe people were being polite about their kids not being invited and the hassle of getting childcare.

This is nonsense, I very much noticed the children at my wedding.

I generally think children and weddings are a bad mix but I think nieces and nephews ought to be an exception. You can make this exception without offending others whose children aren’t invited, as they are family.

if you and your fiancé both wanted to put your foot down and say no kids at all, I’d respect it is your choice but it’s your fiancé’s wedding too and he is clearly concerned about saying no to his brother. I think you need to let this one go.

Your partner is obviously close to his brother for him to be best man yet you state you are not close to your nephew, you call him a pita to be around and he doesn’t engage with you…erm his a child. Of course he isn’t going to make conversation with grown adults and be more interested in gaming!
Feel sorry for this poor kid, a aunt and uncle who don’t bother with him, call him a pita on the internet and then don’t allow him to come to a family wedding where his own father has a part to play. If someone treated my child like that I definitely would be declining an invite to a wedding let alone being part of the wedding party.

Just to add, if a couple want a child free wedding then I am all for it it’s their day their choice, but all I can see from your post is hatred for a family child.

Op what's your reason for child free?

Is it the vibe?
Is it too many kids?

We could have ended up with 36 kids at our wedding so ended up with close family kids only.

You are marrying into this family. This boy is your nephew. Your wedding is one day. Do you really think you need to control this one day, and ensure all the wedding party are fawning over you rather than parenting their respective offspring is so important that you are willing to sacrifice years of hostility from your husband's family? You may find yourself without a best man in any case if you continue down this path.

Yes it is your day of celebration, but the idea is to celebrate WITH your guests, whom you should host with a generous spirit, rather than expect guests to be minor supporting players to your big moment. Do you want them to have enjoyable memories of your wedding, or be left stressed, broke and resentful? Kids are not toys that can be put away when not useful...

It is just really really sad to read that your DF has his brother as his best man and you and him clearly openly dislike his son and call him a pain in the arse, justified solely by your perception that he enjoys his games console!

You may not have much in common with a 10 year old boy and he may like playing his Nintendo when you’re around (because it doesn’t exactly sound like you’re nurturing or encouraging the relationship anyway) but that’s your DF’s nephew!! Not inviting very close family members simply because they’re children is cruel.

Child free weddings ought to mean that not every friend can bring all 3/4/5 of their kids to be loud and cause chaos. But surely it’s not so important for you for every single person under 18 to be excluded from the wedding that you’d actually not invite the boy who will become your nephew that day to celebrate your wedding?? He’s also 10, unlikely to be disruptive like a small baby so that isn’t a factor.

Also, for the record, it’s not that relaxing to find all day and night childcare to attend a wedding and then leave early so you can relieve the babysitter. That’s what people who aren’t parents perceive as relaxing.

Also, you're contradicting yourself. Initially, you said most of your social circle preferred a child-free event, but later acknowledged that your bridesmaids would have loved to include their children. So, which one is it?
This is what happens with you open the pandora box of childless weddings.

One day you might have kids and you'd be deeply hurt if close family members consider them "a pain in the arse". They (BIL, SIL, nephew, etc) might be the people you'll look to babysit your own kids one day. Don't burn those bridges.

Besides, if playing quietly on his Nintendo is his main crime, he doesn't sound like much of a pain? What do you expect of a 10yo boy, to make never-ending polite small talk with his aunt-to-be? Do you remember being 10?

Are you worried about the photos? In my experience the children aren't bothered about not featuring, unless they're bridesmaids.

I am biased because I hate child free weddings.
But normally even child free weddings would include the Grooms nephew.
Of course it's up to you it's your party and you can invite who you want. But I am not surprised your fiance's brother and his wife are upset.

So everyone either doesn't have kids or looking forward to having a relaxing day without them but your bridesmaids would have loved their kids to be there. That doesn't seem to add up.

How is that judgemental? Some 10yr olds can be almighty pains in the arse!

It's her wedding she can choose to have a child free wedding.

Her husband has made the issue worse by backtracking.

A 10 year old can indeed be a PITA.

No need to be snippy to the OP.

I agree. It seems very unfair to exclude close family.
Your choice though.