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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not invited to my boyfriends surprise birthday party

458 replies

Becwi · 28/05/2025 07:20

My boyfriends 40th Birthday is coming up shortly.
I Had messaged his mum to see if she had organised something, however after not hearing back after a few days presumed she hadn’t. So I organised a surprise to do something and invite along lots of his friends, She messaged me back 2 weeks later and said yes, on the date I had planned too. I explained that because I hadn’t heard back I’d planned something.
Shes then rang my boyfriend shouting about it, not once confronted me about it.
I said don’t worry I’ll cancel what I’d planned to stop any drama and caused arguments with me and my boyfriend.
so fast forward 6 days before, I get a message from his friends girlfriend asking me what I’m wearing, what the plans are after his party. I know nothing about this party!
i haven’t mentioned it to my boyfriend because I don’t want to ruin his birthday, upset him or cause drama.
AIBU for being so annoyed and so upset about no invitation?

OP posts:
Mix56 · 28/05/2025 18:12

This woman is deliberately being difficult.
You either just go too, or veto, & tell him his mother is deliberately snobbing you, & there is no way you are going to be able to go now.
So happy 40th, have a nice evening.

Then go completely no contact with her

OfficerChurlish · 28/05/2025 18:09

He had already asked for something to be planned for him as a surprise.

He specifically asked his mum to plan something for his fortieth, rather than asking you or saying in general that he'd like it?

Like a PP, I assumed he lived with his mum. Otherwise, I guess if they are very close it's maybe not all that weird that she'd host his party, especially if it mainly involves family and if she has the space and you don't. But she obviously needs to invite his girlfriend (you), and to communicate a lot better; planning a surprise party is hard work, no slacking!!

It doesn't sound like this is going to be much of a surprise, with all the shouting and all. Is she normally horrible/horrible to you?

CatherinedeBourgh · 28/05/2025 18:06

I'm slightly baffled. Just act like one unit with your bf, show up with him where and when he is told he is supposed to. Wouldn't that be absolutely natural?

SparklyGlitterballs · 28/05/2025 17:59

So why don't you just ask the friend's girlfriend for the details? This is all so ridiculous.

Actually your bf sounds almost as bad as his mother. If he goes to this birthday surprise and you're not in attendance - despite you having told him multiple times you're excluded and him not wanting to talk about it - then I'd seriously reconsider the relationship, as he's not having your back in this situation.

AthWat · 28/05/2025 17:44

Scarfitwere · 28/05/2025 17:43

But how will he know what to do and where to go for this surprise party? 🤔 something doesn't make sense here.

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I presume they'll tell him on the day, which they both know to keep free. And then they can both go. Why does she need to know any more than that?

Scarfitwere · 28/05/2025 17:43

Becwi · 28/05/2025 08:32

All he knows is just to keep the day free. He has no other details.

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But how will he know what to do and where to go for this surprise party? 🤔 something doesn't make sense here.

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/05/2025 17:41

RampantIvy · 28/05/2025 17:30

Tell your boyfriend she is doing this and see what he says.

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This.

And if he plans on going to this 'surprise' do without you, I'd be kicking him to the kerb. Seriously. He should have sorted this all out by now, that he hasn't speaks volumes.

RampantIvy · 28/05/2025 17:30

Becwi · 28/05/2025 17:08

I’ve tried calling her today and she just keeps cancelling calls.

Tell your boyfriend she is doing this and see what he says.

NormalMeh · 28/05/2025 17:30

And it is your boyfriend who needs to be calling his mother and texting her all day long until he gets a proper answer as to why you are not invited. That’s what a decent partner would do.

NormalMeh · 28/05/2025 17:27

You need to run a mile from this man and his mother. They are both behaving so weirdly.

Itiswhysofew · 28/05/2025 17:26

Wouldn't you just assume you're invited, not needing a formal invitation? Hope so.

Fetafettish · 28/05/2025 17:24

Very, very rude. Beyond rude it’s a nasty insult to you.

Enough4me · 28/05/2025 17:23

OP you have a partner issue. Instead of telling her that she's being unreasonable and telling her to fix things with you he's letting things fester.

Catwalking · 28/05/2025 17:20

Speaking as a M of a nearly 40yr DS, I wouldn’t dream of laying down the law about how he or his GF would want to entertain themselves for his B’day. But I wasn’t a young M haha.
I hope this all blows over & every1 enjoys themselves 🍰

Glowingup · 28/05/2025 17:19

Becwi · 28/05/2025 17:08

I’ve tried calling her today and she just keeps cancelling calls.

So is your boyfriend going to go to the party or not? Is the mum refusing to tell him when and where it is?

sandyhappypeople · 28/05/2025 17:17

Is he actually going to go to this surprise that his mum has organised? Even though she is purposely stopping you from attending?

I don't know a single person who would do this to their long term partner.

Jollyhockeystickss · 28/05/2025 17:17

Why the hell are you still with this man, seriously

Wheresthebeach · 28/05/2025 17:16

Sorry OP but this is absurd. If your boyfriend should deal with his mother.

Original poster
Becwi · 28/05/2025 17:08

I’ve tried calling her today and she just keeps cancelling calls.

OP posts:
Glowingup · 28/05/2025 17:02

This is such a weird thread. So your boyfriend won’t be attending his surprise party then? In which case surely you won’t go either? Or if he is going to it, then tag along with him to wherever he has been told to go (the pub, his mums house, whatever) and be there when everyone jumps out.

Hatty65 · 28/05/2025 16:58

I'd text his mum now to say, 'Quick heads up, Janet. Unless I get confirmation from you by 9am tomorrow morning about what time/date/location and event you have planned for Jim's birthday surprise then I'll be taking him out for the day, just the two of us for a romantic time. Cheers, @Becwi '

Bet she responds to that one!

WilfredsPies · 28/05/2025 16:54

SmoothRoads · 28/05/2025 14:30

I had not read it correctly. I stand corrected. Still weird the mom yelled at her son over something his girlfriend had arranged.

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Agreed, completely weird, especially as she hadn’t bothered replying to the OP’s message.

OP, I think his mum is annoyed with you for thinking that she wouldn’t organise anything. Undeservedly so, because she should have replied to you. But I think that’s why she shouted at your DP. I also think that’s why you haven’t heard from her. She’s got the hump with you. I think she’s working on the basis that you’ll find out the details the same time he does and that all you need to know for now is to keep that date free.

Hecatoncheires · 28/05/2025 16:48

OP, why can you not just accompany your boyfriend to his surprise party? Or will he be at his mum's so she can take him there? It all sounds utterly bizarre.

Bumcake · 28/05/2025 16:45

Birdseyetrifle · 28/05/2025 16:17

And the OP has said numerous times that she refuses to respond to messages etc

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To texts, yes. Not calls.

Bumcake · 28/05/2025 16:44

Canarybutterdaisy · 28/05/2025 16:38

Why don't you pick up the phone and call? Or pop round? Or ask the friend/gf who reached out to you?

This has now been suggested 53 times. No answer is forthcoming.

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