Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not invited to my boyfriends surprise birthday party

458 replies

Becwi · 28/05/2025 07:20

My boyfriends 40th Birthday is coming up shortly.
I Had messaged his mum to see if she had organised something, however after not hearing back after a few days presumed she hadn’t. So I organised a surprise to do something and invite along lots of his friends, She messaged me back 2 weeks later and said yes, on the date I had planned too. I explained that because I hadn’t heard back I’d planned something.
Shes then rang my boyfriend shouting about it, not once confronted me about it.
I said don’t worry I’ll cancel what I’d planned to stop any drama and caused arguments with me and my boyfriend.
so fast forward 6 days before, I get a message from his friends girlfriend asking me what I’m wearing, what the plans are after his party. I know nothing about this party!
i haven’t mentioned it to my boyfriend because I don’t want to ruin his birthday, upset him or cause drama.
AIBU for being so annoyed and so upset about no invitation?

OP posts:
Original poster
Becwi · 28/05/2025 07:31

sesquipedalian · 28/05/2025 07:28

I take it his mother doesn’t like you? You text to ask about birthday plans: she doesn’t reply; you organise something for your DP’s birthday and then have to undo it all to avoid a family ruction; she then arranges something and wants to cut you out of it!! The fact that his friend’s GF has been in touch with you says that it is not an exclusively family party. How long have you and your DP been together - do you live together? Does his mother not regard you as a fixture in her son’s life? OP, I’d phone your DP’s mother and say that you are wondering about what’s happening for his birthday especially as you have cancelled the originally planned party, and see what she says.

Nearly 3 years

OP posts:
DrummingMousWife · 28/05/2025 07:31

End this now - you’ll avoid a world of pain later on.

KumquatHigh · 28/05/2025 07:30

Yes, all,of that is weird.

You asking your boyfriend’s mother what she was doing for his birthday, instead of asking him.
Expecting her to ‘confront’ you.
Not wanting to upset him so not telling him what is going on.

sesquipedalian · 28/05/2025 07:28

I take it his mother doesn’t like you? You text to ask about birthday plans: she doesn’t reply; you organise something for your DP’s birthday and then have to undo it all to avoid a family ruction; she then arranges something and wants to cut you out of it!! The fact that his friend’s GF has been in touch with you says that it is not an exclusively family party. How long have you and your DP been together - do you live together? Does his mother not regard you as a fixture in her son’s life? OP, I’d phone your DP’s mother and say that you are wondering about what’s happening for his birthday especially as you have cancelled the originally planned party, and see what she says.

Arquebuse · 28/05/2025 07:25

This relationship doesn’t sound as if it’s at all functional. The MIL is irrelevant.

SapporoBaby · 28/05/2025 07:23

Very strange. Sounds like his mum doesnt like you or something. I’d just ask her if you’re invited.

BurnTheWholeThingDown · 28/05/2025 07:23

Do you mean his 14th birthday party?

Because if you are both any older than teenagers this is deeply fucked up and I would run a mile from him and his mother.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 28/05/2025 07:21

This is all really weird! How long have you been together?

Swipe left for the next trending thread