Husband keeps having accidents with 15mo

Oh boy, someone's being watching too much Miss Marple. Don't be utterly ridiculous 🙄

Yes, this!
Been driving manual cars for 40 years now… have never punched anyone ever whilst changing gear! As PP said, the layout of cars makes sure this doesn’t happen, and the majority of cars are bigger now than when I had my first tiny Mini back in my early days of driving.
I wouldn’t be happy with this at all… I keep thinking of a scenario of a jealous older child hating a new baby and “things keep happening” to the baby…

Strange, that. Almost like he's benefiting from plausible deniability 'My hand slipped', 'It's not my fault the toddler stuck his hands in the way', 'It's his fault for being there', 'I've had to look after the kid for three days and then pick you up from lazing around in bed like a princess, of course my hand turned into a fist, slipped and landed with the speed and force of a punch into your wound site, why are you always picking on me?'.

ETA: DP definitely struggles with knowing where his body is in space. He has scars on his arms from getting food out of the oven, he's broken his foot by dropping his phone on it (in a heavy duty case because he drops them), he's terminated several small electrical appliances from accidents, there's a burn in the kitchen flooring across from a tear and there are a lot of odd plates/none of our cups or glasses match - other than those made of plastic or metal. Not one injury to me, cats or children.

It's not really relevant though to have an answer to this.

You can have issues with proprioception and that doesn't automatically equate to injuring yourself equally or moreso than causing accidental injuries to others. For some this is how it migut present but not for everyone. It doesn't mean it is an intentional act of violence.

Aside from the occasional bump to my head getting in and out of the car I have never broken one of my own bones, or required hospitalisation. I might have trapped my own finger in something, spilled food down myself, knocked cups or plates over but not caused significant injury to myself.

I have however broken other peoples toes by simply walking, bumped into people, thrown things too hard, tripped people up, accidentally hit when I've stretched, and turned into other people because it's not just about the inability to process space between yourself and your limbs but between your limbs and other objects or people.

It also isn't on other peoples radar how often these issues affect me as an individual. Nobody would blink if I spilled tea down me, or opened a cupboard door into my face. It just wouldn't register unless they were ever present and it's not something that needs announcing either to make other people aware.

OP has said hes always been clumsy and his sister is exactly the same.

There's no malicious intent here.

@newmumabouttown I don't think it really matters why he's doing it op. The fact is that your child isn't safe around him and you were injured by him after surgery. He's doing nothing to improve the situation either. Why is he not doing everything he can to childproof your home and also making a gp appointment for himself?

That’s quite strange then, I know dyspraxia and other issues show up in people differently but if he had poor spatial awareness/poor attention I’d expect he would have done things like broken his toe on a stool or walked into a door (don’t even ask!) or fallen off kerbs or dropped plates etc - all of which I’ve done!

Struggling to understand how his accidents only involve other people getting hurt.

Either way, even if I accept thats just the way his accidents presents it’s still concerning his reaction to it.

I may be misunderstanding this- but from what you’ve shared it doesn’t sound as if he’s very sorry or desperate to change Op. I think that’s quite unsettling and even cruel.

Are you worried about his lack of care and empathy?

That can’t be explained by ND.

I had a play pen or travel cot in most rooms i could pop dc into if I needed to do something ( or stop siblings hitting each other). Mine were never allowed in kitchen, we had a gate over half that had appliances

I do hope that the op answers the pp's question about whether he's hurting himself as well as others , because this looks suspiciously like he's injuring his wife and child frequently which is a huge concern.

Edited to acknowledge that op has answered this question.

The thing is, family members are often in closer proximity and in situations where it’s easier to misjudge things. I’m much more likely to accidentally knock DH in bed than when walking down the street, as the mattress has an effect on my coordination. I’m not usually in that situation with colleagues (although I’ve been known to walk into people or accidentally knock them when reaching for something.)

My dyspraxic 18 yr old always played in goal. It was the one time his ability to fall over without hurting himself (because he was so used to falling over) actually helped him!

