Is this acceptable?

He was vile around your daughter. He won’t discuss it or agree to modify his drinking to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

Line out. She’s more important. You can hang out with men like that after she’s grown and flown if you have to do so.

Hehe - whoopsy! Sorry I stupidly missed that - having another coffee now...

He won’t speak calmly about things, any time I try and have a reasonable discussion he talks over me or lectures me, or storms off. I feel like there’s zero empathy there.

This is a big issue; you have to be able to discuss issues that come up in your relationship, truly listen to each others' point of view, and each compromise when you're able. Even if he doesn't fully understand something - why you're wary of drunks, why you're worried about cheating - he should care about your feelings because he cares about you and wants you to be happy (and vice versa, of course).

Is he being like this when he's drunk or tipsy and/or when he feels you've set out to criticize his behaviour? If so, I'd try to talk with him when you both are relaxed, sober, and have time and privacy, and both agree to speak freely and listen to each other. If he's never willing or able to do that, then I don't see a lot of hope for a future. But even if he is, you may be incompatible. If he wants to drink to excess on occasion and won't budge on that, you have to decide if you're OK with that within certain boundaries (for example, he doesn't come home drunk when your daughter's there) or if it's a red line.

@springintoaction321 I know it was irony! I also was being ironic with my reply!

You're making excuses for him. He can be hardworking and not usually drink at weekends unless there's football which there is most weekends and his drinking then is what you'd see as alcoholic/boarderline alcoholic levels if you weren't making excuses for him. He can be kind and loving and even apologise the day after he's behaved appallingly but he's not changing his behaviour.

And you say he's taking your daughter to the fooball and driving there? How is he getting back from the football when he's legally so far over the limit his urine sample is probably just alcohol with added alcohol. Are you happy for her to be at matches with him?

He is ruled by alcohol if he starts drinking at 8am on a Saturday or Sunday and he is disrespecting you because he knows this is stuff you had to deal with before and he shows no sign of behaving like a decent human being when he's with his drinking mates. They sound like the sort of blokes who go bench drinking, out early on local benches with plastic bags of strong beer or cider. Everyone knows their faces locally because they're always at one bench or another and you notice bruises and split lips and the like because they get into ridiculous fights or just trip over drunk.

You need to seriously think about this relationship. I don't doubt it's better than the one you had with your ex but that's faint praise and you have a 13 year old daughter who's already seen one toxic relationship, please don't let her live through another one.

@BluePandaCool brilliant post - v.funny

@OvernightBloats I think it's called irony; possibly a tad inappropriate given the OP seems totally blinkered to the faults of her partner.

@Doggypaws your fiance is a total wanker. Run for the hills and don't shackle yourself to this prick. It's not only his new friends that are pricks - it's him! Also him saying it's your fault as you're oversensitive because your dog died.

How unkind and totally dickish

I think it’s better if you separate. This is going to be your life if you marry him, him drinking excessively along football and you spending tons of time alone. It’s also not beneficial for your child whose wellbeing you have to think of too.

Is your user name 'BluePandaCool' the name of the hallucinogenic drink you have been drinking?!

The drinking is the issue here I think, as it's making him inconsiderate in general. I don't see an issue with a single female hanging out with guys who have the same interest, but I do get how coupled with your history that could be. He needs to go back to how he used to enjoy the football.

He's an alcoholic, get out and don't waste your money getting married to him.

I'm amazed that people still can't enjoy a day out and watch football without a drink. The whole country seems to be alcohol dependent. It's completely abnormal the behaviour you're describing and why would you want to waste your precious life on him.

“You don’t know what to think?” I believe that you definitely do know what you are thinking.
Question is, what are you going to do because this is going nowhere but down the toilet.

Its the end of this relationship and you need to do it especially as you have an impressionable child witnessing this utterly shite behaviour and treatment of you.

Get your ducks in a row and get the fuck out of there.

I used to follow a football team - home and away matches- and there was a section of the support we used to call " the drinkers". They used to do what your fiancé and his pals are doing as regards the alcohol: the day was actually more about the drinking than the football. Drinking before the match, during the travelling when it was an away match and after the match until closing time. Their family lives took a back seat to their social clique centered round drinking and the football and at least one marriage broke up because the wife had enough of this dynamic. And the rest of the supporters looked askance at them.

Even if you didn't have the added complication of this woman being part of the social group I would seriously reconsider your future with this man. And this woman will become more important to him.than you if she shares his main interest - drinking and football.

It's good this didn't start after you were married. I wouldn't necessarily be worried about the woman, unless you have a particular reason to be. His childish laddish behaviour is the red flag here.

Is the issue maybe more related to excessive drinking than to football?