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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not invited to my boyfriends surprise birthday party

458 replies

Becwi · 28/05/2025 07:20

My boyfriends 40th Birthday is coming up shortly.
I Had messaged his mum to see if she had organised something, however after not hearing back after a few days presumed she hadn’t. So I organised a surprise to do something and invite along lots of his friends, She messaged me back 2 weeks later and said yes, on the date I had planned too. I explained that because I hadn’t heard back I’d planned something.
Shes then rang my boyfriend shouting about it, not once confronted me about it.
I said don’t worry I’ll cancel what I’d planned to stop any drama and caused arguments with me and my boyfriend.
so fast forward 6 days before, I get a message from his friends girlfriend asking me what I’m wearing, what the plans are after his party. I know nothing about this party!
i haven’t mentioned it to my boyfriend because I don’t want to ruin his birthday, upset him or cause drama.
AIBU for being so annoyed and so upset about no invitation?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
HallidayJones6779 · 21/09/2026 01:06

@Becwi - how are you now, 1.5 years later?

TinyBlueDent · 20/09/2026 07:54

ZOMBIE THREAD over a year old.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 20/09/2026 07:49

Boomer55 · 20/09/2026 07:48

Not in my life, they don’t. 😂. This is the 2nd thread on here today, with stress and meltdowns over adult birthday parties…🙄

This thread is from 2025!

Boomer55 · 20/09/2026 07:48

TwistedWonder · 28/05/2025 08:12

How can it be a surprise if he’s asked for something to be planned for him?

None of this makes any sense - do grown adults not actually have conversations anymore?

Not in my life, they don’t. 😂. This is the 2nd thread on here today, with stress and meltdowns over adult birthday parties…🙄

Picoloangel · 29/06/2025 21:48

@Becwi have been thinking about you and hope you’re ok.

peace7 · 14/06/2025 07:30

Becwi · 03/06/2025 10:34

Thank you everyone! Means a lot. I don’t want to bring myself to reading messages from him before I get sucked back in.
Ive got my daughter back home since yesterday, so feel a bit better.
time to concentrate on the both of us, being happy!

Edited

Hi @Becwi hope you’ve stayed strong. Any updates?

Wheresthebeach · 05/06/2025 15:53

Good for you OP. You are well rid of that pathetic excuse of a man

RampantIvy · 04/06/2025 10:15

I wonder if he is going to blame his mum for being dumped.

Candleinalantern · 04/06/2025 09:20

I admire your will power OP, what an awful man, you deserve someone who puts you first

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 03/06/2025 17:46

Wow! I’m so sorry OP. It sounds like his mum has just decided she doesn’t want you around and he’s gone along with it? WTF?! Did you hear if any of the other friends went? I’m just baffled. Long term you’ve definitely dodged a bullet here, but that won’t be much comfort when you’re still reeling from the shock of it all I know. Who the hell does this?! After three years?! You deserve so so much better. Enjoy spending time with your daughter and focus on yourself.

PopcornKitten · 03/06/2025 17:34

Stay strong OP, you’ve got this!

Duh · 03/06/2025 12:56

Good for you OP, stay strong x

Becwi · 03/06/2025 10:34

Thank you everyone! Means a lot. I don’t want to bring myself to reading messages from him before I get sucked back in.
Ive got my daughter back home since yesterday, so feel a bit better.
time to concentrate on the both of us, being happy!

OP posts:
WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 03/06/2025 10:19

Becwi · 02/06/2025 20:40

I haven’t read any of the messages he’s sent me.
so no idea what he’s said

🙌good for you @Becwi

AguNwaanyi · 03/06/2025 10:12

Becwi · 02/06/2025 20:40

I haven’t read any of the messages he’s sent me.
so no idea what he’s said

Block or delete them. This man is clearly spineless and you would have been miserable putting up with that and his mum long term.

BMW6 · 03/06/2025 09:15

Becwi · 02/06/2025 20:40

I haven’t read any of the messages he’s sent me.
so no idea what he’s said

Marvellous! 👏👏

Hollietree · 03/06/2025 08:59

Becwi · 02/06/2025 20:40

I haven’t read any of the messages he’s sent me.
so no idea what he’s said

You are a Queen! 👑

eone · 03/06/2025 08:13

Another vote here to say you have done the right thing and acted with dignity on the day. You have escaped years of misery with a manchild who was incapable of giving you the right place in his life, and his mummy wanting to play power games with you. Well done Flowers

jpclarke · 02/06/2025 23:48

That takes a lot of courage and will power, fair play to you. I hope you are doing ok, and you got a big hug from your little one. It’s not easy but for what it’s worth you are doing the right thing for you and your child. No person should treat anyone the way you have been treated. 🫂💐

Becwi · 02/06/2025 20:40

I haven’t read any of the messages he’s sent me.
so no idea what he’s said

OP posts:
RealEagle · 02/06/2025 18:47

Has he come with the excuses for his mum and why you wasn’t invited

ThisZanyPinkSquid · 02/06/2025 13:35

Have you heard anymore from him? Did he collect his stuff from the shed?

Blessthismess2 · 02/06/2025 12:05

How has he reacted to you ending it?

RampantIvy · 02/06/2025 12:02

I hope you didn't buy him expensive gifts. Can you get a refund for them?

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 02/06/2025 11:48

Has he collected his stuff yet @Becwi?