Husband keeps having accidents with 15mo

You left out the word accidental for a start.
When describing the incidents in the car the OP used the words ‘accidentally’, ‘slipped’ and ‘wasn’t deliberate’.

So yeah, to portray them, as you did, as ‘someone kept hitting me’ is a misrepresentation.

Hmm, I'm dyspraxic, and I've never made anything like this number of errors with my son.

I learned way before I was ever a parent to make excessive allowances for closeness etc, not to make sudden movements, think twice and act slow. Because I know my brain just can't be trusted to make the right movement in the appropriate amount of time.

You can't make your brain as good at spacial awareness as someone neuro typical, but you can ingrain habits that make up for the lack.

You’re the one calling me names.

How exactly am I misrepresenting the OP? She literally says that he is constantly stepping on her toes and when they were in the car coming back from her surgery he hit her surgical site and then a few seconds late his hand “slipped” when changing gears and he punched her leg. So what am I misrepresenting?

It does sound like your DH lack ‘spatial awareness’ for want of a better description. He clearly has no idea just how small children can put themselves in harms way by merely being inquisitive. Have you considered a play pen for the baby when your DH is doing chores? Somewhere safe has to be better than trapped fingers etc.

I wish people who are dyspraxic would stop saying im dyspraxic and I am not like this.

You are different people, it's not comparable.

I'm autistic and I can speak, er go, it's not acceptable that some other autistics can't speak, they're just not trying hard enough. Get what I'm saying?

We're each individually affected to different degrees and in different areas by our disabilities. It's not fair to say just because YOU don't have these issues, and can sequence tasks, and switch tasks better than someone else that they're just not trying hard enough. They can't make their brains do what their brains can't do.

Great for you if you can divert your attention, or switch on some sort of hyper vigilance, but not everybody can.

Write down the time and date of every single incident in case you do leave him and he goes for 50% custody. Evidence is vital.

Is your husband called Frank Spencer?

Trapping fingers in doors isn't a "clumsy" issue. It's a "not bothering to check" issue.

A hypothetical diagnosis (that this adult doesn't even have) doesn't excuse hurting a child. Pinching fingers in a hinge like this is unbearably painful - my older child did it to my toddler once, and I felt guilty for weeks that I should have prevented it.

I would shout too if someone kept hitting me.

You are wilfully misrepresenting what OP said now @PhilomenaPunk.

I am a bit blasé-I accept I am like this - it is me it impacts on the most by miles but the fact I remember the child accidents shows that they are the ones that I care about. I don’t even remember half the things I do to myself. I used strategies so I brought them all up to never touch the door jam as I knew how that would end up…but it was still often a bit disastrous but that is usually safe just means a few more band aids. fortunately now they are all larger than me so other than contributing to the odd minor scar I am free and clear.

OP I am adhd and dyspraxic. I've never had this many accidents with my kids and I've been parenting over 20 years! :-( (I also am autistic FYI, all conditions formally assessed and diagnosed).

I recall once when eldest was a baby I was carrying him downstairs and felt myself wobble forward - I threw myself backwards so I didn't hurt baby. I can't think of any similar incidents with my younger kids. Yes parents may have the odd incident of not seeing a little hand or a foot as they are rushing about but this sounds bigger and more frequent.

I suspect it is more he doesn't TRY to be present and safety conscious. He doesn't seem to have it on his radar whatsoever, not just as a parent but also as a caring partner?!

You are right to be concerned. This isn't safe!

Your description of what happened after your op is really serious. He could have done you damage and it hurt you. And he is very frequently hurting your child.

I'd think back over the last month and jot down EVERY incident. Then carry that on for a bit. Keep a log. Times, dates and facts. So you can see how often it is.

I'd also get this on record somewhere eg go to your health visitor or gp and get them to log it and log how concerned you are. Because if at any point before your ds grows up you split, he will be allowed unsupervised care of him and that sounds risky.

Oh and with that snotty ‘what are you not understanding’ crap, I’m out.

I miss the days on here where people could communicate politely, as they would do in real life, instead of acting like superior dickbags.

And again, they are separate, isolated incidents. Not a pattern of behaviour. What are you not understanding here?

Oh really? My kids have matching forehead scars because of two separate incidents. That’s a pattern surely. And yet both were accidental.

Well I would say if he had kept rolling off the bed and kept being burned by your straighteners across multiple instances then yes, that should have been flagged. Once is an accident. A pattern of behaviour is not accidental.

But why would he do something about it when he's being told that theres nothing wrong with him by his wife and he just needs to be more careful?

If you're dyspraxic, you can't suddenly not be dyspraxic. Being more careful can't happen if your brain is wired different. The same way that someone autistic might say things in a blunt way, they can't just change how their brain processes words because someone has suggested they be less blunt because their brain doesn't perceive the world in the same way.

You give more attention to one single detail, and then other things start going wrong instead. That's the problem with executive functioning issues.

Um we’re talking fingers near a drawer not outright uncontrolled violence.

In my care my son both rolled off the bed and burned his hand by grabbing my straighteners - I suppose I should only have been allowed supervised contact too?

I would shout too if someone kept hitting me.

I wouldn’t be prepared to let anybody get away with constantly hurting me-man or woman. The difference is that when it’s a man more often than not the advice is to placate and excuse the behaviour and alter the world around him so that he is comfortable while everybody else is walking on eggshells.

This☝️
Everything I would say to do.
I imagine your so fed up each time it happens you respond pissed off with him (which is totally understandable) but it's keeping you in a loop of annoyance and him defensive.
Once kid is at nursery it could be flagged up if incidents keep happening.
Don't move his wine glass for him, let it get knocked down repeatedly and ensure he cleans it all up properly every single time, don't get involved apart from monitoring it's all done correctly, otherwise kid could get hurt, and record it. If he breaks multiple glasses surely he would want to move onto a plastic cup? Then it's just wind spillage to correctly clean up
If he can't reflect on how his behaviours are making you feel, and getting hurt from then he's a prick who doesn't care

Alter her behaviour?

I just suggested she stop shouting at him!

It’s a hard truth to accept, but neurodiverse or not, he is a danger to his child and really shouldn’t be left with the child unsupervised. Neurodiverse or not, it is his responsibility to get help and investigate strategies, not for OP to gently persuade him to (which, based on her first post, hasn’t worked).