This does sound like dyspraxia, esp as his sister is clumsy too. Regardless you both need to work together to prevent DS getting injured. If it is dyspraxia your DS could have it too, in which case will you get rid of him if he starts injuring you?

A therapist is in no position to diagnose, especially anything like dyspraxia. A therapist is there to help you make sense of it and manage your feelings and reactions to it.

You talk about him like he is doing this on purpose. So I think you receiving support in managing your feelings around is probably a good idea.

I suspect it is more he doesn't TRY to be present and safety conscious. He doesn't seem to have it on his radar whatsoever, not just as a parent but also as a caring partner

Based on his responses I feel it’s this too @newmumabouttown An accident is an accident, irrespective of dyspraxia etc or not - but you’d expect upset and regret over all these accidents which injure the two people he’s supposed to love most in the world.

As pp have asked - is he injuring himself a lot too? He claims he’s accident prone - what accidents has he had?

OP, I don't think you have answered any of the people who asked whether your husband regularly injures himself or only other people such as yourself and your child. So what is the answer to that question?

I would love to know the answer to this as well. Does he go around “accidentally” hitting other people of his acquaintance or is it just limited to the OP?

Interesting. Because men across the world manage to hold down jobs that require significant levels of skill, care, attention and awareness, and yet you don’t think a man is capable of not trapping his son’s fingers in doors or stepping on his wife’s toes continuously? Please raise your bar.

Exactly I was just coming on to say the same.

I’m dyspraxic and because I’m aware of my spatial awareness and coordination issues. I’m especially careful around people especially babies and small children. And I’d be horrified if I kept harming anyone’s child let alone my own .

If anything the only person I hurt occasionally is myself.

I have EDS and ADHD (a very common co-morbidity) so there was no way I could escape dyspraxia. It's definitely worth pursuing professional help - not in order to put a label on it but because understanding the root of the problem can help you know the best way to treat it. I'm medicated for the ADHD but it hasn't helped the dyspraxia. I'm currently recovering from (another) fractured ankle.

That's not the first and won't be the last broken bone. It happens pretty regularly and actually this is good news, because obviously I would rather I hurt myself than anyone else, but there's no way I would do it on purpose. It's different for everyone though. As an example, I'm an extremely good driver and can squeeze a car into any spot that most drivers would dtruggle to manage (uncommon with dyspraxia), but I was a nightmare with a pram. Found that so difficult. My husband and I can walk down the same (seemingly secure and stable) path, both in walking shoes, where he doesn't even have to watch where he's going but I will go flying and have to navigate it like Bambi on the ice. My feet just will not hold to it the way his will. It's very strange. I also regularly find I've misjudged my proprioception while changing gear and my hand can fly off in any direction and whack someone - my husband has never had this happen to him. I'm excellent at painting my nails but other fine motor skills such as applying eyeliner or even writing are a disaster. Sports requiring co-ordination are simply not an option, neither is dancing.

However, knowing dyspraxia is the problem does mean I spend plenty of effort in mitigating it. We deal with it as a family. I do my best to pay extra care and attention, we have always been very strong on teaching the children about avoiding hands in doors, watching their step, not putting cups and glasses near the edge of the table etc. My husband is excellent at helping me with it too, he is never impatient or annoyed because he sees that I genuinely do make the effort and that I clearly cannot help it sometimes. When we're doing work on our house he's always the one to veto installing steps if there's any way around it because he knows and accepts that I am likely to trip and fall, if we're walking on a surface he thinks could make me unstable he will usually notice before I have and will take my hand. He has got used to thinking around what could cause me problems. This is incredibly important because I already feel enough shame and self-loathing about this and shouting at me would definitely make things worse, not better. I would be absolutely horrified if he thought I didn't care or, even worse, were doing it on purpose.

Seeking an explanation doesn't mean a label that has to become your husband's whole personality but understanding what the problem is could help you both give each other a little bit of grace and kindness and could benefit your children too. Refusing to engage, on both sides, won't help anyone.

We got them from IKEA I think.

So right, so true.