Not invited to my boyfriends surprise birthday party

Do you mean she doesn't answer the phone? Have you tried using another phone, maybe your boyfriend's?

Why don't you pick up the phone and call? Or pop round? Or ask the friend/gf who reached out to you?

I think this is the only thing to do... and I'd ask BF the same question.
He asked her to give you details and she said don't worry about it That's not an answer and no one would take it that way. Then he told you to stop discussing it..

So he knows you are not sure if you have been uninvited or not. Other people have had details and have asked you about dress codes... but both he and his mother are keeping you in the dark.

The only way to not be in the dark is to ask both of them out right Am I invited or not because at the moment it feels like I'm being excluded by both of you and Ihaven't done anything wrong.... and keep asking until you get a definite answer.

Sorry OP.. the whole thing sounds really rubbish for you. They are not treating you well.. and the MIL is not nice at all but the partner doesn't have your back.

Can’t your boyfriend invite you?? Maybe his mum just assumes you’ll come because you’re his girlfriend

And the OP has said numerous times that she refuses to respond to messages etc

Message her and ask if you have been left off the invitation list.

Hi, Jane. Am I invited to Daniel's party, or not?
If it is a No, I'd definitely have a relationship discussion with BF.

His mum obviously hates you
I Would turn up with BF

Do you think she said she don’t want you there?

Based on his mother arranging a surprise event and not telling you..

Is she organising a taxi for him?
How will he know when to be ready?
Does she expect him to drive himself?
How will he know the dress code?

It strikes me that his mother is hijacking his birthday celebration but it seems destined to be one humongous failure simply because she refuses to communicate.

In your position I would watch and wait…..what you don’t know about you can’t help with can you. FWIW his mother sounds like a dreadful person.

When you say she doesn’t respond, do you mean to messages? Or if you get her on the phone, does she not answer the direct question? Or does she not answer your calls?

you need to talk to her, not message.

ask her directly (not via message, via using your voice on the phone or in person) if you are expected and the timings etc.

But I would also be reconsidering a relationship with a man whose parents would leave me out after 3 years and who I didn’t feel I could talk to about this.

Time to ditch this one. This is not a healthy relationship, as his mum still takes first place. I would have gone ahead with the party I had arranged and ignored the mil's "do".you would then have been quite clear where boyfriends loyalties lie.

Being very optimistic - perhaps 'don't worry about it' means it's a surprise for both of you, and you're both being picked up by a fancy car, or going on a balloon ride for two! I'd not give a fuck and tag along - hold hands, hold on firmly, get in the vehicle and say "ooh how exciting!"

Maybe I'm a twat, but I'd be expecting my partner to not go to this party in solidarity with me being treated like shit. Which is probably her game with all this, she wants him to choose her and hurt you. Absolutely pathetic - whatever happens, she's destroyed relationships for something incredibly petty.

If she's said "yes" and given you the date, I'd assume she thought you were going.

You definitely haven’t said you’ve called her. Just messaged. Calling would be a good idea.

Is he an only child op? Does his mum have a husband or partner or does he have a sibling you could ask instead?

Have you tried actually ringing her and she doesn't respond or are you only texting her?

At this point I'd be inclined to pop by her house, leave in a tin of biscuits or something 'useful' as an excuse and then ask her directly in person what the plans are and see what she says. As long as you're polite and friendly about it then no issue. It also might be the case she thinks you've tried to cut her out and has been offended that you planned your own party she wasn't invited to. So I'd actually address that and make sure the air was clear. Otherwise this will just fester what sounds like an otherwise positive relationship and create a hassle for your other half. Though tbh it sounds like he needs to grow a set quite frankly. He's not really coming across as having your back in this.

OP, it's a horrible situation and your MIL is being a bitch. However, I would just leave it, because everyone will surely be asking where you are and your BF won't have an answer and your MIL will look like the total bitch she clearly is. Plan a nice day for yourself and fuck her. She will come out looking awful, believe you me.

I wouldn’t even want to go with all this drama and I’d sack them both off.
Your partner sounds like a weak willed spineless creature.

His mum changed the subject and he let her. Jesus Christ.
He will never have your back.
What on earth do you see in him.

I had not read it correctly. I stand corrected. Still weird the mom yelled at her son over something his girlfriend had arranged.

So phone the friend who contacted you and ask her what she knows? If she doesn't know anything yet, ring back nearer the date. Or wait until your partner has more details. Or sit with him on the day waiting to see what happens.

She definitely hasn’t said she’s ever called her, just that she’s messaged her. The mum phoned the boyfriend, not her.

Are you saying she won’t answer the phone if she sees that it’s you calling her?

OP has done that a bunch of times, as well as texting. It either results in the mom yelling, no response or an answer that is much too late.

He knows, why do you think otherwise?

OP, her bloke and his mum all seem to treat words as if they’re rationed so of course there’s a drama.