Husband keeps having accidents with 15mo

As a passenger, I've had it happened to me a couple of times, with different drivers. Completely accidental. I don't think it's that implausible.

Oh for Gods sake Jessica Fletcher ! ! ! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Of course it matters if there is a specific cause because there are specific strategies to learn to work around some of these neurological problems.

And in this case its the woman losing her temper and telling the man to sort himself out and that there is nothing wrong with him and that he just doesn’t care about his child.

This is what I'm thinking, too. Surely you'd investigate?

Teaching children not to put their fingers in doors, on hot items, plug sockets etc as early as possible is good parenting irrespective of clumsy/dyspraxic adults in the home. Its not putting responsibility onto the child, its helping them to stay safe.

Oh look, another poster attempting to make a woman responsible for male behaviour. It actually does not matter whether or not he has any sort of diagnosis. No diagnosis makes it okay for one person to continually hurt another. The OP and her son should not be expected to put up with being hurt on a regular basis because some posters on the internet have attempted to diagnose a person they have never met in order to try and excuse his behaviour. Get a grip.

If he is like me I will often overshoot the gear stick. I do bang other people and walk into people a lot. The other day I got my finger inside one of the kids ears by accident - surprised us both! I also have a scar on my eyelid from where I jabbed it with my own short nail a few weeks ago. I hit it so hard I tore it. I had a forehead itch at the time. People do know I trip quite a lot but actually unless you know me well most people wouldn’t notice - I am a well paid professional and my kids all think I am super capable at all sorts and just treat the clumsy stuff as a quirk. One of them is a bit more ‘mum’ and a quite clumsy but they are more like dh. As such while it’s hard for people not like this to understand - this could just be him. The strategy of telling him to be careful just don’t work. I can go from reminding myself not to do something to doing it seamlessly.

I don't see how his hand can slip off the gear stick accidentally and punch your leg, did he do that on purpose?

Yes, I agree with this. A response to shutting anyone's fingers in the dishwasher shouldn't just be a casual 'oh, it was an accident'. And if these things keep happening, a competent and rational adult really should be able to recognise that they need to at least be curious about what might be going on, and be prepared to take steps if necessary.

What as stupid thing to say 🙄

My post above was supposed to quote this 🤦‍♀️
so … remember, OP doesn’t believe in adhd etc 🤷‍♀️

His peripheral vision might be poor. But my money is on dyspraxia because of a family member who is like this. He's an artist doing very detailed work but outside of that he's terribly accident prone.

I love the way you put all the responsibility on a small child not to get their fingers trapped and none on OP's DH. The bar for some men being a competent and safe parent is really low on here.

Ah but remember, OP doesn’t believe in adhd etc 🤷‍♀️

Sounds like he is rushing or not paying attention. Who doesn’t check for their child’s fingers before shutting the dishwasher, if they are right next to it? Why are you doing the comforting when he caused it? He should be more careful and then confronted with the consequences when he isn’t.

It’s not “they”, it’s your husband as an individual. My husband is a really conscientious parent.

The gear stick in manual cars is right next to the passenger's leg. I don't see what's implausible about that.

Would you have been upset if you kept hurting your child? I assume that you would but OP's DH doesn't seem to care. He keeps regularly trapping his small child's fingers, which is really painful for them, but he doesn't seem bothered.

Did you miss the part about him constantly stepping on the OP’s toes and “accidentally” hitting her?

Where do you get that from?

The OP says he does care but she is assuming that because he hasn’t managed to rectify the situation he doesn’t care enough. The OP also says she frequently loses her temper with him and has decided via Doctor Google than he isn’t dyspraxic, despite describing lots of classic issues that arise with dyspraxia. Nor does the OP say he has refused to get help or do anything about it - in her opinion its just not enough.

Its enough to make anyone lose confidence, especially if someone is dyspraxic and being shouted at and told its all just their lack of caring enough for their child.

The man needs to see someone to be assessed, especially if its a family trait. Then if it is dyspraxia or similar he can start to learn the strategies used to manage it better and the OP needs to understand that losing your temper with a dyspraxic actually makes them clumsier not better.

presuming that you would know if he was abusive and that this is not a type of normal unkind behaviour then I would look again at the dyspraxia and adhd - inattentive behaviours can be the signature so even if you think it over diagnosed it could well explain your partner and his sister. As the football - hmmm you can do ok with dyspraxia but tend to end up in goal as you are never great. I am the same. Have done all sorts to the kids overtime. Fired them out of buggies I never strapped them into, knocked them over and all sorts of other disasters. I left them behind In places and locked them in and me out etc I am a very attentive parent but am the same with myself and everything around me. DH is a careful type who never looses anything - he fortunately understands that my best is still a bit shit. I did care though and often tried to implement this to stop repeat issues - often unsuccessfully. I didnt feel guilty or upset - I am very tough after a lifetime of walloping myself so unless there is a break or something can’t be steristripped wouldn’t bother that much. As a default position I can see how different this was to dh’s. If he is like me you are going to need much better communication together - I do marvel at how a person like DH tolerates me as he would never leave the iron or hob on or the front door open or throw the keys in the bin but actually he doesn’t tolerate me he loves me and so he should - I am also great. Practically your relationship can’t withstand contempt and that seems to be building in your feelings towards DH.

Does he need glasses?
Otherwise dyspraxia as others have mentioned.
Or extreme lack if spacial awareness.
Has he always been like this or suddenly got worse?
Becuase some medical conditions can cause this.

Colleagues probably don’t put their fingers in a cupboard hinge or dishwasher when he’s about to close the door though.

You do need to be more careful with small children about and it sounds like that is more difficult than usual for him. It is something that he needs to work on, OP is absolutely right there.

Dismissing things like dyspraxia as even a possibility isn’t that helpful though.

My DS is 13 and is dyspraxic and has ADHD (there is a huge overlap and the same medication helps both).
He bumps into people and things and crucially when he's learning something he needs to be reminded to look at what he's doing. I can completely see him bashing someone because he was not looking where he was putting his hands, and I've seen him do this. It's like he doesn't really know that in order to get your hands to do what you are trying to do, you have to look at them as well.
He's not sporty, but loves active games - he plays football in breaks at school but was aged out of the youngest group at football training so he would have been too old for that group but not skilled enough for the next group. However, he also plays another sport (just for fun) and copes well enough to have fun though he'll never be competitive.
If his sister is like this too (it's genetic) I'd put my money on that.

No he's a moron if he's managed to shut the child's fingers in more than one hinge/door.
Do it once ... Accident.
After that he should be hyper vigilant to ensure the little hands are no where in the way.

If that means he picks child up or gets them well out of the way then so be it..for him not to realise that himself is the concern.

Maybe you simply need to teach him to do a check where the little ones hands are before he does things that potentially dangerous. And that's a lot more than just shutting things.