Not invited to my boyfriends surprise birthday party

I thought I missed a post - no idea why you didn’t go with him to his party, but yes would consider it the end of the relationship.

All 3 of you behaved oddly, we can only learn from our own behaviour though.

That’s the right decision, OP. Get rid of him asap.

So after all of this, he's still proceeded to go, not insist you come or put his mother in her place?

Wow. I think you're right. Check out, focus on yourself x

Theres nothing else to say is there, hes chosen mummy not you, i wouldnt give him the time of day, just move on, if he contacts you i would text back 'ive moved on' and leave it at that,

Why didn't you go with him??

I don’t really understand the dynamic here. You’re his partner of three years, not a new GF. Why wouldn’t you just GO WITH HIM to the party?

If she had specifically said you aren’t welcome and he’s gone along with it then that is so far beyond normal behaviour from him that you should run very very fast.

@Codlingmoths OP said it was a family meal with friends as a surprise so her MIL should have been invited to a family meal!

it was going to be a quiet family meal to him but all of his friends were turning up too

One was a small friends celebration, the other is a party. If I organised dinner with some friends for my husband of over 15 years birthday I wouldn’t invite my mil either. If I were organising a party, of course I would.

How was she planning to surprise him? Surely you’d have been with him anyway?? Was it perhaps a surprise for you both? Just devils advocate here but it does sound awful especially her ignoring you!!!

Girl leave ! A 40 yo mammy's boy is just ick 🙈

I'm sorry but he's a grown man. His mother has no business organising his birthday party! Very weird dynamic op.

@Becwi Have you got any further forward with this?

When you organised the surprise you planned, did you message his mother to tell her the details, or did she find out about it from someone else and you hadn’t invited her? It’s not clear from your post. You said it was a small family gathering but had invited his friends too?

It seems odd if you’ve always gotten on well with her that she would just turn on you like this.

So I’m thinking either she was annoyed at you for organising something else when she wanted to do it (that’s on her though as she should’ve communicated when you first asked about it, instead of ignoring you). Or she found out you were organising something and hadn’t invited her.

Has your DP spoken to her further? Or has she contacted you yet?

Sounds spiteful of his mother and whilst probably thinking she is doing something nice she has probably ruined it for him

You asked if there was any arrangement and didn’t get a reply.

you then made arrangements and DID NOT INVITE HIS MUM/FAMILY.

Maybe if you’d informed her ‘as I’ve not heard I’m assuming there’s nothing arranged so I’ve arranged a small celebration - I’ll send you the details’ - this would not have escalated .

his mum then hears you’d made arrangements and kicked off .

you are now upset that his mum has done exactly what you were intending - not inviting the other person

You’re both as bad as each other

stop feeding the unnecessary drama. Get ready for the celebration and when he gets the details you arrive together.

it’s that simple

I feel sorry for the guy stuck between you and his mum

This all sounds very weird. Your partner told both you and his mum (no doubt also all his friends) he wanted a surprise party.
You obviously did not invite his mother to the event you organised but are angry she didn’t seemingly invite you to the one she organised.
You say you normally get on and have both helped each other through hard times, which must be fairly recent because you’ve only been together three years.
Honesty, you all need to speak to each other calmly and respectfully. It’s all already become a huge drama over a (non) surprise party your partner near demanded. This is ridiculous and childish behaviour from all three of you. You not popping round to speak to this person you purportedly get on with so you could plan something together, your DH and his mother for shouting at each other and you for effectively stirring from the sidelines and ‘telling’ the surprise.

Is he usually so passive if you are treated badly?

How??

Becwi
”he has and she said don’t worry about it “…..

and DP said: what do you mean? Isn’t Becwi invited? Why not? Don’t you like her? Well if you’re not inviting her I’m not going either? Up to you Mum!

I can’t believe you haven’t mentioned it to your boyfriend? If you can’t talk to him about incidents like this, how will you grow as a couple?

You can’t have been together more than a few months?

Has she not just assumed that given your his girlfriend and you know the date of the party you’ll be going anyway and don’t need a personal invite

Fucking hell, run like the wind.

I'm being deadly, deadly serious. If you are planning marriage and children with this man, your life will be MISERABLE. His mother is a controlling, manipulative, nasty piece of work. He is a mummy's boy who can't stand up to her and is happy to go with the path of least resistance, even if that leaves you in the shit.

Type "MIL" into the search box and have a look at all the dysfunctional MIL/DH relationships and how that's panning out for the wives and kids.

I can’t believe you’re even asking if you’re being unreasonable to be upset, I can only assume you’ve been gaslit for years by this MIL from hell or your boyfriend. OF COURSE you’re not being unreasonable - his mother is a total bitch. You should ring her up and ask her outright why you haven’t been invited and go from there. The only way to sort bullies is confront them. Good luck!! Ps. If your boyfriend doesn’t support you end it.

I guess if you join yourself at the hip for his birthday weekend then you'll end up going along anyway!