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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not invited to my boyfriends surprise birthday party

458 replies

Becwi · 28/05/2025 07:20

My boyfriends 40th Birthday is coming up shortly.
I Had messaged his mum to see if she had organised something, however after not hearing back after a few days presumed she hadn’t. So I organised a surprise to do something and invite along lots of his friends, She messaged me back 2 weeks later and said yes, on the date I had planned too. I explained that because I hadn’t heard back I’d planned something.
Shes then rang my boyfriend shouting about it, not once confronted me about it.
I said don’t worry I’ll cancel what I’d planned to stop any drama and caused arguments with me and my boyfriend.
so fast forward 6 days before, I get a message from his friends girlfriend asking me what I’m wearing, what the plans are after his party. I know nothing about this party!
i haven’t mentioned it to my boyfriend because I don’t want to ruin his birthday, upset him or cause drama.
AIBU for being so annoyed and so upset about no invitation?

OP posts:
Houseofpainjumparound · 01/06/2025 14:05

Perhaps mummy kidnapped and married him off overnight....

Codlingmoths · 01/06/2025 13:55

Becwi · 01/06/2025 11:25

Just quick update. He went to the party, even though he said he was annoyed that I wouldn’t be there. So far no contact for 22 hours!
think I’ll check out of this relationship and concentrate on myself!

I’d be done. Gone as fast as feasibly possible. Nothing to discuss, no need to talk at all except for the practical dividing of joint things/names off bills.

Ohnobackagain · 01/06/2025 13:45

@Becwi even without the rest of it, I don’t get why he didn’t just say ‘I’m assuming because you know I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years that the invite includes Becwi and that’s why you didn’t think she needed a specific invite, especially as she contacted you previously as she was planning something before but changed it’. Otherwise he has just let her get away with it. And in that case, as you and others have said, it doesn’t seem like you’re seen as significant in his life. It is just weird!

MyCyanReader · 01/06/2025 13:37

Becwi · 01/06/2025 11:25

Just quick update. He went to the party, even though he said he was annoyed that I wouldn’t be there. So far no contact for 22 hours!
think I’ll check out of this relationship and concentrate on myself!

This is utterly bizarre.

Surely the call to say where he has to go was an invitation for BOTH of you to go together?

I don't understand why you didn't just go.

But no contact in 24 hours now is equally bizarre. Have they taken his phone off him???

I'd be contemplating ending the relationship if he can't be bothered to stand up for you.

Or is there more to it than this?

Original poster
Becwi · 01/06/2025 13:29

PopcornKitten · 01/06/2025 13:27

I’m so sorry, OP. I think you did the right thing by not going. Who wants to go somewhere where they’re not wanted and with people who won’t advocate for them?
I know that you’re viewing this as the end of the relationship but is there any way back? Has he explained the u turn? Did he feel obliged to go and will now set boundaries or is he really that spineless?
if it really is over, I hope it’s relatively straightforward for you to sort things out re:accommodation etc.

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I’ve still not heard or seen him since yesterday lunchtime

OP posts:
PopcornKitten · 01/06/2025 13:27

Becwi · 01/06/2025 11:25

Just quick update. He went to the party, even though he said he was annoyed that I wouldn’t be there. So far no contact for 22 hours!
think I’ll check out of this relationship and concentrate on myself!

I’m so sorry, OP. I think you did the right thing by not going. Who wants to go somewhere where they’re not wanted and with people who won’t advocate for them?
I know that you’re viewing this as the end of the relationship but is there any way back? Has he explained the u turn? Did he feel obliged to go and will now set boundaries or is he really that spineless?
if it really is over, I hope it’s relatively straightforward for you to sort things out re:accommodation etc.

Bonsaibaby · 01/06/2025 13:22

So when he’d had the call did you not talk about it then? You just both were silent while he went and got ready?

Jollyhockeystickss · 01/06/2025 13:21

Becwi · 01/06/2025 13:14

Honestly, I do not know. Things were great, we’d been out for breakfast having a lovely chilled day. Then he came outside to tell me he’d just got off the phone to his mum telling him to be ready in an hour and he got ready and left.

