Page 3 | Not invited to my boyfriends surprise birthday party

Becwi · 2025-05-28T06:20:53+00:00

My boyfriends 40th Birthday is coming up shortly. I Had messaged his mum to see if she had organised something, however after not hearing back after a few days presumed she hadn’t. So I organised a surprise to do something and invite along lots of his friends, She messaged me back 2 weeks later and said yes, on the date I had planned too. I explained that because I hadn’t heard back I’d planned something. Shes then rang my boyfriend shouting about it, not once confronted me about it. I said don’t worry I’ll cancel what I’d planned to stop any drama and caused arguments with me and my boyfriend. so fast forward 6 days before, I get a message from his friends girlfriend asking me what I’m wearing, what the plans are after his party. I know nothing about this party! i haven’t mentioned it to my boyfriend because I don’t want to ruin his birthday, upset him or cause drama. AIBU for being so annoyed and so upset about no invitation?

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 01/06/2025 20:06

@PopcornKitten I know that you’re viewing this as the end of the relationship but is there any way back? Has he explained the u turn? Did he feel obliged to go and will now set boundaries or is he really that spineless? are you for real???? how can you possibly think there would be any way back from this shitty behaviour????

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 01/06/2025 20:01

@Becwi omg! he was obviously warned by his mother not to tell you and he kept it really quiet!!! cannot believe the bastard just upped and left to go and get ready and just told you he had to go!! what an evil mother and what a wuss of an (ex) boyfriend!!! you have had a lucky escape!!

Original poster

Becwi · 01/06/2025 19:41

At the minute feeling completely heartbroken. Once my daughter is home tomorrow I’m sure I’ll feel a little better (she’s from previous relationship)

OP posts:

StealthMama · 01/06/2025 19:06

Well done OP. Make no mistake, it might be 3 yrs but it could have been 20 of this bullshit. Trust me I did 7. Ugh.

ButItWasNotYourFaultButMine · 01/06/2025 18:51

Well done, OP.

What a sorry excuse of a 'man' to treat you that way because his mummy didn't want you to come.

Circless · 01/06/2025 18:33

What a 40 year old loser he is.
Why on earth would you spend another minute on him.
She's welcome to him.

You mind yourself OP, he's honestly no loss.

jenny38 · 01/06/2025 18:27

Hope you are ok OP, this has been a tough weekend. Either he didn't stand up to his mum, because he never has historically, or he didn't want to. Neither are ok. Presuming he hasn't disclosed a traumatic childhood with his mum in the centre of the tale.
I'm usually one to say work things through, but I think you have made the right decision.

JustSawJohnny · 01/06/2025 17:27

Becwi · 01/06/2025 15:19

This is exactly what I messaged and apparently it’s a shitty message, he finally got round to messaging 30 mins ago.
I just said obviously my feelings are invalid and this relationship is pointless. His stuff will be in the shed for him to pick up

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Well done, OP.

Leave him with his bitch of a Mother and move on.

I'm sure they'll be very happy together.

Picoloangel · 01/06/2025 17:07

It may not feel like it now but you’ve had a lucky escape. What a horrible man and a really rude and awful mother. Thank your lucky stars that you’re out. A mother like that would be a complete blight on your relationship going forward. Imagine if you’d had kids! Ugh.
Nope, you deserve better. It’s been a horrible lesson to learn but long term it’s for the best. Hope you’re ok. 💐

Bigcat25 · 01/06/2025 16:33

Canarybutterdaisy · 01/06/2025 15:56

He's an arsehole. He had so many options, he could have told his mum in advance he wouldn't go without you having the details and an invite, he could have given his friends a heads up and stayed put, he could have popped round with you so you could talk it out before.

He was all talk before and he's done something insensitive, pathetic and humiliating for you. You can do better.

Good post. Talking it with his mom before would have been a sensible way to handle it, but he proved incapable of doing that. I wonder if his mum wants him to stay single so he's not pulled away to a new family.

PopcornKitten · 01/06/2025 16:11

burnoutbabe · 01/06/2025 15:51

My mother in law organised a party for my partners 40th when we were up there visiting -sn excuse to see all his local, to them but not us, relatives.

