‘Child-free’ wedding

If you don't think inviting one child is stupid, we're not going to see eye to eye.

most people don’t have children or were keen to have a day away from them to have a relaxing time!

The other day my fiancé’s brother sent him a message saying that he was really upset his son wasn’t invited

I know my bridesmaids would have loved to have their children there

The wedding party are unhappy by the policy. So the first sentence isnt accurate

We had a child free wedding but an exception was of course made for our immediately family (so nieces and nephew - our siblings kids). Not everyone has babysitters.

Why? Unless the bridesmaid’s are OP’s sisters, their children are not close relatives of the bride or groom.

Invite the nephew, don’t invite the nephew - whichever. But I think you’d have to be unbelievably self absorbed to think that because the groom’s nephew got invited, your unrelated child should be invited too.

He’s not being invited because he’s a child of someone in the wedding party, he’s being invited because he’s a close relative.

Really glad all of the weddings I've attended (including my own) were welcoming of children. Can't imagine how self centered you have to be, to exclude child family members from being part of a big momentus occasion for the whole family, just to what.. give you a better time? Keep the whole thing "perfect"? Or Instagram-able? Or make sure there is no noise? Or make sure 100% of the attention is on you, and not the kids?

I genuinely can't think of a non-selfish reason to do it..

But that makes sense because weddings are pretty much "me me me days" for a lot of young people. My only wedding, my only chance, the one day that is all about me.

There was some great data that came out a while back. Bigger attendance and cheaper costs for the wedding = lower the divorce rate. Makes sense to me. Starting a lifelong act of selflessness with either an inclusive family event or a me-festival, is a stark contrast.

Even if that is the case, it still doesn't mean he can make a decision about the wedding without discussing it with OP first and OP can't be just expected to go along with it 3+ months after thinking they had already agreed and other people going to effort to get childcare.

It sounds like DF does agree with OP but his brother has put the pressure on so he's made the decision without OP.

Often close family are excluded from the no children rule. But if he’s really a PITA then I understand why you wouldn’t want that exception. Could you compromise and say he can stay until 8pm or something, so at least it’s a child-free zone once the dancing starts?

You need to tell DF to call his brother and tell him that there are no exceptions to your rule of no children because that wouldn't be fair to everyone else who have to make arrangements/staying at home with children. So sorry that his wife can't come but you look forward to see him at the wedding. The end.

Personally I love child free weddings! My oldest is SEN and impossible to find sitter for him so I get to stay at home and just send hubby. He loves parties as much as I hate them so it's win win😄

this boy is a PITA and we don’t really know him. Despite him being family he never engages with us when we see him and is more interested in his Nintendo switch.

Sounds quite normal for a 10 year old.

I think taking a 10yo to a wedding is a totally different experience from taking a preschooler.

A 10 yo isn't in danger of just wandering off or crying in the middle of the service.

The boy isn’t your fiancées brother child….he is his nephew

multiple people's little shits

Nice.
Thankfully, while my friends and family might have children who are difficult to manage at times, no one refers to them as little shits.

This. Having one kid there is the worst of all scenarios. Either your fiance grows a backbone and tells his brother no, or you allow the whole wedding party to bring their kids.

I know I'd prefer a fiance with a backbone.

I’ve been on the other side, the sister of the bride and my kids (her niece and nephew) not invited. I assumed it meant she didn’t like my kids, and after reading your post it backs that up for me. This will likely be what your fiancé’s family are thinking.

If your DF wants to invite the child of his brother he's very close to then he should imo, and you shouldn't stand in the way of that.

Yes, it's your wedding, and yes you made a decision originally, but it's now about relationships long term.

Making an exception for one nephew (assuming there's no drip feed about there being 20 other uninvited nieces and nephews) shouldn't remotely cause offence with any other guest. Especially as your DF and his brother are very close.

But you're not joining two families are you? The bride and groom are joining. But the wider family aren't. How does the brides aunt join the grooms cousin because of a wedding?

it's a moot point. There's no 'families joining' at all apart from the B&G.

Did your sister say the wedding was centred around family or is that something you decided?

Is it really worth falling out with his brother over? What matters more, his brother being there or your nephew not being there.

Kids can be pains. So can elderly relatives or siblings etc.

Childfree bashing has started……

I went to a wedding this weekend, and whilst the bride and groom were having their first dance, multiple people's little shits we're doing knee slides across the dance floor, screaming and shrieking during the speeches and ceremony. Getting up and running around during the vows.

weddings with kids who are spoilt and misbehave are rubbish. People seem to think the world revolves around their kids and it doesn't. I had a CF wedding and it was fabulous. Utterly brilliant and definitely not rubbish. Not one single person moaned about not bringing their kids.

and no, it's not a 'family event' what does it have to do with wider family? They aren't getting married. It's the bride and groom. That is it and that is all. If family want to make it about themselves then they are very self absorbed.

and yes I have DC.

Do you mean your sister wanted a child free wedding and the family bullied her into having children there?

In our circles most people don’t have children or were keen to have a day away from them to have a relaxing time!

Most of the people i know who talk about it being great for parents to attend a wedding "away from their kids to have a relaxing time" are people who don't have kids and imagine them to be a burden.

My BiL (childfree) once admitted when drunk that when saying this he really means he wants parents having carefree fun with him and not distracted by/prioritising caring for their kids. He is constantly trying to schedule childfree activities on weekends and just seems oblivious that we all have swimming lessons, family time, play dates etc..

For a lot of working parents weekends are precious family time when everyone is in work/school/childcare all week. Sure to you its only 1 day for your wedding but there's always something - a request from friends to go on a boys golf day, numerous weddings, 40ths etc. It can feel like childfree friends spend all their time trying to get you to abandon your children on weekends when its the only time you have with them!!

So don't get married? But if you do get married, that is what you are doing...

Came on to this thread to see the usual comments from people on how it's not a wedding without kids, it's such a shame, you're being a princess not to want kids etc.
All pretending like some kids aren't noisy and disruptive or get bored at weddings...
Why are we pretending that its all cute little dance moves and giggles? I've been to weddings where kids talk through the ceremony (or worse cry) then dominate the topic of conversation and are then the centre of attention, surly teenagers who are clearly bored out of their minds, toddlers who are clearly overwhelmed and therefore upset all day.... can we stop this pretence that all kids add heaps of fun to weddings?

I find it hilarious when people say weddings are about joining two families - so often the families end up hating each other ever after, or at best tolerating each other.