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Poeple will treat you like a doormat for as long as you let them, he thinks he can treat you like this and you will be ok

RealEagle · 01/06/2025 13:19

Becwi · 01/06/2025 13:14

Honestly, I do not know. Things were great, we’d been out for breakfast having a lovely chilled day. Then he came outside to tell me he’d just got off the phone to his mum telling him to be ready in an hour and he got ready and left.

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Your worth more than this .

Original poster
Becwi · 01/06/2025 13:14

RealEagle · 01/06/2025 13:07

I thought he had your back when you told him about her ignoring your calls ,what happened?

Honestly, I do not know. Things were great, we’d been out for breakfast having a lovely chilled day. Then he came outside to tell me he’d just got off the phone to his mum telling him to be ready in an hour and he got ready and left.

OP posts:
RealEagle · 01/06/2025 13:07

I thought he had your back when you told him about her ignoring your calls ,what happened?

Mix56 · 01/06/2025 13:05

Wow, That's kind of ended your relationship, he didn't even contact you after 22 hours, knowing the lead up to this.
As for his Mother, Something must have changed for her to have done this deliberately. She has set this up to make waves & she has managed it perfectly, as for your lily livered bf ? Well not much to like really

RealEagle · 01/06/2025 13:03

I can’t believe he went in his own,what a prick .Tell him to fuck off you are worth more than this.You have had a lucky escape from him and his mother.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 01/06/2025 12:21

There's no place for you in that family OP, his mum's actions said it and his nonaction confirmed it.

Sad as that may be, the positive is you can walk away and start afresh with someone with a backbone.

Leave them to it.

LushLemonTart · 01/06/2025 12:12

Lucky escape @Becwi . Awful though.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 01/06/2025 12:11

Timeforyetanothernamechange · 01/06/2025 12:07

That would be it for me and his bags would be packed for coming home. I can't believe he went without you. My husband wouldn't have gone or we'd have gone together. On the plus side, you can now see what he and his family are like and you're better off out of it. Lucky escape I think. You deserve more.

Absolutely!

Timeforyetanothernamechange · 01/06/2025 12:07

That would be it for me and his bags would be packed for coming home. I can't believe he went without you. My husband wouldn't have gone or we'd have gone together. On the plus side, you can now see what he and his family are like and you're better off out of it. Lucky escape I think. You deserve more.

thepariscrimefiles · 01/06/2025 12:03

Becwi · 01/06/2025 11:25

Just quick update. He went to the party, even though he said he was annoyed that I wouldn’t be there. So far no contact for 22 hours!
think I’ll check out of this relationship and concentrate on myself!

Good idea. He is a disloyal mummy's boy. I can't believe that he didn't take you with him to the party. You'll be better off without him.

DorothyStorm · 01/06/2025 12:01

Becwi · 01/06/2025 11:36

Because I think it would have caused an atmosphere there. And I wouldn’t have felt comfortable After her ignoring me. He got told an hour before when to be ready for.

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Wtf?! He went without you?! But i agree with others, you should have gone. Why didnt you go? What did he say when you refused to go?

NormalMeh · 01/06/2025 11:55

Becwi · 01/06/2025 11:25

Just quick update. He went to the party, even though he said he was annoyed that I wouldn’t be there. So far no contact for 22 hours!
think I’ll check out of this relationship and concentrate on myself!

That’s terrible. I don’t know you, but am pretty sure you deserve better than this.

StealthMama · 01/06/2025 11:52

Wow. This is mad. I do t think you have a choice but to end it, he and they have shown you what kind of family they are. Dont disbelieve it.

I

strawlight · 01/06/2025 11:47

So the mother in law won.

Slow hand clap, OP

TwistedWonder · 01/06/2025 11:45

TBH you all sound as dramatic as each other and the whole thing is ridiculous behaviour from grown adults.

But yes ending it is best thing as you’re all contributing to the toxic drama.

HoldmecloseTonyDanza · 01/06/2025 11:40

I realise his mother's behaviour is batshit shitty, but I really don't understand why you didn't go with him?

BuckChuckets · 01/06/2025 11:37

Becwi · 01/06/2025 11:36

Because I think it would have caused an atmosphere there. And I wouldn’t have felt comfortable After her ignoring me. He got told an hour before when to be ready for.

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What a horrible man he is, I'm sorry, OP. I think you've without doubt made the right decision to end things!