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Yep, same here. MIL organised a surprise 40th without me or the children in attendance. But the main birthday surprise was another female relative for him to room share with. You can’t make this stuff up and there’s nought queer as folk!

Canarybutterdaisy · 01/06/2025 15:56

He's an arsehole. He had so many options, he could have told his mum in advance he wouldn't go without you having the details and an invite, he could have given his friends a heads up and stayed put, he could have popped round with you so you could talk it out before.

He was all talk before and he's done something insensitive, pathetic and humiliating for you. You can do better.

burnoutbabe · 01/06/2025 15:51

navelgazing · 28/05/2025 09:18

MIL's clear sabotage of OP aside, I've never heard of a mother organising her son's 40th?!?! Isn't it usually the other way round? He's 40 not 4!

My mother in law organised a party for my partners 40th when we were up there visiting -sn excuse to see all his local, to them but not us, relatives.

doneandone · 01/06/2025 15:44

Hope you're ok op. Sorry you're going through this. You deserve someone who'll put you first

Blessthismess2 · 01/06/2025 15:44

Omg immediately get rid of this man. What a horrible way to treat you. I’m sorry OP xx

Silvers11 · 01/06/2025 15:36

Who does the house belong to @Becwi? I don't blame you for telling him to get lost, but not sure if you live in the same house or already have separate homes?

nomas · 01/06/2025 15:33

Becwi · 01/06/2025 15:21

I have contacted him to express my feelings and his stuff is in the shed to pick up

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Glad to hear it, OP.

He told you your message was shitty?

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 01/06/2025 15:32

Well done OP, it's not easy but you're better off without him.

LaaLaaLady · 01/06/2025 15:23

Becwi · 01/06/2025 15:19

This is exactly what I messaged and apparently it’s a shitty message, he finally got round to messaging 30 mins ago.
I just said obviously my feelings are invalid and this relationship is pointless. His stuff will be in the shed for him to pick up

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Well done. Hope you're ok x

Original poster

Becwi · 01/06/2025 15:21

nomas · 01/06/2025 14:26

He’s waiting for you to contact so he can act like he didn’t just sell you down the river. Fuck him, block and delete him.

Do you have any of his stuff? Does he have any of yours?

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I have contacted him to express my feelings and his stuff is in the shed to pick up

OP posts:

Original poster

Becwi · 01/06/2025 15:19

PopcornKitten · 01/06/2025 14:30

He really is behaving like he doesn’t care.
or else he thinks it will all just be ok and you’ll knuckle down and be second fiddle to mummy forever.
you deserve more.
and that’s what you tell him, I loved you but I deserve more.
he is a man child.

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This is exactly what I messaged and apparently it’s a shitty message, he finally got round to messaging 30 mins ago.
I just said obviously my feelings are invalid and this relationship is pointless. His stuff will be in the shed for him to pick up

OP posts:

Greenkindness · 01/06/2025 15:14

I feel like the boyfriend should have stood up to his mum here and managed this situation. Plus he’s not been in touch? I’d be done with him.

NormalMeh · 01/06/2025 14:42

MyCyanReader · 01/06/2025 13:37

This is utterly bizarre.

Surely the call to say where he has to go was an invitation for BOTH of you to go together?

I don't understand why you didn't just go.

But no contact in 24 hours now is equally bizarre. Have they taken his phone off him???

I'd be contemplating ending the relationship if he can't be bothered to stand up for you.

Or is there more to it than this?

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The bizarre thing is that he didn’t ask OP to go with him. He trotted off to mummy’s party and disappeared into the ether.

PopcornKitten · 01/06/2025 14:30

Becwi · 01/06/2025 13:29

I’ve still not heard or seen him since yesterday lunchtime

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He really is behaving like he doesn’t care.
or else he thinks it will all just be ok and you’ll knuckle down and be second fiddle to mummy forever.
you deserve more.
and that’s what you tell him, I loved you but I deserve more.
he is a man child.

nomas · 01/06/2025 14:26

Becwi · 01/06/2025 13:29

I’ve still not heard or seen him since yesterday lunchtime

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He’s waiting for you to contact so he can act like he didn’t just sell you down the river. Fuck him, block and delete him.

Do you have any of his stuff? Does he have any of yours?