Not invited to my boyfriends surprise birthday party

Could of planned it together save all this hassle .

He’s 40 and his mother organises his parties. Does she do his washing as well?

This!

I’d be telling DP to go to the party and I’d be removing every trace of myself from his life! This sounds like a very odd set up!

She is being really weird. Well done for telling bf. You didnt have any choice it was getting ridiculous

At this point just focus on enjoying yourself at the party the MIL organised. You can get details from the friend or be with bf when he goes wherever his mum tells him. It sounds like he's pleased she's actually sorted something so focus on his happiness. His mum is definitely acting strangely though by trying to interfere with plans, ignore you etc. I wouldn't trust her just play nice for this weekend for bf. I'd probably also have a well stocked fridge as a back up for an after party at yours though in case it's disappointing lol

How old are YOU? Do you have any children? Run away before this mummy's boy spoils your life totally.

What did your partner do then?

Poor communication seems to be at the root of all of this. Mil said she was doing a party but then didn’t communicate what she was doing. OP then pissed mil off by organising her own. Poor guy who is stuck in the middle of this.

She doesn’t like you very much does she!

Completely bizarre on so many levels. It’s great that he has supported you but very odd behaviour on the part of the mil particularly as this appears to have come from nowhere. What on earth did she think his reaction would be at a party without his significant other?!

Agreed. Sandwiched between 2 sources of misery

I also agree with PP to cease the drama, and stop badgering your bf as well. Just turn up with him on the day and enjoy yourself. I am not a Daddy or Mummy's girl by any measure but if all of this were going on between my parent and bf, I would hope they can settle it between themselves and not ruin my birthday any further for me. In fact I'd probably want my whole birthday called off by now.

I actually feel sorry for your partner. He wanted a surprise for his 40th, which a lot of us would like. Instead his mother is being an ass and his girlfriend has embroiled him in her problems with his mother instead of sorting it out herself. Now he has no surprise just a war going on.
Could you just not have gone round to see his mother? Or carried on with your own plans. It all seems very childish.

Your text was a prompt for MIL to organise something - so she did. I would have received your text as a reminder to do something..
You will not receive an invite because your MIL expects that you will be there along with boyfriend. Has he not shared the details with you?

Texting was your downfall.
You should have organised something yourselves.

You should always speak directly with others if their opinion really matters.

This is my theory. She hadn’t planned anything for him. Not a party, not a gift. She literally stole the idea from you and is doing a half-arsed version of the same thing. She doesn’t want to look bad, so can’t handle the thought of you being there. Tell BF you can reorganize party with his mates if he wants.

Can’t understand so much drama over a 40th.

Everyone here is being unreasonable here IMO - and your DBF set the tone by asking for a surprise birthday in the first place.

I would have just gone to the birthday that she already said she would host and not started making other plans. It’s obvious you are going to be there, goes without saying given the occasion and you are his partner of 3 years.

Stop bombarding her with messages and calls when it’s clear she doesn’t want to communicate, for whatever reason.

I don’t think it was helpful to add fuel by riling your DBF up about his DM but at least you are now trying to smooth things over.

That's the maddest MIL award right there. 😳

If that was the case she could respond to OP about the party which is the "red herring" rather than ignore her repeatedly, get upset when OP was trying to plan something else etc.

Don’t know how anyone is jumping to give advice on such an incredibly vague op. We are hardly getting one sentence answers, never mind proper explanations of what’s happening. Why’s the mil just ignoring her when they have a positive relationship? What’s the general context of all relationships? We are getting nothing to go off of here.

This is really bad form on the part of the future MIL.

A close friend of mine was having a baby with her DH. The MIL arranged a "baby shower" without my friend. She turned up anyway and the MIL had covered the whole living room with photos of her son, as a baby.

This future MIL sounds related.

Wow. She sounds crazy.

I think I would have just asked the friend's gf for the details and turned up.

As a MIL i cannot imagine arranging a party for my 40 year old son or daughter 🤦‍♀️

All sounds bizarre. I hope it gets sorted.

Good. Well done for telling him. Hopefully he will make the decision to take you out for the day instead of whatever his Mum planned.