Husband keeps having accidents with 15mo

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Yes I think for Mr the worrying part is "whatever* is causing his clumsiness but the concerning part isn't that he doesn't seem overly worried about that.

This is the link part.
Op god forbid he hurts your son so much that he would need medial attention but if he did then he must go along with you so he can see medic's at work and gain an understanding of how serious it is.

My DH isn't any of these things but I did notice he didn't seem as hot as me on our DD reoccurring illness, until he came into hospital and saw her. Sometimes it's very abstract.
Wouldn't most people be mortified at repeating hurting their baby and want too actively stop it?

Maybe overtired or as you said distracted.

i went through a very clumsy phase and I really had to work on slowing down and being considered in how I take up space.

actual doing yoga helped as I go much better at proprioception.
if he’s a distracted a sloppy/floppy person he needs to slow down and build routine in how he does daily task.

But that’s on him. This level of disregard for you child’s existence in his personal space is not on and you are absolutely correct to be worried about a larger accident

I think get someone to take DC for an afternoon and have a serious do or die conversation about it. He’s not taking your seriously enough

I'm sure driving instructors have seen and experienced it all.

@newmumabouttown - how does your dh react when your ds is crying in pain because of something he has done? You said in an earlier post that you had to comfort your ds when your dh trod on his foot - does that mean that he doesn't notice or care that his child is in pain due to his actions?

Maybe if he had to console and look after his child every time he hurt them, he might start to realise how much pain he's causing, and that he needs to change his behaviour.

Yes please do remember OP that all of the responsibility is on you. YOU have to learn strategies to improve things and YOU have to not react when he hurts you and your child. I utterly despair sometimes.

And again: he does not have a diagnosis, and seems unwilling to go down the road and obtaining one. So the OP cannot be expected to make allowances for his behaviour based upon Google and Mumsnet diagnoses. That is on him to sort.

And regardless of that, whether he does get a diagnosis or not (and indeed, whether the OP’s son gets a diagnosis or not-and interest use of emotional manipulation there by the way), no diagnosis makes it acceptable for one person to repeatedly hurt another.

This is what keeps me trapped. It is an important issue. Can you (OP) get legal advice?

Yes, as a responsible parent, I couldn't leave my DH in charge of preschoolers. Things like the chair pulled up to a hot stove and losing toddlers in public if he had them for a second were just too scary. Not worth the risk. I still get shudders and feel a bit furious when I think about it and they're pretty grown now.

We still get some crazy things (not things relating to the children) and I recently raised some concerns that resulted in a full workup with a neurologist with concerns of possible early onset dementia. He was all clear, still ADHD.

This ⬆️

My dh was like this when my dd was around the same age - it was exhausting as I could never really take my eye off my dd. It got to a point where I said I couldn't leave him as carer. That kinda broke him and forced him to do better risk assessments/ anticipating stuff. It took me ages to build up trust in him again

Tell him he needs to be more aware of his surroundings and more cautious especially around your DS. Think and check before he acts. Does he rush around a lot in a hurry? I'd be fuming, odd accident fair enough but not constant like this with a baby.

It's important to get a diagnosis to each person for different reasons, even if it doesn't change anything.

I mentioned on another post that before my diagnosis of autism, which isn't a treatable or curable condition by any stretch, I was labelled alsorts of things: Drama queen, primadonna, crazy, selfish, controlling, bitchy, cagey, etc.

After my diagnosis I was just labelled autistic.

Where people criticised my shortcomings they were able to muster some empathy instead and my self esteem stopped being through the floor because I knew myself better.

My self esteem being through the floor and being told I "just wasn't trying hard enough" was what stopped me seeking a diagnosis in the first place. I can imagine that would stop a lot of people getting a diagnosis if they just felt it was some sort of personal failing that they could beat out of themselves.

My family could research my neurodevelopmental disorder and put strategies in place rather than shout me down for struggling and causing an inconvenience to everyone else.

Externally the only support you're likely to be offered for dyspraxia is OT, and that is hard enough to get for people just recently discharged from hospital or the elderly so I wouldn't bet on that being a realistic option, but if you and your husband understand the disability better, you can both start working on strategies together, but be mindful that what works for some won't work for others, and at the same time, it's important to try and teach your child not to put their fingers in things and accept the possibility that perhaps your child also lacks spacial awareness to a degree larger than his peer group too so you need strategies for both your child and your husband.

Most men lack spatial awareness, first day out after my major surgery I was knocked into the road by a man walking fast down the road towards me, nearly ran over by a car and backed into by a big man with a pushchair. I went home. I just didn't feel safe.

Sure, but you need to include the clarification that something was accidental or you are misrepresenting the action and intent (of DH in this case). That’s all I’m saying.

Exactly - if you know the cause of the clumsiness you can learn the strategies to improve things which will differ, depending on the root cause.

Assuming someone just isn’t trying hard enough and losing your temper with them is guaranteed to make any genuine issue worse. It comes down to whether the OP wants to solve the problem or be proved right.

Similarly, I have ADHD and am not clumsy at all (or have any issues with spacial awareness, which I don't think is an ADHD issue anyway as loads of top sportspeople have ADHD and you need excellent reflexes and spacial awareness for that) and have never been inattentive with my own children. As the OP says - I'm not sure how helpful it actually is to label her DH as neurodiverse (which only a qualified professional could do anyway). The thing is to try and deal with the problem that's been presented to us. The main issue to me is that her DH doesn't seem that bothered that he's hurting her or their child.

Read the OPs actual posts.

We have no idea what effort the DH is putting in because the OP hasn’t told us. All she has said is that she assumes he isn’t trying hard enough because the problem hasn’t gone away. Would you assume somebody visually impaired wasn’t trying hard enough if they couldn’t see as well as you? Or would you assume there was a problem which needed specific help?

She isn’t seeing a psychologist about her DH’s clumsiness - its in her posts, she is seeing the psychologist about a completely unrelated work issue. The likelihood of this person also being an expert in dyspraxia, sight depth perception issues or any of the other neurological issue correlating with clumsiness is minimal.

She says in her posts that she has already decided its not dyspraxia, despite being unqualified to form that opinion. She also says in her posts that she frequently loses her temper with him over the issue - a strategy guaranteed to make the problem much worse if it is dyspraxia or similar disorder.

Lets wind forward 15-20 years. The DS is now a young adult man who is clumsy and struggling to avoid bumping in to things and people. The OP posts describing losing her temper with her now adult DS because he is clumsy, just like his father and aunt, having decided that his clumsiness is all his own fault because “she has read about it”.

What impact is that temper going to have on the DS’s ability to improve his dexterity and what advice do you give to the OP in that situation? Do you assume the DS is abusive and doesn’t care about people or do you advise that he should seek investigation for a cause and strategies to help?

I’ve often posted on MN that the bar for men is low enough that slug couldn’t limbo underneath it but sometimes the women need to take some accountability as well.

It’s not about labelling though OP. A diagnosis (if appropriate) helps someone understand themselves and facilitates the development of everyday strategies that can help.

Awareness of one’s body in space -proprioception - can often be associated with poor balance. Improving balance can really help with this. Standing on one leg test is an easy assessment for balance.
Can he ride a bike? Did I take him a long time to learn to do that? Can he swim? All of these are balance Qs.
This must be such a worrying situation for you.

But that’s not the point. An action can be constant even if it’s classed as accidental. So my point still stands. I would also shout if someone kept hitting me or hurting me regardless of whether they, I or anyone else classed it as accidental.