Not invited to my boyfriends surprise birthday party

That is so disrespectful on his part to first of all, allow his mother to treat you so badly and secondly leave you sitting at home while he went out. Surely he should have known how hurtful this would be for you!
Has he tried to contact you since he collected his things.

you are better off without him. At least you don’t have to see him on his 40th as you’ve already dumped him. I can’t believe he just left like that.

btw my DHs mum is utterly dreadful too. If I’d met her first I wouldn’t be with my DP (20 years together) as she literally hates me. So I would say to you lucky escape.

On DPs 40th his mum took him and sister and niece for a meal. I wasn’t invited and she knew I had plans for the actual day but they could have the meal any other day on the bank holiday. She texted me back and forth etc. So she picked midday on the actual day so I had to cancel all of my plans. My DP was really annoyed and didn’t even want to go but I told him it was fine and I wanted him to have a lovely time. Sadly he didn’t mum was rude (racist) to staff and ruined his day. He was utterly embarrassed and apologised to the staff after she left, especially as it’s a restaurant he likes and goes to for work regularly. He was relieved to get home and luckily our holiday I had planned for a few weeks later due to me expecting her to ruin it.

For his siblings 40th this year my DP tried to take sister out for a fancy afternoon tea, he never even got a response. So went around with a card and money and his mum arrived and blanked him so he left. Last month on his birthday she (well all of them) never even texted him happy birthday as she is an utter cow.

You honestly couldn’t make this crap up, I currently never want to speak to any of his family ever again.

I’ve luckily not had to speak to her, or have tons of random texts from her whilst drunk, for a couple of years now as she changed her number and told DP not to tell me it 🙏. she will be my MIL one day but she won’t be at the wedding.

Why did she not ask him on the day?

Because that would be akin to begging, "please please take me to the party"

Asking for information from a very evasive man
She knew where he was going and why he was doing that right in front of her.

She behaved with calm dignity in a difficult situation. It was the right thing to do.

It actually made it more awkward for him that she did that, and he couldn't use it as an excuse to have a row, or claim she tried to prevent him and turn up to the party with a Poor Me on my birthday face. She behaved like the adult he wasn't.

Plus who would want to invite themselves to a party where she knew she wasn't wanted and he didn't give a monkeys about that.

Ironically, people at the party may have already thought that he'd been dumped when he turned up without her and Mummy's role in the whole debacle would have been clear to everyone. Might have been a bit humiliating for him.

Fuck them both. Pair of twats.

This is a shitty situation .. 3 yrs together and just pushed out of your so called partners 40th.. the fact he has gone running makes him sound like a 4 yr old running to his party that mummy planned.
You should of been there by his side celebrating good on you for packing his things .
What a horrible mean thing to do to you you are worth so much more than this and his actions ... show him you are xx

Well done for ending the relationship and not putting yourself in a pick me situation versus his mum! He’s a massive man baby who has shown you who he is and you are far better off without him. Plus I wouldn’t want to be in the same room as his mother ever again so the relationship is never going to work long term now.

I'm really sorry about this and I hope you find someone better next time.

Well, @Becwi, he was apparently just paying lip service. I’m sorry that, after 3 years, he has treated you with such disrespect and disregard.

It is truly appalling that this 40 year old has obeyed his viper mummy and thrown you under the bus. She clearly has an agenda to exclude and insult you, and he has followed suit. I’m wondering if she invited an Ex of his or another female whom she hopes will interest him.

Kudos for definitively ending things with this spineless, disloyal loser.

Twats not that's

Im sorry you are in this position. It must be gutting.

But Why did you not discuss it with him whilst he was getting ready? Why didn't you ask him what he wanted you to do, should you come with him? Did he expect you to just sit at home? Honestly I think your behaviour in all this has also been odd - all of you in the situation are behaving strangely. If it was me I would have not just sat there whilst he got ready and left. But equally my DH wouldn't be even thinking about going to a party organised in these circumstances.

IMO you should never have cancelled your alternative party and told her to do one. But given how this has unfolded there's a good chance he'd have gone to hers anyway. He's an enmeshed shithead. You're better off without him. But get better boundaries and learn to speak up for yourself in your next relationship so you can weed out these kind of that's earlier on.

As much as you’re hurting right now I think you’ll come to see this as a blessing. His mother will likely be an absolute nightmare for whoever he is with and he’s clearly not got the minerals to implement boundaries with her. Being with him would have meant a life time of being put second and having your needs ignored.

I'm sorry he clearly showed his true colours 😢

Sounds awful OP, arent they embarrassed of themselves? Surely people would wonder where you were? And probably guessed (knowing that MIL arranged it) that MIL is something to do with your absence, does she feel no shane?

Yes thats true, why did your girlfriend dump you? Because mummy made me go to a big lovely party she made for me and she said my naughty girlfriend couldnt go......

I really do hope his birthday is AT LEAST a teeny little bit spoilt by being dumped in the middle of it. And also that he’s miserable and lonely for a long time, as he deserves it.

Do you have a friend who can come over and support you until your daughter gets back?
what an awful situation you have been put in.

What fuckers - so sorry Op - you deserve so much better. Glad you’re dumping him!

I'm sorry you're going through this but he has made it clear that he doesn't priorize you so while it may hurt you're doing the right thing to end the relationship.

Why would she go to a party where it is very clear that she has been intentional excluded and her BF can't be bothered to stand up for her. She should be evaluating her relationship and getting the heck out not forcing herself on the party.

The party is not the issue here, it's the fact that his mother thinks it fine to exclude her and her BF doesn't stand up for her and prioritizes his mother.

And what would happen if the mother decides to cause drama with OP for coming, it's obvious her BF will support his mother and leave OP to fend for herself in front of everyone at the party.

sorry how its worked out for you OP.

Lots of pp said they would just assume they were invited, but it really doesn't sound like he assumed that when you were having a chilled morning together and then he upped and left for the birthday do. How hard was it to say you are invited or you are not invited? He was evasive and left you in the dark. I can't see how he could excuse all that away.

And he just expected you to put up with all of that. He said your message was "shitty" was he expecting you to sit around planning further birthday celebrations for when he returned or something?

Hope you are OK,

@Becwi does he have his own home or does he live with you normally???